Would you want to meet your dad?

Jitterbug123

One of my friends was in a similar situation. She had never met her father as he left when she was 6 months old. She found him on Facebook and started talking to him online (he lives in Florida). Through this she then found out she had a sister (who lives in Canada).

When she left university she decided to go travelling and meet her sister and her dad. She loved meeting her sister, and initially liked meeting her dad. Eventually they had a fight, and of course she was upset. BUT when I spoke to her about it she said she never regretted meeting him even though she never wanted to see him again, because if she hadn't met him then she'd have always wondered.

barbiedoll

I'm in a similar situation, I found out where my dad lives after using a link provided by a poster on here!

This was a couple of years ago and I'm still dithering about whether or not to contact him. He only lives an hour or so away so in theory, I could just pitch up one day and surprise him. But he's now 83 so that may not be such a good idea (although his mother was still alive and kicking at 98 so I'm sure his heart can stand it lol!)

My parents split when I was 6, I last saw my dad when I was 10. My mum fully admits that there were faults on both sides but my dad ended up going off with an older woman who was very resentful of his having to pay maintenance (the princely sum of £4 per week for two kids) and contact eventually stopped altogether. My brother did contact him when he was a teenager but my dad wrote him a letter saying that although it was lovely to see him, he shouldn't turn up at work because it was "embarassing" (he worked for Barclays....like they're paragons of virtue!) and that he wasn't able to give my brother any money, not that he'd asked for any. :mad: He did ask about me but I was so indignant at the letter that I didn't bother, nor did my brother.

However.....his partner is now dead and although I know that she had children, he didn't have any more of his own. I wonder if her kids still see him regularly, and if he wonders about me/my brother now that he is much older and probably alone. (Of course, he may have a new 30-something girlfriend but as he's not well off, I doubt it!)

I was thinking of writing a letter and maybe enclosing some photos. But his partner and her family were a bit "Jeremy Kyle", at the maintenance hearing, she was heard loudly exclaiming "Four pounds a week! Why can't she get a f***ing job?" etc etc, (despite the fact that my mum had two jobs :mad:) I'm worried that one of his chavvy stepkids will contact me telling me to stay away. And I'll end up going down there and shouting at an old man!

It's a dilemma, and to be honest, I don't know if I can be bothered. If, like OP, he had contacted me on FB or elsewhere, then I would definitely go for it, if only to satisfy my curiosity.

Let us know what you decide!

rjhammond91

I've never met my dad -same sort of situation, both young, and he didn't want to know.

If I had the opportunity to at least meet him and his family then I would jump at the chance. Unfortunately, me and my mum have travelled to Kent to try and locate him by searching where him and his family used to live 24 years ago (obviously moved on..) so unfortunately have no way of tracking him down.

Only you know how you feel.. Even if it's just to get closure - I think that's what I need

Stephb1986_2

Life is too short and you have to ask yourself how would you feel if he passed away and this opportunity was taken away from you? Would you feel cheated or would you feel ok about it? Only you know how you feel about it.

Steph x

NatMast_2

I understand this completely. I've never known my biological father too (and was never aware of the fact that the man in my life wasn't actually him!) but eventually I found out when I was about 18. Hasn't changed much to be honest as apparently he left when I was one BUT - curiosity is the worst!

I also understand that it can be hard discussing it with your mother. It was a long time ago and memories do fade from what she can remember and she's moved on mentally and emotionally.

All I'd say it you'll always regret it if you DON'T contact him because you'll always think 'what if?'. Just don't expect happy families either, he's probably got a new life too. Just see how it goes.

At least you found him. I'm still on the hunt for mine to no avail!

lulu_92

My dad left my mum when I was about 2-3. Not seen him since I was between 5 and 7, and I'm 22 now.

I stayed in touch with his grandmother until I was about 12. She died in 2010 and I found out the following year via my uncle.
He despises my dad and his family and always implicitly stuck up for us during the nasty breakup (my dad left my mum for a woman he was cheating on her with, married her 3 days after the divorce was final from my mum. Never paid maintenance for me or my sister)

Uncle then rang my mum last year saying that my auntie wanted to get in contact with us. My mum didn't really give me a lot of time to decided (I'm talking minutes here) but also didn't want me to see her because she knows how vindictive his family are.

I don't know.

I know where he works and stuff but I don't know if I could meet him.

As far as I'm concerned he has had 22 years to be my dad and be there for me and has failed miserably. If he wants to contact me, fair enough, who knows what my response would be though.