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Hone phone number

Hi Im new to this forum but have been reading it for some time and you seem to have all the answers! I hope someone can help with a question please?

I am divorced from my child's father, and he has seen him only once since moving out at the end of last year, but texts him 2 or 3 times a week. I always keep my mobile phone switched on, but last night left it in my car when I came in from work. This caused me to not see a text from ex to my child until a couple of hours after it was sent, long after bedtime. When I told him the reason he had not received a reply, my ex was livid ( despite him often switching his own phone off), said I was being really irresponsible in not keeping my phone with me at all times, and is now insisting that he will somehow find out my home landline number. I dont want him to have this, as he apparantly made lots of nuisance calls ( or got someone else to make them) to his first wife's home after they split up. he doesn't make pestering calls to my mobile, and if he did it would be easy to keep a record by screen capturing the caller list. My landline phone provider says they are unable to block calls from a specific number.

So, my question is please, does he have a right to know my number ?

thank you
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Comments

  • marisco_2
    marisco_2 Posts: 4,261 Forumite
    edited 12 March 2013 at 12:10PM
    Let me get this right. A man who has not bothered to see his son since late last year, thinking 2 or 3 texts a week replaces the love and attention of a dedicated father, has the god damm nerve to call you irresponsible. Just because you left your phone in the car, no doubt with other things on your mind considering the weather we have been having, so didn't respond to a text instantly.

    He needs a reality check and fast. He cannot demand your home phone number or threaten you that he will get hold of it. Who does he think he is? Apply for your home phone number to be ex directory. You have not blocked him being able to contact his child as he has your mobile number.

    I would be tempted to contact a solicitor and ask them to write a letter outlining to him what is acceptable communication and what you will absolutely not tolerate from him. From what you advise he has previously treated ex partners badly and appears to have no comprehension that his behaviour and approach is out of order. If you recieve any abusive or threatening phone calls or texts on your mobile then change your mobile number and inform him via a solicitor that until there is agreement that he stops this you will not have any verbal contact with him. You are the mother of his child and deserve 100% respect. Not least of all for being the only apparent responsible parent.

    I cant bare !!!!less fathers like him, who suddenly think they can throw their toys out the pram when they want contact with their kid on their terms only, not instantly getting it.
    The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own, no apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
  • lee111s
    lee111s Posts: 2,988 Forumite
    Eighth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    No he doesn't have a right. If you're ex-directory then he'll only get it from either someone you both know or if he knows someone who works for the company that provide your service.

    If he does get it and starts harrassing you, you need to inform the police.
  • Caroline_a
    Caroline_a Posts: 4,071 Forumite
    Absolutely not. You can give him as much or as little information about yourself that you choose. He is your ex for a reason, and as long as you are not preventing him from contacting or seeing his child then I see you are doing nothing wrong. If your ex is so intent on contacting his child by text, let him buy the child a phone!

    I would say, don't leave your phone in your car again though as you might get your window smashed!
  • warehouse
    warehouse Posts: 3,362 Forumite
    I've been Money Tipped!
    marisco wrote: »
    I cant bare !!!!less fathers like him, who suddenly think they can throw their toys out the pram when they want contact with their kid on their terms only, not instantly getting it.

    Or Mothers in some cases. A friend of mine has an ex Wife who makes the OP's issues sound like heaven. It's not just Fathers who can be ar*eholes.
    Pants
  • marisco_2
    marisco_2 Posts: 4,261 Forumite
    warehouse wrote: »
    Or Mothers in some cases. A friend of mine has an ex Wife who makes the OP's issues sound like heaven. It's not just Fathers who can be ar*eholes.

    Very fair point. It is awful how some parents behave, the children end up so harmed by it all.
    The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own, no apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
  • thanks everyone. My number is ex directory, and the police already have a domestic case open, due to his previous behaviour. If he manages to get my number I guess I will have to change my number.
  • Nicki
    Nicki Posts: 8,166 Forumite
    mum_of_one wrote: »
    thanks everyone. My number is ex directory, and the police already have a domestic case open, due to his previous behaviour. If he manages to get my number I guess I will have to change my number.

    If it comes to that, perhaps also change your phone provider to one which will put a block on malicious calls from identified numbers. I know BT does, and you might have to ask the question of other providers before signing up with them.

    One option might be to give him "your" landline number, with a digit or two wrong. Or to tell him that you have got rid of your landline for cost reasons.
  • peachyprice
    peachyprice Posts: 22,346 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Tell him you don't have a landline anymore, he can't have what you haven't got.

    If it's too late for that give it to him then get straight on to BT or whoever you are with and get it changed and only give it to those you trust 100%.
    Accept your past without regret, handle your present with confidence and face your future without fear
  • marisco_2
    marisco_2 Posts: 4,261 Forumite
    edited 12 March 2013 at 1:44PM
    He sounds emotionally unstable to me. I dont expect you to divulge anything on here, but did the content of the text really require an instant response? Or was he just furious because this is what he wanted and did not get it? His response to you makes him come across like a petulant child!

    It is disturbing that a parent dictates how involved they become in their childs life. It shows little care, concern or understanding of what the child wants or needs. Your ex decides to have contact only by text, choosing to turn off his phone when it suits him, therefore making himself unavailable. Yet becomes threatening when you do this, as if you are taking away his rights.

    This is all about power and control and has nothing whatsoever to do with him wanting to have contact with his child. Was he domineering and aggressive when you were together? Did you leave him because you were suffering in an abusive relationship?
    The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own, no apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours - it is an amazing journey - and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.
  • turtlemoose
    turtlemoose Posts: 1,654 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    No advice, just sympathy. My OH has his son 4 days/3 nights each week, has done for 6 years. if he doesn't reply to a message from his ex within 10 mins, she is ringing leaving screaming voicemails, and if he, heaven forbid, turns his phone off (maybe we are at the cinema? Maybe we just don't want her interfering?) then she has been known to turn up screaming and banging on the door, and calling the police to say my OH has assaulted her......funny that, when he's indoors and she's outside, he must have super long arms.... anyway, here's a cynical welcome to the world of separated parents.
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