Would you want to meet your dad?

SailorSam

I was just thinking after saying earlier i'd never even seen a photo of my Dad. I can remember i must have been about 5/6 and going with my Mum to collect the maintenance he was to pay into the Court. It was a pound for me and a shilling for my Mum. Loads and loads of times there'd be nothing there and my Mum would have to take him to Court again.

campercomper

Thank you all for your replies, it has been so good to get other peoples opinions of this, as I don't talk about it in real life.


I'm going to have another really long think as some of you have said things which I haven't thought of yet.


I will have to talk to my mum before I make any final decision, I also think this will be awkward, as we never speak about it. but it would be good to know if there's anything she didn't tell me when I was younger.

Melonade

I turned up on my mums doorstep years ago, without warning. After a few minutes asking me if I was ok she shut the door in my face. This pretty much confirmed what my family had told me about her and assured me that even with warning it wouldn't have gone any better.

She died a few years later so I'm glad I saw her, even though it was literally minutes. I'm not glad because I saw her before she died but because I could have left it longer and it would of been too late for me to see what she was really like.

I very rarely think of her, I have a lovely, amazing dad and even though my family is small we are still very close.

Life is short and I like to see how it goes. Rather that than thinking what if and doing nothing about it. I felt like I hadn't lost anything because I never had it to begin with. I know this is different for everyone. You might gain some new family members from you dad's side, it might not work out. If we knew the answers life would be too easy

Noctu

I started typing out a long reply but deleted it.

Essentially, I contacted my biological father and it really wasn't worth it, caused more hurt than if I'd just left it. My family were right, he is a prize !!!!!.

lika_86

I don't think I would, I'm not sure I could handle the possible rejection of me as a fully grown and formed person (as opposed to someone walking away from a child yet to really develop into who they will be). I'm not sure if that makes sense.

PasturesNew

You have to do it, soonest. Then you'll know. And there are two sides to every story. Also, there's a whole half of your family you've yet to meet.... grandparents, half-siblings, cousins, uncles/aunts.

When he's gone it's too late..... and you'll regret not making the effort now MUCH more than any regrets you might have at meeting up.

PasturesNew

Noctu wrote: »

...My family were right, he is a prize !!!!!.

But it's good to be able to put a name/face to that !!!!! .... and not feel there's a big empty space where you don't know what happened next....

hazyjo

duchy wrote: »

The medical side is important - My fiance discovered he needs regular checks as there is a condition in the family that needs checking for - easily dealt with now he knows but he'd never have bothered having the additional checks before as he had no idea he was in a high risk group

Tonnes of us are adopted - most of us adoptees know naff all about our medical history.

I'd say it's something to consider, but I wouldn't say it was an 'important' reason. Everyone will have different views - just giving mine

Jx

Alikay

hazyjo wrote: »

Tonnes of us are adopted - most of us adoptees know naff all about our medical history.

I'd say it's something to consider, but I wouldn't say it was an 'important' reason. Everyone will have different views - just giving mine

Jx

I agree. It can even be an advantage sometimes to not know, for example when an insurance company asks "have any of your close family suffered with x, y or z?".

missprice

Well you can have my two penneth worth.

I met my birth father years ago after mum died, and now wish I hadn't bothered.

Gained a sister at same time, who recently had a baby and birth father put a picture up on net for everyone to see and comment of how he is soooo happy to be a grandpa at last.

Well of course I am very happy that my sis had a baby but that thoughtless/witless/stupid/insensetive/tactless/remiss comment of our father rather took the shine away, simply because he has 2 other GC. These GC that he did his best to avoid in general, so I thought kids just weren't his thing.

So after all the strides we had taken over the years to try to get along, one comment undid the lot.
Shame but for him, not me