Some impartial advice please.

This_Year

So sorry for your loss. xx

zaksmum

What a horrible time you've had OP. I would be with you like a shot and do everything possible for you if you were my daughter so your mum's attitude is incomprehensible to me.

I know how distressing it is because my mother was quite similar. My dad was always there for me but sadly my mum wasn't interested in me.

I'm really sorry for your loss.

Air_Cooled_75

Thanks everyone for your time and kind words. I have no doubt this has brought some unpleasant feelings back to the surface for her but the 'chin up' remark really did my head in. I have spoken to her today, it's the little one's birthday and she texted me to see if it was ok to ring and speak to him. Done well at keeping things together together.

She won't be coming to the funeral, she's made that clear. She 'might be going into hospital' (camera down throat) the same week.

I know I mentioned 'being prepared'...once the diagnosis of pprom had been made we knew I could go into labour at any time, but things were looking positive (after a week in hospital then in twice weekly for blood tests) although it was missed when I originally went to hospital and took a further week of going in before they spotted it.

We're registering the birth and death tomorrow and have a meeting with the funeral director on Wednesday. The midwife also wants to check in with me on Wednesday too. I feel well looked after but am missing my mum.

I do feel in a bubble at the moment. Today has been 'easier' as been occupied with LO's birthday. I think tomorrow will be tough.

Thanks again everyone. You think you've reached a point in pregnancy when you think it will all be ok...xx

mum2one

Sorry that mum won't be able to make the furneral, glad that she got in contact litte'un birthday. maybe it was her way of offering the olive branch in her own way.

It's going to tough, and you need support, time to grieve and maybe understand why it happened, it sounds like that maybe the hospital missed something, ot may be something you may want to look into for yourself.

Take care, glad you popped by to let us all know how you are, just take one day at a time, x

adolfineamy

Okay so this will sound odd and maybe I'm airing my dirty laundry in public, but I'm stumped and I need some advice from people who have no persnal attachment to me or my family. Here's the thing.

sweaty_betty

So sorry OP. I've just lost my twin boys over the weekend at 22w so have an idea about how you may be feeling.

I think a lot of people don't know exactly how to react to something like this - I've had many lovely messages via text, email, facebook which have been a massive support, but I have avoided talking to people face-to-face or on the 'phone because I just can't handle it at the moment. Although that's down to me rather than them, I remember another time where my family were in an awful situation, other people didn't know how to react or respond to them, so used to cross the street to avoid them, which is hurtful to say the least.

This sounds a little bit like your mum, despite having gone through something similar herself she doesn't seem emotionally equipped to help you through this (or in support in other ways from what you've said about your relationship prior to this).

If it were me, feeling as I do now, I would avoid contact with her for the moment. Concentrate on you, your OH, your almost 3-year old and work together in dealing with your grief. You don't need the additional heartache or emotional burden of making a decision about what to do with your relationship with her at the moment. By all means tell her when the funeral is (as you have done) but then leave it at that. Give yourself time to grieve and attempt to get back to "normal" (I'm at the early stages so have no idea of how long this may take) as much as you can, then when you're feeling less emotionally vulnerable, take stock of your relationship with her. You don't have to make a life-changing decision to cut her out of your life, but learning to live without her (just by her lack of involvement in your life) might be the best way to deal with it.

I wish you all the luck in the world and am so sorry for your loss.

Air_Cooled_75

I'm so sorry for all your losses, I should've said that earlier but I haven't got my thinking head on.

And thanks again xx

kerri_dfw

Sorry for your loss Air Cooled. My Mum isn't the most supportive, she's very introverted although would be very upset if I told her she wasn't there when I needed her, although she wouldn't be as she'd have other things to do.

Although, if you miss your Mum could you call her and tell her? I know you have said that you have already called her and that she isn't coming to visit. But sometimes an honest conversation on the phone telling someone you miss them lightens the heart a little. I agree with others that your Mum may be reacting in a way similar to that which was shown to her in a similar circumstance.

When my Mum is being like this I ignore her for a week and then she calls me to see how I am doing, obviously not the same circumstances I know but it's how I have to deal with her sometimes for my own sanity.

claire16c

I would be devastated if my mum was like this. I can't believe she isn't coming to the funeral x

Seh1985

So sorry for your loss you really should get in touch with sands my friend had an angel baby and now runs sands for our local area and supports other mummy's who have been in her situation