Help please - living together and IS!

ilovektt

My husband and I have decided to split up. We live together in a house that is in his name. Mortgage is also in his name.

I put in a claim for JSA last week only to be told I don't qualify as I was still with my husband. (by tenterhooks tbf). This was a few days before we decided to officially split, though to be honest we've pretty much been split up for a while now.

Anyway... my husband and I remain good friends but we are no longer together. We simply grew apart. We got together young (19) and we're still young (27) but we've just grown up and grown apart.

We have a 4 year old child. I have been SAHM since his birth.

I am wondering what happens if I claim income support as I've heard they will want to come round and check we have seperate food/washing/bed/toiletries etc?

This seems absurd to me - if I lived with my best friend, I would cook for her too, we wouldn't necessarily seperate our food items and if I would wash her clothes with mine because it makes sense!

Husband is sleeping on the sofa (he leaves for work before our child gets up so our son is none the wiser) and in the evenings we tend to do our own thing but yes, we do watch tv together sometimes!

Husband thinks that as we are no longer a couple I should pay my way a bit - which means IS, as there's no way I (or even both of us) could pay childcare and we have no family to help look after our son.

I can't close our joint bank accounts as we're overdrawn in them and I can't afford to pay the overdrafts back. The mortgage is in husband's name and the bills come out of his account (though I think they're in my name)

It seems ridiculous to do things like cook seperate meals when that means wasting gas/elec doing so, likewise with the washing as we have a huge machine and it would be silly to put in 2 small loads instead of 1 full one and waste money doing that! Likewise it would be a waste of money to do individual food shops.

I can't afford to move out as I have no money and no job, can't get a job as I can't afford childcare. It's husband's house so he shouldn't have to move out either. Can't sell it as it's in negative equity. Can't rent the house out as the going rate would only just cover the mortgage if that. Neither of us have family or friends we can stay with.

All my friends who flatshare live like we are, so what's the big deal?

Just not sure IS will see it that way?!

pmlindyloo

In the circumstances that you are describing it is almost certain that you would still be classed as a couple.

Joint bank accounts, financial links etc etc all indicate living together as man and wife. The fact that you are not sharing a bed does not make you 'best friends' in the eyes of the benefit departments. They look at 'evidence'.

You need to get some professional advice about ending your marriage particularly since property and children are involved. A visit to CAB would 'steer' you in the right direction. Their website Advice Guide has some useful information about 'Ending a Relationship'.

If you have decided to end your relationship then you both need to do this properly or neither of you will be able to 'move on'.

Of course, you can choose to continue as you are but you will not get any benefit help.

If you moved out to rented accommodation you would be able to claim Income Support (until your child is 5 years old), Housing Benefit, Council Tax Reduction. Child Tax Credits, Child Benefit and you would have Child Support from your OH.

xylophone

As your child is now four and will soon be at school, perhaps you could look for work and perhaps visit Relate to see if you can make the marriage work?

And marriage is about more than the physical relationship?

Dunroamin

If your child is 4, you wouldn't have long on IS anyway as, once he reaches 5, you'd need to start claiming JSA and looking for work. In the circumstances, it'd probably be best for you to start investigating childcare options so that you can look for work and allow you and your husband to move on with your lives.

zzzLazyDaisy

You ARE still living together as husband and wife.

The arrangements that your friends have with their flatmates is totally irrelevant. They are not married to their flatmates - you are (still) married to your husband. He might want you to contribute towards the family expenses, but in that case you need to find a job that works around his hours so that he can look after the child while you go out to work.

There is no reason at all why you shouldn't continue this amicable arrangement and no doubt it is good for the child to have both parents living together in the house and making efforts not to disrupt normal family life for their child - but the state will not pay your husband for keeping a roof over the head of his (not yet estranged) wife and child, or for putting food on their table.

Also, do bear in mind that even if you move out and claim as a single parent your entitlement to income support will stop when your child reaches the age of 5yrs, and you will be expected to look for work. Given that you say your marriage is over, it might be a good idea to look for work now, so that when you do eventually decided to call it a day and separate, your child will at least have got used to Mum going out to work.

Or, Perhaps, you could look at this another way...

Since you no longer consider yourself to be married to him, but are still providing him with housekeeping services (washing, cooking, shopping, keeping the house clean, childcare) you could work out what it would cost him to pay someone to provide these services so he could continue going out to work, if you move out and leave him to it.

It works both ways.

Troutwrestler

Good luck selling this to the dwp.

pinkypoopydoo

pmlindyloo wrote: »

In the circumstances that you are describing it is almost certain that you would still be classed as a couple.

Joint bank accounts, financial links etc etc all indicate living together as man and wife. The fact that you are not sharing a bed does not make you 'best friends' in the eyes of the benefit departments. They look at 'evidence'.

Just to back this up - when I first split with my ex-husband, we were in a similar position of having plenty joint debts, including a mortgage in joint names. He decided to take over the credit card debts in return for me taking on the joint account, and its associated overdraft. Because I was unable to either buy him out of the mortgage or close the joint bank account, we are still, 6 years on, seen as having financial ties, which causes problems with tax credits and the council, and he has been asked to prove on a couple of occasions that he neither lives in the house anymore, or that he uses the joint account.

Caz3121

have you seen a lawyer re divorce, just because the house and mortgage is in his name only does not mean that you have no rights to it.
I guess you are going to have to start legal separation or divorce proceedings at some point.
If it was so easy to stay to the outside world as a married couple but claim benefits as single...everyone would be doing it by just saying, it's ok he/she sleeps on the sofa

zzzLazyDaisy

Caz3121 wrote: »

have you seen a lawyer re divorce, just because the house and mortgage is in his name only does not mean that you have no rights to it.

OP says the house is in negative equity, so there is no money there. But you are correct in that she may have a right of occupation since she is the main carer of a young child. Getting an exclusion order if he refuses to leave may be very difficult though, unless OP is willing to file for divorce and put up with the inevitable deterioration in their relationship while she tries to force him out of HIS house (which is how HE will see it... )

[Deleted User]

i`m appalled been together for 8 long years have a 4 year old son and now want to seperate one assumes to make the most of the benefits system
get over yourselves,and get some help to save your marriage if only for the sake of your boy

MacMickster

ilovektt wrote: »

It seems ridiculous to do things like cook seperate meals when that means wasting gas/elec doing so, likewise with the washing as we have a huge machine and it would be silly to put in 2 small loads instead of 1 full one and waste money doing that! Likewise it would be a waste of money to do individual food shops.


All my friends who flatshare live like we are, so what's the big deal?

It seems ridiculous to incur extra costs by actually living as two separate households, so what do you need benefits for? You have no extra costs compared to a married couple.

Do your friends who flatshare pretend to be sharing a bed to their children?

You say that you have no family to provide childcare, but you have your son's father (with whom you are no longer in a relationship). If you stay at home to look after your child whilst he goes out to work, then why shouldn't you expect him to do the same while you work?

You really need to grasp the nettle and actually move out or persuade your husband to move out if your relationship is at an end. It is only likely to confuse your son to see his dad sleeping on the sofa on weekend mornings, and both of you pursuing new relationships.