Friends boyfriend...awkward situation...WWYD?

hieveryone

Need a bit of help, and ideally before tomorrow!

I work with a girl (who I'd consider a friend of sorts, now). She has been seeing this guy for just over a year.

Things haven't always been plain sailing for them, and he seems a bit of a commitment-phobe, but still they trundle along.

Anyway, a few months ago, she and I were going out for a meal and he tagged along. He was nice enough, works in the same kind of sector as me so we had a good chat about that. There was something a little 'off' with him, but I put it down to nerves/shyness.

Anyway, he added me on Facebook the other night. And private messaged me.

A few of the things he said I felt quite uncomfortable with, and felt they were quite disrespectful to my friend.

What would you do - would you tell the girl? Or keep quiet and listen to her go on about how good/nice/happy they are?

I'm really struggling with this, feel awful

bagpussbear

May I ask, did you reply back to the message and if so what did you say?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow

What did he say to you that you found offensive?

BugglyB

No I wouldn't tell her.

I'd unfriend him and not mention it again and avoid seeing them both together.

That's not my advice, it's just the cowardly way I'd deal with it :-)

debjay

I would tell him that you find his comments offensive and, if they don't stop, you will tell your friend.

HPoirot

I wouldn't tell her and would definitely not message him back. I might even consider unfriending him on fb. I would see this as a sinister move to try and pull me TBH, if he PMs me slagging off his gf the minute he is friended on fb. Some guys just think all women are fair game. I would keep right out of their affairs too.

hieveryone

Thanks for your replies.

The messages started off friendly enough - the usual chit chat, how are you, what are you up to etc.

It soon became apparent that he had possibly had a little bit to drink.

There was a couple of comments which were pretty disrespectful towards my friend, and then a couple of 'flirty' type comments. I made my excuses and left the conversation ASAP.

mrcow

Just defriend him and don't give it another thought.

balletshoes

hieveryone wrote: »

Thanks for your replies.

The messages started off friendly enough - the usual chit chat, how are you, what are you up to etc.

It soon became apparent that he had possibly had a little bit to drink.

There was a couple of comments which were pretty disrespectful towards my friend, and then a couple of 'flirty' type comments. I made my excuses and left the conversation ASAP.

nothing much then (I'm guessing you're all fairly young too, at the most in your 20s?).

Defriend him and forget the slightly questionable comments.

hieveryone

This has been my first reaction (to delete and forget), but I work with this girl everyday (she works 'for' me in my classroom).

Everyday she speaks of him, bless her. She is head over heels with him. How can I listen to her and know that he's an @rsehole?!

Incidentally, it looks as though he has deleted his FB.

HPoirot

He's probably blocked you, if so then maybe he was drunk and is well ashamed of his comments. In any case not worth mentioning to her.