I want a family, but I'm an adult. Is it possible?

ceebeeby

I'm an adult, unhappily long time married but with wonderful children.

I don't have any family of my own (technically i have some, but they're not in my life) and have never been particularly attached to my MIL.

When I leave my husband - which is a matter of time rather than questionable - other than my lovely children, I won't have anyone.

I would love so much to have parents, siblings etc - loving grandparents for my children.

Is there any sort of place / agency where you can be put in touch with older people looking for ready made families. I don't want anything material or financial, quite the opposite, I would love to have parents to look after in their old age. Take their dog for a walk for them. Make them a casserole and take it round. Have a parent to chat too when the day is good or bad. Have a mum hug me on Christmas morning and be so glad that I'm / we're there for no reason other than They love us and are glad we're there.

It's so lonely not having anyone, everywhere I look I see parents with grown up children and would love to have that.

cockaleekee

Have you looked at volunteering as a befriender?

ceebeeby

No? But I'll happily look into it? Is there somewhere you can register?

cockaleekee

ceebeeby wrote: »

No? But I'll happily look into it? Is there somewhere you can register?

http://www.ageuk.org.uk/health-wellbeing/relationships-and-family/befriending-services-combating-loneliness/befriending-home-visits-charlie-joy/

sweaty_betty

At the risk of opening a can of worms about belief etc, joining a church community may give you what you're looking for. There are loads of older people in the church who would appreciate people doing things for them, from driving them to church, to helping out in their gardens, to making them the odd meal.

Obviously it takes time to build up relationships of any substance, but this is one way of going about it, especially if you volunteer to do various roles in the church.

ceebeeby

nothing in my area. Thanks though, grateful for the link.

ceebeeby

Thank you. I've no objection to going to church. I already do about 10 hours a week volunteering with children plus work full-time, I would happily speak to our local priest and ask for his guidance. I never thought of that - thank you!

moneyistooshorttomention

I understand where you are coming from.

However, life happens with the best will in the world.

I do hope that you will find a suitable "family" to take the place of your birth family. I really do.

For most of us, then we work as best we can with what we have. If "what we have" isnt what we hoped for/regard as the norm - then it may be just as well to find a way to adapt as best we can to the circumstances and try and count the plus points.

I "adopted" the mother of an ex-boyfriend in the end to get a "mum" type figure in my life and its a relationship that has run for many years now between her and me and, latterly, between her husband coming into the picture more (in a friend type capacity) and this works pretty well for me and has helped me live with not having a "mum" type mother and my "adoptive" one and her husband have a good friend in me that they now feel free to talk more freely with than with a lot of other friends they have and we all regard each other as someone we are lucky to have in our lives.

Hope you find a way to resolve this - whilst remembering the fact that (maybe a bit dependant on what generation you have been born into) there may not be a "happily ever after" ending. I used to assume in my naivety at one time that every child born to someone in my generation (ie Baby Boomer age) or younger would be a wanted child born to a mum and a dad and have subsequently realised this isnt necessarily the case - so I imagine the need for a "family" (as we are told it SHOULD be) will continue for at least a while yet.

You have done nothing wrong in recognising you are in this situation and trying to fulfil your need for the storybook "family" and I hope you find a way to achieve this.

dogstarheaven

i've joined this group recently in my area and it's about forming communities where you share skills, support or friendship with one another. no money is involved as it's all about building trust and connections with people who want to come together. it's very inclusive and in my group, there are people from all ages, abilities, races and background and made me most welcome on my first meet.

http://www.keystoinclusion.co.uk/community-circles-2/

find out if there's a local one to you. i think they're in cities though, but enquire first.

skintchick

Ask your local council or over 60s club for opportunities. I'm sure they'd be glad of the help.

Alternatively lots of people in old people's homes need regular visitors. You could visit one person and build a relationship with them to mutual benefit. The staff would be able to advise.

ceebeeby

Thanks everyone, I'll follow up on all those suggestions. Thanks also for your encouragement. I'm honestly not looking for "happy ever after" (well, maybe a little bit if I'm being honest), just something better than nothing.