Think I'm now a single parent
gargoyle
Posts: 251 Forumite
Hi, my husband told me he was leaving me on Monday (not the first time, possibly the last). Long story cut short, he has severe depression ongoing for years and I find it hard to deal with it all the time so go out to escape. My birthday party on Saturday, hubby went home early and I went back to a male friends for a few more drinks with another friend. I knew he wouldn't like this as he asked me not to go there before so I lied, sigh. He realised then text me to say he was leaving.
Anywhoo, he has been gone for a couple of days, still been to see our daughter (she's 12) and we've tried talking it through. However I feel a bit of a sense of relief that I no longer have to live with a man who I have supported mentally and financially for the past 10 years, coped when he spends all day in bed and generally been a single Mum to our daughter for a while now.
Is this wrong to feel relief? What do I do now? I run my own business from home so financially this makes no difference to me, except maybe being better off. Help!
Anywhoo, he has been gone for a couple of days, still been to see our daughter (she's 12) and we've tried talking it through. However I feel a bit of a sense of relief that I no longer have to live with a man who I have supported mentally and financially for the past 10 years, coped when he spends all day in bed and generally been a single Mum to our daughter for a while now.
Is this wrong to feel relief? What do I do now? I run my own business from home so financially this makes no difference to me, except maybe being better off. Help!
"Failure is always an option"
Sealed pot challenge #107 - still going strong
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Comments
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If you feel relief then it's the right thing to have happened0
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What help do you want? I can blow up balloons for you.If you haven't got it - please don't flaunt it. TIA.0
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By going back to the friends house when you knew your OH wouldn't like it seems as though you have, maybe subconciously, forced the situation you are unhappy with to come to a head. As long as you and your husband can find a way to both still parent your daughter in the way she deserves it sounds as though it may be the right outcome for you. Good luck0
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Not at all! You're definitely on the right track.0
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It's not wrong to feel relief, I know from personal experience that constantly supporting someone with MH issues can be extremely draining and often frustrating. Has he been getting help for his depression - either medication or some kind of therapy? Perhaps having to 'fend for himself' so to speak might give him a bit of a kick to try and get himself a bit more sorted. Sometimes (and I have been guilty of this as well) if someone is supported fully then it can be a bit too easy for them to drift along the way they are and not try and work on moving forward and improving things for themselves.
If you do eventually decide to give things another go then I would make sure you talk to him about how you've been feeling and that you need things to change going forward in order for things to work. Obviously if he has severe depression he can't suddenly become 'all better' but he can make an effort to do certain things and work on getting any medical/professional help he needs to long-term be able to function on a more normal level.0 -
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He has been on various meds over the last few years, came off them a couple of times and things got really bad. He offered me a divorce during the summer holidays so I could be happy and I chose not to as he was changing meds and it didn't seem right. When times are good they are great, it's the days, weeks and sometimes months inbetween .
I'm preparing myself to be a single parent and carrying on with work etc. I guess I need to phone tax credits and council office at some point as he said he has been to the jobcentre and looked for somewhere to live.
I just wish he wouldn't keep turning it on to me, he told he was leaving and I'm now the bad one cause I made him stick to it."Failure is always an option"
Sealed pot challenge #107 - still going strong0 -
I just wish he wouldn't keep turning it on to me, he told he was leaving and I'm now the bad one cause I made him stick to it.
I have a relative who does this on a regular basis! After many years his wife decided to leave him. He does very little in his day to day life but when she tries to make suggestions to help him he comes back at her with: "well YOU've put me in this position, haven't you.."
I don't envy anyone who has that illness, but I do think that unless the depression is very severe and debilitating, that person does need to face up to it and do their best to deal with their own state of mind.0 -
He is now realising that I completely support him financially and is worried about his bills, as if that's my concern. I had already decided to carry on paying until he sorts himself out anyway as I have control over the accounts and what not. Maybe he has actually realised just how little he has contributed"Failure is always an option"
Sealed pot challenge #107 - still going strong0
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