The Beginning....

Mrs_Beatson

Hello Everyone
I have been browsing this site for months. ( I think i found it looking for slow cooker recipes!!)
I suppose I must be a debt free wannabee! As i type to you now, it its 4.05 am and i have spent the last hour crying about my problems ! sniff sniff

I have a pile of paper work that as a reasonable guess must be 8 inches high! And I know its full of threatening letters
I have received the point where i feel it is pointless opening my mail because i know i cant afford it
I have been with my hubby now for 9 yrs and we have never had a penny of savings. He is diabolical with money...it simply burns a hole in his pocket and i think I'm too soft on him and let him get away with it, rather than deal with the tantrums and tiaras!

I think i just need a helping hand and a supporting arm! I have reached the point where i simply cannot go on like this. OH is happy not to concern himself with things , he just leaves it all to me and i cant cope. I am a stay @ home mum with a 6yr,5yr and 2 yr. My 5yr is chronically asthmatic and i have had to leave my part time jobs because i have to take so much time off with her. So it is only my husbands wages as an income.

From reading the forums i know what i have to do

I'm just not sure i can do it!

Lazy_Runner

Hi and welcome to MSE. I wish you all the best in your situation.

I am not an expert but I am sure some will be along soon to give you more help.

As a first thing though, please could you post an SOA? There are details in this link:
Southern Scouser's thread for beginner DFW's

Good luck in your path to debt freeness.

Regards

LR

chocaholic110

hmm, what say we ignore post number 2??

The one thing you will find on here is a lot of support, a lot of help and a lot of motivation. It's probably a bit early for really good advice yet but hang around (better still, get some sleep!) and lots of really sensible wise people will be along in afew hours or so.

One thing you could do is post your Statement of Affairs (SOA) as the sticky post further up the board., This will help give the clever folk an indication of things you can do to help yourself.

Chin up!

Mrs_Beatson

Not sure what happened with post 2. If i have to contact the "other side" to help with my debts then perhaps there IS no hope for me!! lol oh its been removed now! ty

Thanks for the support guys...

Ive read southernscouser's (popular chap ) post and think i will tackle it when Ive had some sleep! I'm thinking of asking a really good friend to help me plow through the paperwork. He'll be more use to me than OH! lol Just not sure if i can stand the humiliation...he wouldn't judge me (he knows what OH is like!!) but still..its kinda like baring your soul, isnt it?

ms_london

Morning & welcome to MSE Mrs Beatson!

I think you have taken the biggest step by posting here & asking for help. I hope you are tucked up asleep at the moment & not still worrying about it - although I understand how it'd be on your mind 24/7.

Preparing a SOA (as others suggested) would be the first thing to do. You have gathered the paperwork, now you must open it - :eek: - a scary thought but you need to do it & will feel so much better (honest!) once you know exactly where you stand..

With a SOA you need to know exactly what you have coming in (wages, benefits etc) and what you have going out (not just debts, but your standard outgoings, rent, water, gas, elec, insurance, MOT, car tax, food, petrol etc etc) and with your debts it would be handy to get as much info as possible. Who the creditor is/how much you owe/your credit limit/interest rate/monthly repayment/arrears.....

If you post this you will get some great advice.

Does your hubby know the extent of your situation? is he aware, but ignores it? Or does he not know how bad it is? You need his support, so once you have the full picture you need to sit down to put together a plan of action. It seems that a lot of people on this board try really hard with their debt/MS ways but they have OH's that are rubbish & try to undo all of your hard work, so it may be a struggle, but the worse thing you can do is to ignore it & hope that it goes away (been there, done that!!) and unfortunately it doesnt.

I hope you have a good day. Will check back tomorrow to see how its going. xx

ms_london

Mrs_Beatson wrote: »

Not sure what happened with post 2. If i have to contact the "other side" to help with my debts then perhaps there IS no hope for me!! lol

Thanks for the support guys...

Ive read southernscouser's (popular chap ) post and think i will tackle it when Ive had some sleep! I'm thinking of asking a really good friend to help me plow through the paperwork. He'll be more use to me than OH! lol Just not sure if i can stand the humiliation...he wouldn't judge me (he knows what OH is like!!) but still..its kinda like baring your soul, isnt it?

Yes SouthernScouser is a popular chap - I am sure he'll pop in and say hello (or give you grief!) at some point....

If you feel a good friend will help you whilst going through it, then ask. Would your OH mind this though? But then at the end of the day if it needs sorting and he's not willing to help you, ask your friend.

Good luck xx

Redbedhead

I am sure lots of more helpful people than me will be along today but I just wanted to ask, does your H know the extent of the financial problems?

Maybe you need to consider changing the way your finances are structured, i.e. if he is spending too much money, maybe he needs access to the money restricted? Do you have joint accounts? Maybe all your income going into a joint account that he doesn't have a cash card for and then pay him an allowance in to a seperate account (without an overdraft) would help matters?

Good luck

Mrs_Beatson

Thanks for your comments guys!
Gosh what a warm and fluffy community this is.
Strange but it almost feels a little better just posting...I think I'm starting to see how come you guys are here all day, everyday!

With regard to OH..he sees cash as being there to spend. If i have £10 in my purse for electric in a cple of days, he will spend that £10 and then worry about it when i need it. So we find £10 from somewhere else etc etc and so it goes on! (although in some cases we are talking about more than a tenner!! )

hmmm southernscouser... is he single? I might be looking for a new hubby if this one doesn't buck up :eek: ! LMAO!

Redbedhead

Can you change your bills over to direct debit so you don't need to have the cash in your purse? I deliberately have all my bills coming out automatically, so 1 - I don't forget to pay them, 2 - I don't have to carry lots of cash around with me.

I tend to find cash in my purse tends to walk.......It gets frittered away on silly things like a can of coke, bag of crisps or a chocolate bar. I can easily spend £10+ a week on silly things, which over a month is £50!

Mrs_Beatson

I have a basic account that cant have any s/o or d/d (thanks to hub!) and i have a key meter for my electric! Oh and i WAS with the Woolwich where i had an electron card and could pay bills like that. However, they were taken over by Barclays and i have no electron card now :mad:
I have to deal in cash as OH is taxi driver, so our income is cash and rarely hits the bank at all! I practically rob him most days just to see some money!

Thinking about it I actually don't have an easy way to pay my bills... I must look into that....

Karmacat

Hello Mrs B, welcome to mse. I do feel for you - I guess those little ones are going to be up soon, but it seems like there's two issues been highlighted already:
1. the SOA - and that means tackling the very thing you find it hard to cope with, opening those papers. Doing it when your husband is there might show him how bad everything is - even if he doesn't want to pay attention, it *is* his responsibility too.
2. finding a way to pay the bills without actually having cash in hand.

I'm not going to be much use on the husband front - I'm single, I don't need to work on getting someone's contribution - but there's actually been threads about telling the OH or cooperation from the OH - if you root around, whether with thread titles or thread searches, you'll find something.

Work on the soa, sort out what's going on, and that's when people can really come in and help. All the best to you.