DS cant swim or ride bike at 7yrs.. am i worrying for nothing?

Person_one

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

I am surprised (or maybe i shouldnt be on here!) at how much i am feeling the need to defend myself and my OH ....... i posted because i wondered if it was unusual for a 7year old NOT to be swimming or riding a bike. I actually feel that a parent who cares enough to ask a question such as this and obviously wants to ensure that their child is achieving well and doesnt want them to feel left out by their peers, shouldnt then be berated by others for all of the various reasons - ie those who believe i am the devil incarnate for being unable to swim and therefore making my child miss out by not pushing enough....and then the other end of the spectrum, those who believe i am a bad and pushy parent due to not wanting my son to be left out when he goes to swimming etc with his peers............

Gosh, its a bloo*y good thing i have been on this site for long enough to take some of you lot with a pinch of salt isnt it?! Thanks though to those (more normal) people who have answered in a non-judgemental and informative way...... you guys are great!

Are we reading the same thread? Sorry, but I don't really see these attacks on you that you are feeling the need to defend yourself from.

Someone has suggested that you might be being too quick to dismiss your son's 'fear', but that seems like a perfectly reasonable comment to me, even if you feel its not the case.

Others have suggested that learning to swim yourself might be a good start. Well, it would, and its never too late!

Reading these as saying you are 'the devil incarnate' is honestly a massive overreaction.

FBaby

OP. I've read all your posts and I feel that the issue here is not so much about knowing how to swim/riding a bike, but the issue of your son not wanting to immerse himself in a task unless he can do it immediately. You say that this concern is not only with these two activities.

Usually this is the reaction of a child of low self-esteem, a child who thinks that he won't manage to accomplish something, at least not in reachable timescales, so there is no point in trying. Sometimes it is because they don't get rewarded for accomplishment (not saying that is your case!). The saying 'I'm scared' is quite common in this case. It's not that he is scared of the water or falling, but scared of not managing to learn the skill and feel bad about himself for it. Your son is clearly clever since he does well, but in his head, maybe he isn't?

I think you should work on this with him. Tell him that acquiring a task is always frightening because it feels like it is never going to happen, but if you work hard, you always do manage it and in the end, you look back and can't believe that you felt like this at one stage. Remind him the effort he would have put into learning to walk, run, read etc, all things he did manage to do successfully. Reinforce the feeling of pride when you do finally accomplish something you've worked hard for.

Along this, don't put pressure on him on the 'need' to acquire that skill at a particular age. Unless he has mobility difficulties, if he continues to try, he WILL get there. How long it takes doesn't really matter, but like most kids, it is when he decides that he CAN do it that it will happen, so anytime from tomorrow to many more years!

KateLiana27

No, it is not unusual.

From what you've said, it sounds like he could do it if he applied himself, but doesn't want to. If he can play baseball, there's probably nothing too wrong with his coordination. Sounds like a normal child expressing his preference for activities! Give yourselves both a break

Think about whether it really matters. As a child, I never learned to ride a bike beyond doing circles in our own (small) driveway. My parents didn't care, in fact I think they were pleased I wasn't out getting run over by lorries. Hasn't mattered a fig, even when I went to a cycle-heavy university town.

Swimming is a bit different, as it is a safety skill and potentially life-saving, so I think it's more important to encourage. Have you explained this to your son? Maybe dig out some disaster movie where the main characters have to swim to stay alive? It's all about motivation with kids, and if you can make swimming seem exciting, you're halfway there.

Good luck!

Wyre

First and foremost, I don't think it's that unusual for kids to be unable to do these things at 7. I learnt to swim at 10 at a Brownie night at the swimming pool - my Dad had been trying to teach me for ages but I was scared and couldn't do it with him - and ride a bike at 7 - but then only cos my younger sister was learning and I didn't want to be beaten by her.

My younger kids (10, 13 and 15) have basically self taught themselves to swim - obviously I helped where I could and made the pool fun and safe but let them play and they just picked it up, three now swim like fishes. My eldest has almost a phobia of water and won't even try (nearly 20 now so not an awful lot I can do to help).

One thing I wondered, when you ask him if he would like to stop and he says yes, what happens next? Is it the 'I create a fuss 'til I get what I want'? Does this happen in other areas ie if you ask him to do a small chore?

freddie_2

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

But if you are at work who is looking after your son, you are either paying for childcare or he is with family. if with family can they not take him, if you are paying for childcare then maybe your child missing out on learning a life skill like swimming is maybe part of the cost to pay. The swimming lessons are at 3:30pm... he finishes school at 3:15pm and it takes 15mins just to get to the town where the pool is (without then parking, getting in and getting changed etc), simply wouldnt be able to do it without leaving school 15mins early.... My OH is self employed, he picks him up - he is unable to take him himself after school as it is all lessons/classes at the pool from 3:30pm until 7:30pm when it would be too late for him to go. I also dont like the implication that if you have to use childcare, you are somehow doing your child out of something...dont use childcare as cant afford it and there simply isnt any in our rural location, BUT many do and i am pretty sure they would not like your implication there......
I know this may sound harse and I dont mean it to be but I do believe in learing to swim and would do (almost!) anything to ensure my children could do and do.



Short of digging a hole in the back garden, and filling it with water there is simply nothing i can do about the lack of available swimming time in our local leisure centre!! Oh, or perhaps we should just move to another area....... :cool:

all lessons/classes at the pool from 3:30pm until 7:30pm - Then book him into one of these classes.
You are lucky in that you can work without having to pay for childcare but yes it is a true fact that those in childcare have to do without certain things that those who arent are able to do/experience. But it works vice versa too.
But thats off on a tagent.....

Is there no week long courses on over the summer? They are great for getting them started and then your H could take him.

dizziblonde

My mum learnt to ride a bike at the age of nearer 50 than 40!

balletshoes

freddie wrote: »

Is there no week long courses on over the summer? They are great for getting them started and then your H could take him.

an intensive week-long course might work for your son OP, a couple of my nieces and nephews learned to swim that way instead of school classes/classes once a week. Worth looking into if he'd give it a go, but the places may already be full (even 10 years ago in our area you had to put your name down weeks in advance).

bigmomma051204

FBaby wrote: »

OP. I've read all your posts and I feel that the issue here is not so much about knowing how to swim/riding a bike, but the issue of your son not wanting to immerse himself in a task unless he can do it immediately. You say that this concern is not only with these two activities.

Usually this is the reaction of a child of low self-esteem, a child who thinks that he won't manage to accomplish something, at least not in reachable timescales, so there is no point in trying. Sometimes it is because they don't get rewarded for accomplishment (not saying that is your case!). The saying 'I'm scared' is quite common in this case. It's not that he is scared of the water or falling, but scared of not managing to learn the skill and feel bad about himself for it. Your son is clearly clever since he does well, but in his head, maybe he isn't?

I think you should work on this with him. Tell him that acquiring a task is always frightening because it feels like it is never going to happen, but if you work hard, you always do manage it and in the end, you look back and can't believe that you felt like this at one stage. Remind him the effort he would have put into learning to walk, run, read etc, all things he did manage to do successfully. Reinforce the feeling of pride when you do finally accomplish something you've worked hard for.

Along this, don't put pressure on him on the 'need' to acquire that skill at a particular age. Unless he has mobility difficulties, if he continues to try, he WILL get there. How long it takes doesn't really matter, but like most kids, it is when he decides that he CAN do it that it will happen, so anytime from tomorrow to many more years!

Thats so helpful - and something i shall try tonight!! Excellent advice FBaby :T

Thanks to everyone else who has given constructive answers

WestonDave

In terms of something practical, and having a 5 year old who due to disrupted lessons (started and then the pool roof was condemned so it was closed!) lost all his confidence, I'd give "learning to swim" a break for a while in a formal sense, but maybe over the summer go to the pool ( I realise this will have to be your OH) a few times without any pressure to actually swim. If you can find some form of suitable bouyancy aid (arm bands are the default but they feel very unnatural) - we used jackets with ours - http://www.swimjackets.net/ which have individual floats in them which you can take out gradually reducing the support they get. Anyway the initial point would be to give him the feeling of being able to swim and the enjoyment of messing around in water as if he could swim, without putting that pleasure behind a barrier of a long slog to learn. If you do that regularly it may (worked for us) stop swimming being seen as a chore and more something he wants to develop.

Probably not relevant for this year, but we've booked a week in a cottage in Devon for later in the summer - part of a group that share an indoor pool. One of the options available is swimming lessons on a one to one from a local instructor. The cottage rent isn't ridiculous for school holidays so if that was an option I'm happy to pass on the details.

alleycat`

Probably not that helpful:-

I could swim at 7 but i never managed to do a length of the pool (50 metres?) and always defeated myself by saying i couldn't

My dad put a £5 at the end of the pool, he'd never seen me move so fast.

Once i'd got it in my head i could do it then the problem went away.

Bribery worked on me, although probably not the greatest thing it did motivate me to get better.