A mother caring for its young - what does it evoke in you?

londonsurrey

Whether it's a child halted in its normal pursuits by its mother to wipe its face with a wet towel and have its hair neatened, or a kitten/puppy pinned down by mother and squeezing its eyes shut and knowing to submit to having its face licked, there's something there that makes me think of caring and loving, from mother to child.

I had a narcissistic mother, and it took me a years to realise that her spouting off about how she loved me and cared for me was just a line and didn't match up to the reality of how she treated me.

So I'm wondering if the caring I see of these young ones is coloured by my regret of what I missed, or whether other people see the caring and loving too, when watching these young ones being cleaned and spruced up by mummy?

I might need to word this differently, but I'm struggling to get the "shape" of what I'm trying to describe here.

j.e.j.

It is a very selfless kind of love, the love a parent has for their child, isn't it. But I think it depends on the personality of the individual mum.. some seem to embrace motherhood and the love they have for their child. Equally I think some people become mothers who perhaps shouldn't..

Maybe that sounds mean. It's just that I don't think that becoming a mum is necessarily going to make a mean-spirited, selfish person into a different personality. Some women cope well with having 24/7 responsibility for another little person, others.. well it just screws them up.

Anyway, I don't know if this is what you were driving at, OP. Just some of my thoughts. I'm not a mum myself and I'm sure if I was I'd have a different perspective.

aliasojo

I think there are those who show love easily without thinking about it and those who love but are perhaps not as demonstrative.

The love may be in equal measure with regards to these groups but one you can see, one you can't. This doesn't mean one is any better than the other, it's just different.

Of course there are also those who find it difficult to love and it seems easier to say the words rather than do the actions iyswim. I often wonder if this group should become parents at all tbh.

I'm a 'show-er' personally. If I'm in a checkout queue I'm likely to put my arm round my daughter's shoulders and kiss the top of her head for example. She's 12 now and doesn't appreciate this much now. :rotfl:

lika_86

Of coure it's caring that I see when I see that sort of thing. Subjectively however it doesn't evoke any maternal desires or deep stirrings to have the same thing with my own 'cubs', but I'm not at all maternal, never have been and as a result, don't plan on having children (by the way my childhood was entirely loving and caring and normal, I just have no desire to be a parent).

moneypuddle

aliasojo wrote: »

I'm a 'show-er' personally. If I'm in a checkout queue I'm likely to put my arm round my daughter's shoulders and kiss the top of her head for example. She's 12 now and doesn't appreciate this much now. :rotfl:

When I was 12 that would have embarrassed me too, but now I'm 26 I do the same to my mum in the supermarket. I would always stand with my arms linked with hers or would give her a hug whilst we're waiting. I hope your daughter does the same with you when she's older

marywooyeah

I think how you are parented yourself affects how you view mother and child relationships, or even father and child relationships, and subsequently how you parent yourself if the time comes.

my father constantly treated me and my brother like we were a nuisance and would take things he knew we liked away if we "being naughty" or if he lost something he would accuse us of stealing it and take our things away - I learned to keep quiet so as not to be a nuisance and not to become attached to things otherwise they would be taken away to hurt me.

As a parent now I explain why we are doing things so my son understands the reasoning and although "mum mum mum" can become tiresome I try to always be mindful of his point of view. He knows he is very much loved and we have a strong bond, so I feel the fact that I was poorly parented has taught me how to be a good parent - every cloud lol!

londonsurrey

Thank you for all your posts.

I feel very drawn to the picture - child that wants to run around, but stands there obediently, staring into mid distance, waiting for the grooming to finish. I think they're impatient, and want to run off, but know mummy will pin them down (and in the case of kittens and puppies, mummy does sometimes actually pin them down with one paw. Lol)

In that stare, I see confidence, and such a casual acceptance of care and love that they know it as a right, and are so confident in it, that they can't wait for it to stop so that they can run off and play again.

I feel drawn by the love given by the (oft harassed) mum and the confidence and security radiated by the child. Is it because of my quirks and background, or do others feel this too?

j.e.j.

I think I do get what you're saying. I feel it's really uplifting to see this sort of natural parent-and-child relationship. Equally, though, you often see youngsters being parented in a terrible way. That makes me feel sad, because the child at that age doesn't know any different, and may well grow up to be the same.. I hate to see negativity being perpetuated like that.

aliasojo

londonsurrey wrote: »

I feel drawn by the love given by the (oft harassed) mum and the confidence and security radiated by the child. Is it because of my quirks and background, or do others feel this too?

If I'm honest, seeing love expressed between parent and child doesn't really affect me too much, seeing an animal displaying affection to it's young touches me more.

VfM4meplse

londonsurrey wrote: »

I had a narcissistic mother, and it took me a years to realise that her spouting off about how she loved me and cared for me was just a line and didn't match up to the reality of how she treated me.

londonsurrey wrote: »

I feel drawn by the love given by the (oft harassed) mum and the confidence and security radiated by the child. Is it because of my quirks and background, or do others feel this too?

I don't think it's because of your quirks or background, it probably just indicates a caring and broody / ?childless? woman.

I too find myself picking up on innocuous gestures, I must be making a sympathetic face to the child w/o realising it as the mother will often give me a pleasant smile in return.

Don't look back on your own experience, if you would like to dobetter then your own history should not get in the way of it.

LittleMissAspie

It doesn't evoke anything in me, sorry. I don't mean to spoil anything but in the case of animals it's not love, it's just instinct to clean their kittens and be protective over them. The instinct can be broken for various reasons and parent animals can abandon or even kill their cubs. Not too different to humans except humans are supposed to have the intelligence to do something more humane when they don't want their children.

I'm always up for cute pictures though
http://thelintscreen.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/cats-mom-kitten.jpg