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Is it such a bad thing?

Had a row with DH tonight. He thinks I'm spending too long helping other people. Not sure what his issue is - he's never short of clean clothes and he gets his dinner cooked for him every night (not to mention breakfast and lunch). Very rare for him not to be working at all hours "because they need him". One friend in particular is having her life pulled apart at the moment, and I'm not the kind to leave my friends in the lurch.

Just feeling like a key part of my personality has been assassinated.

Surely being kind and there for good friends isn't a bad thing??
Trying to be a man is a waste of a woman
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Comments

  • caeler
    caeler Posts: 2,606 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Mortgage-free Glee! Photogenic
    Could your DH just be having a bad day and deflecting it on to you?
  • notanewuser
    notanewuser Posts: 8,499 Forumite
    caeler wrote: »
    Could your DH just be having a bad day and deflecting it on to you?

    I don't think so. He was happily looking at sh1te on his laptop so it wasn't like I was needed for anything.
    Trying to be a man is a waste of a woman
  • justme111
    justme111 Posts: 3,514 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Ah , could be interpreted in many ways .. I for once would be annoyed with my so being in a pocket of another woman or man . When it is too much it is unhealthy. So you think if your husband has clean ironed shirt and cooked food all is great ? Those are responsibilities of a made , wife is a bit different. :D
    Sweet dreams , hope it was a minor blip and you will make up soon :)
    The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
    Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.
  • This_Year
    This_Year Posts: 1,344 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Combo Breaker Photogenic
    It's a man thing. He needs to feel part of your world and if you're helping your friends and not paying attention (not needing) to him then he worries.

    Bless. Mine panics if I go to the post box.

    I wouldn't worry unduly, just pencil in some time for you both (alone ;) ) as you do need to spend time together, even if just to chat. Don't let it pull you apart. Maybe he had had a bad day and wanted to vent.

    Snuggles should work. :)
  • marisco_2
    marisco_2 Posts: 4,261 Forumite
    It is natural to want to help out your friends when they are going through a rough time. With the best will in the world though you cant be all things, to all people, all of the time. You need to have a healthy balance to your commitments when you have a family life.

    When your DH said that he thinks you spend too long helping others, in what context did he mean that comment? Did you ask him? He may be worried about you and feel that you dont have enough time for yourself. It could also be that he wants to spend some more quality time with you too. That wouldn't be a bad thing would it. He may not have meant it in a selfish way at all.

    Rather than see this all in a negative light, think about sitting down with him and calmly talking it through together. You sound like a very loving and considerate person OP, by the way you take care of all those around you, family and friends. I am sure with a bit of an honest and open heart to heart with your DH you could sort this out easily and clear the air.
    The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own, no apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
  • pigpen
    pigpen Posts: 41,152 Forumite
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    Family first.. always, family first.

    Spend some time with him, it isn't leaving your friend in the lurch.

    Maybe he thinks you are going to burn yourself out giving yourself to someone else and you need to look after yourself first.

    Talk to him.
    LB moment 10/06 Debt Free date 6/6/14
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  • notanewuser
    notanewuser Posts: 8,499 Forumite
    Thanks. For the record I spent maybe an hour over the course of the day emailing her. That's all. It's been a couple of weeks, maybe 3, since the last time she needed me.

    Conversely, apart from picking DD up from nursery I haven't been out today or done anything outside the house. I've spent 8 hours with DD, 3 hours with DH (he was working for 2 of those and DD was at nursery). I did bath time, I cooked dinner, I played with DD and cleared up her painting mess. I did bedtime.

    He's had contact with colleagues all day long. But me sending 2 or 3 emails is too much, apparently.

    :o
    Trying to be a man is a waste of a woman
  • notanewuser
    notanewuser Posts: 8,499 Forumite
    Oh, and this is the DH who didn't think twice about going off for the weekend recently while both DD and I had acute bronchitis. ;)
    Trying to be a man is a waste of a woman
  • thunderbird
    thunderbird Posts: 776 Forumite
    Maybe he thinks other people take advantage of your generosity?
  • Molly41
    Molly41 Posts: 4,919 Forumite
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    he sounds selfish !
    I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer.
    Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
    I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over and through me. When it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
    When the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
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