Struggled with debt for 12 years and now at the end of my rope.

cupcake32

I really need some advice. Any, no matter how hard it is to hear.
I've always been really bad with money and at a young age got myself in debt with credit cards, store cards and loans. I worked at paying them off for a few years and hoped I'd learned my lesson when I met my husband. He's also appallingly bad with money and was saddled with debt ran up jointly with his ex wife but in his name solely. He was a year or two in to a debt management plan when we met, and once we married and started living together we decided the best option would be to add my debts to the plan and go forward jointly.
Well, here we are 8 years later. We now have a young family and life just isn't as much fun as it should be. In order to cover our bills, put food on the table and pay our DMP we are forced to take hand outs from my mother every month. I don't know what we'd do without her and it makes me so ashamed to think that we have to rely on a little old lady to keep a roof over our children's heads every month.
Things are coming to a head now and something has to give. We've talked at length about how we are going to sort this problem out. Taking more work on is not an option as we have no family nearby to help with childcare and can't afford the cost of daycare. Paying off our DMP will take us until 2030 at the current rate we are going, but increasing payments isn't possible as we can't afford to live on what we have now.
What are our options? Would you recommend we go bankrupt? Please help even if it's just to tell me I've made my bed and must lie in it.
Thank you in advance.

Figtree

Try posting a 'statement of affairs' so the rest of us can understand your financial incoming/outgoing commitments better

And welcome to the board!

ValHaller

Obviously the DMP is not working out if you have to take handouts. But there is not enough information to recommend anything, let alone bankruptcy. Best thing is to do a statement of affairs and post it here for people to suggest a way forward.

Go to http://www.stoozing.com/msoc/soacalc.php and fill it out. Press calculate, press format for MSE, press highlight in the popup window and right click to copy all the highlighted text including format codes. Copy into a post.

Homemadehappiness

Hi Cupcake - sorry I don't have any advice but i'm sure someone with alot more debt busting knowledge will be along shortly to help you! could you perhaps start by posting a statement of affairs and people could have a look and hopefully offer some suggestions on how and where to cut money.

I also just wanted to reassure you that you are not alone and that things WILL get better xxxxx

cupcake32

I will do the statement of affairs thing shortly, if I can get my head round it. Useless with computers.
In a nutshell:
I earn nothing as I'm a stay at home mum expecting another baby.
My husband earns £32,000 a year. Our outgoings are high as we have the usual rent and bills plus the DMP and maintenance to his ex wife of £300 a month. He brings in about £1900 every four weeks and I sit with a pen and paper and calculate our finances for that month, Usually our outgoings on bills is about £1800 so we turn to my Mum to feed us. Terrible, I know.
I am trying so hard to make cut backs. I buy most of our food from the reduced section of supermarkets now. We have sold everything we have to try to avoid borrowing from my Mum.
The sad thing is we only owe £25,000 (a considerable sum, but not enough to warrant this misery) but have turned to Payday Loans in recent months out of desperation, which has compounded the situation.

Homemadehappiness

Are you upto date with your payday loans now? Is there anything you can think of that you can cut down on - we now shop at Aldi and meal plan which has made a big difference - we also get nappies and wipes from there. We have now cancelled our dd's nursery and also our sky xxx

harrys_dad

Seems to ne you need to redo your DMP as you are paying out more than you can afford. Is it through a free agency such as Stepchange? if so go back to them. if you are paying a company to do it for you cancel it right away and ring Stepchange.

Willing2Learn

Hi cupcake,

Great advice and support in the posts above me.

Well done on having that 'light bulb moment' and coming here for help. That is a significant achievement in itself. Have a look at some of the DFW diaries if you want evidence of how things can be turned around, how feelings of despair can become feelings of accomplishment and pride. I bet there is already a ton of things you've done in your life for which you should be proud (bringing up and nurturing a young family in a loving environment could be just one for example). And hey, you may want to start a diary yourself to chart your progress (and inspire others too)

Statement of Affairs, as others have said is a great way to start. Don't forget to post the results up here for non-judgemental advice and suggestions.

Have a look at the MSE Article - Debt Problems,
What to do & where to get help. There is a lots of ideas on how to plan and budget and pay down all those debts!

Keep coming here, of course. If only for emotional support. Lot's of empathy here. No-one judging anybody.


Edit: Definitely renegotiate your DMP. It is meant to be affordable. Who is your DMP with?

Willing2Learn

Just so you know too, there are many ways to get a little extra income. For example, I do opinion surveys on various subjects such as shopping/consumer, society, politics and get about £20-30/month depending on how many. I also complain about services from companies and get another £30/month through goodwill gestures. There's a whole section on MSE forums dedicated on ways to get a little extra.

cupcake32

We are up to date with the Payday Loan companies. I just wish we'd never turned to them to begin with. We pay them and then immediately borrow the same amount back from them every month just to keep our heads above water.
I buy food cheaply and cook myself from scratch to save money. We have sat down and looked at our bills at cut back everything we can. Sky TV was the first casualty about 18 months ago. We have shopped around for cheap utilities and things like car insurance. There is nothing to cut back on. I kept a diary of outgoings a few months ago and saw we spend too much on snacks so I've stopped all that.
Six months ago we downsized our rented house and now live in a little two bed. We do not smoke, my husband drinks a little, we never eat out or go out for nights out- ever. I don't buy clothes or go to the hairdressers now. How much more enjoyment can I cut from my life? None I should think. x

spacey2012

You say rent, so you dont own property.
why have you not considered bankruptcy ?
You would be back on your feet with no debt in 12 months.