What a testing year....update :(

teabag29
teabag29 Posts: 1,898 Forumite
edited 3 November 2012 at 10:10AM in Marriage, relationships & families
For those of you who are familiar with my previous posts (and thankyou for all the support) you will know my daughter has a string of special needs and has recently been admitted into a childrens mental health facility for repeated suicide attempts and also that my marriage broke down 2 months ago, largely due to the pressures put on us by mt daughters conditions and behaviour problems.

Just when I think i've had my share of bad luck my best friend and rock who is my mother has today been diagnosed with lung cancer, they say she's had it atleast 11 months. She's 70 and has had copd for years and lots of health problems, the dr says without treatment she has 2 years maximum and has spoken of radiotherapy, she is unsuitable for surgery as he says she may die during surgery (I think due to her copd as he said about her breathing). I have read the statistics and im not naive, I realise she doesnt stand much chance of survival past 2 years. I feel numb

Can safely say this year cant end quick enough. :( **update post 14 :(
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Comments

  • krlyr
    krlyr Posts: 5,993
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    teabag29 wrote: »
    Can safely say this year cant end quick enough. :(

    It may not be what you want to hear - but don't wish this precious time away. Don't lean on the year end to get rid of your troubles, because being brutally honest, it doesn't sound like next year will bring much better news. Work on things right now - I cannot imagine how you must feel at the moment but maybe now is the time to make this the Christmas of all Christmasses and to make every day count.
  • Yorkie1
    Yorkie1 Posts: 11,535
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    So sorry to hear this teabag - thoughts and hugs with you.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,547
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    Perhaps it's best that your daughter is in a safe place so that you will have time and energy to support your Mum. My Mum died last June - you have my sympathies. Enjoy the time you have together.
  • meritaten
    meritaten Posts: 24,158 Forumite
    I PMd you teabag - but, in relation to your DD - (this sounds awful) you have a really good excuse for not taking her home if YOU dont think she sounds ready. I am SORRY if this sounds cynical etc - but, the people dealing with your DD dont consider your own circumstances and from your previous posts they want her out ASAP.
    I do hope your mum is getting the appropriate treatment and that she recovers - I wonder how the hell you are going to support both mum and DD - but, I am sure you will cope! you have to hun!
  • Fire_Fox
    Fire_Fox Posts: 26,026
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    So sorry to hear this, you must be devastated. :(
    Declutterbug-in-progress.⭐️⭐️⭐️ ⭐️⭐️
  • fannyanna
    fannyanna Posts: 2,622
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    Wow. You truly are going through a rough time x
  • thorsoak
    thorsoak Posts: 7,166
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    Sorry to read that you've now got yet more of a burden to carry - but as others have said, tell SS/others involved with your daughter that at the moment you HAVE to concentrate on your mum's needs, and as you know that your daughter has specialists looking after her, she is in the best hands for the moment...

    In the meantime, do as much as you can WITH your mum/other children, to make this as happy and memorable time as you can x
  • teabag29
    teabag29 Posts: 1,898 Forumite
    Sorry ladies I didnt make clear in my 1st post, my daughter is nolonger an mpatient she came home on saturday for trial and things were going well so she was oficially discharged yesterday in the cpa meeting, just 3 hours before I found out about mum. They have confirmed an ADHD diagnosis now and shes on medication.
  • krlyr
    krlyr Posts: 5,993
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    Find out what (if any) support you can get with your daughter - it probably won't be thrown at you but if you do some digging you may find you're entitled to some form of help, be it emotionally, physically or financially. Ditto with your mum - I know it will be hard to accept, but being practical, look into organisations and charities that help with terminal patients, there are places that will help her get her finances in place, arrange for any financial aid/benefits (I believe they will be fast-tracked once she explains her circumstances), hospices can provide some respite care rather than just being there for the final stages. I really don't envy you having to look into it but take advantage of all the help available so you're not spreading yourself so thinly between your mum and your daughter, you need some time to deal with your marriage breakup and our own emotions too.
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,547
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    krlyr wrote: »
    I really don't envy you having to look into it but take advantage of all the help available so you're not spreading yourself so thinly between your mum and your daughter, you need some time to deal with your marriage breakup and our own emotions too.

    This is such important advice because you do need to look after yourself as well as everyone else.

    Be quite open with people just how much you're coping with and that you will need support if you're not going to go under.
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