Mothers! Christmas! Drama has started already :(

Mayflower10cat

Whilst my inlaws may not be angels, my poor sister really does have to stand her ground every time they go down to see her inlaws in Cornwall for Christmas or New Year. Not quite on the same scale as the OP's Telly incident, but here's one from a few years ago. Sister, husband and the children go down to see MiL for her birthday in October. MiL comes into the lounge all dressed up from head to toe and announces; 'right everyone, to make it easier for you all I've bought my Christmas Outfit (waves up and down herself) and it cost £x. So if everyone chips in £x each, that can be your present to me.....' I thought this was a little outrageous but not all that unusual for the lady in question and related the story to my own inlaws. rather than gasping at the audacity, FiL says, 'I think that's a very sensible idea and we should all do the same....'

System

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

I really don't know what to say Judi

Thanks, neither did i when she said it. Obviously if my son had been within earshot i would have said something but i didnt. I should have. Thats why i said to the OP she must stand up to her Mother now.

I should have but i didnt.

I have to add, my children might look like their Dad in a lot of ways, they are nothing like him personality wise.

embob74

I think the stuck record is the way to go. "I can't afford that expense mum so I won't be contributing that much" Repeat several times.
Let me know if it works - I've been telling the kids we can't afford x,y and z for years but they still refuse to believe it!

Abbafan1972

embob74 wrote: »

I think the stuck record is the way to go. "I can't afford that expense mum so I won't be contributing that much" Repeat several times.
Let me know if it works - I've been telling the kids we can't afford x,y and z for years but they still refuse to believe it!

I would change a sentence here, as follows:-

"I can't afford that expense mum so I won't be contributing [STRIKE]that much[/STRIKE] at all"

missprice

Abbafan1972 wrote: »

I would change a sentence here, as follows:-

"I can't afford that expense mum so I won't be contributing [STRIKE]that much[/STRIKE] at all"

I would alter it again to
'I will not pay anything as I already have 'siblings' present'

lurvlyloz

Definitely not being mean.

just be straight ands say you will not be spending that much.

if you want to say aqnythign else then say you wont be spending that much on them and that is that. make sure she doesnt then expect you to pay her back for"your share"

Mojisola

I wouldn't say "we can't afford it" because that opens up other lines for her to pursue - you can pay me back later, why are you buying xxx if you can't afford your brother's Xmas present, etc.

quinechinoise

DuckEggGingham wrote: »

I have a thick skin and can take it!

Trusting to the above quote: your mother is horrible. My mother would never, ever do that to me or my sibling. I suggest you tell her "no" and confide in your siblings.

Also, it doesn't matter if she goes ahead with her purchase. It's her purchase, not your's or your siblings' purchase. Ditto the "surprise holiday" thing - if it ever occurs again.

Remember: a true gift is freely given and love cannot be bought.

Caroline_a

Remember: a true gift is freely given and love cannot be bought.

Exactly.

And after you've told her categorically no, I would also be saying 'oo after Comet going down I dont think buying electrical goods at this time of year is a good idea until it all settles down again...'

maman

I don't think anyone has disagreed on here today, OP's mum is definitely in the wrong.

My take is that if she wants to make generous gestures whether it's this TV or the holiday then she pays! I just can't believe the audacity of effectively spending other people's money for them. If she can't afford to go it alone it then she'll have to stop. If she can afford it then it's her choice.

If I were you OP then I'd just tell her bluntly that you won't be contributing and that she's not to make any commitments for you in future (that holiday with your daughter was potentially a blackmail situation). I wouldn't speak to your brother who's having this hideous TV but I would tell your other siblings what you're doing. They might feel the same and want to follow suit.