Dad wants to give me all of his belongings before he dies

novamation

Dad wants to give me all of his belongings before he dies, how do we go about this?



My Dad has just been told to put his affairs in order, and wants to give me all of his belongings. He thinks it needs to be written out in a document that needs to be countersigned by my Mum. When I say belongings, I don't mean the house or money, but his stuff, like books, computers, toys, he thinks I'm better able to deal with it.

I don't understand why he can't just make a will? Or write out a reciept and sell me his stuff or something? He has only just heard this, he's probably in shock, and so am I too, so I don't know.

pinkclouds

I'm sorry for your distress. I imagine this has been a shock to you and your parents. Perhaps your dad is making rushed decisions just now and needs a little more time (if possible) to reconsider? Perhaps he is thinking of the need to "house clear" after he dies and is hoping that this will spare your mom from having to sort through his personal belongs when she is grieving? If you and your mom could agree on some action that would satisfy this need (either your mom being happy to do it herself or you doing it after he dies, on her behalf) then he won't feel the need to clear everything away in advance?

sunshinetours

As you probably have enough to all worry about at the moment maybe find a local family solictor to draw up wills and maybe letter of wishes to cover smaller items like you mentioned
Assuming no complicated family arrangements then shouldn't be too many issues to sort.

If there are any IHT issues and that si the reason fior the gifts, that may be a different issue for a different time?

Mojisola

How does your mother feel about this? One compromise could be be pack up all the stuff he wants to give you in boxes and then go through it all with your Mum later on to see if there's anything she would like to keep.

A will would make everything much easier on those left behind.

novamation

sunshinetours wrote: »

If there are any IHT issues and that si the reason fior the gifts, that may be a different issue for a different time?

Thanks for all your replies, yes this is horrendously stressful.

I think there's several problems,

1. Mum isn't really mentally or physically able to sort stuff, and there's a list of things he wants given to certain places, and I'm going to have to deliver stuff.

2. Some of the stuff has value, he thinks if he gives it to me now, and Mum lives for another 6 years then it won't add any extra IHT, the house could be over that limit. I guess also if Mum goes into a home, then it will all be lost to the cost of that.

Yeah, he hasn't even told Mum yet:(

I've just worked out why he wants Mum to countersign whatever, he thinks all his possessions are jointly owned with her, I don't think they are?

sunshinetours

There are tax issues and then there are nursing home/care home cost issues as separate items . Something that works for IHT purposes (ie gifting it usually) may well work for IHT but not necessarily for future care home fees
It is very rare that a home will be sold to opay for car home fees although charges can be taken over the home

I do think in this case you should all seek professional advice from a solicitor used to dealing with elderly clients possibly combined with a tax accountant who deals with estate planning. Its not really something for a free discussion board as someone would really need to see the whole picture to make a judgement

What I would say if the smaller items are low value items and noone else aside from your parents and you are likely to be aware of them, then a suitable "clear out and tidy up" may cause less stress in the long run, and keep your father happy. Clearly this doesn't include works of art or expensive collections

Kay_Peel

My father is doing the exact same thing and it's driving me round the bend.

I am more than capable of sorting his belongings after his death, but no - he wants to offload them now. It's almost as if he wants a complete declutter and NEEDS to reduce his belongings to the bare minimum. I also have to say that he has no interest whatsoever in the material things around him and just doesn't want to look at them.

Every time I visit, he's boxed up some more carp - golf clubs, prints in frames, training shoes, suits, books AAAAAGH. I keep hardly anything - most of it goes straight to recycling and jumble sales (and I tell him so!). He was taken aback at first - he thought I'd use them but now he doesn't seem to mind, in fact he couldn't give a hoot - he just wants rid.

It reminds me of the instinct to accumulate things and 'build a nest' when you're expecting a baby, except it's the opposite. It's an instinct to reduce your life down to the essentials before your time is up. I respect that wish and I can understand the reason for it, so I just go with the flow.

Good luck OP

DVardysShadow

Kay_Peel wrote: »

My father is doing the exact same thing and it's driving me round the bend.

I am more than capable of sorting his belongings after his death, but no - he wants to offload them now. It's almost as if he wants a complete declutter and NEEDS to reduce his belongings to the bare minimum. I also have to say that he has no interest whatsoever in the material things around him and just doesn't want to look at them.

Every time I visit, he's boxed up some more carp - golf clubs, prints in frames, training shoes, suits, books AAAAAGH. I keep hardly anything - most of it goes straight to recycling and jumble sales (and I tell him so!). He was taken aback at first - he thought I'd use them but now he doesn't seem to mind, in fact he couldn't give a hoot - he just wants rid.

It reminds me of the instinct to accumulate things and 'build a nest' when you're expecting a baby, except it's the opposite. It's an instinct to reduce your life down to the essentials before your time is up. I respect that wish and I can understand the reason for it, so I just go with the flow.

Good luck OP

Men who clear out their gutters and die within the year. There is a definite instinct at work.

getmore4less

It's part of the process of dieing.

Both my parents went through it when they found out they were terminal.
It faded over time as more important things took over.

In my view you go with the flow.

If there is anything of significant value then that may need to be thought about.

Most peoples personal effects are not worth that much.

If the estate will not have IHT(passes to mum) you can go through the motions no need for any paperwork.