Am I in the wrong?

kit

Hi all...... am in need of some moral support here!

My DD is 22 months. As I work full time (shifts) she goes to a childminder. The one I use has been great and I trusted her fully.

THEN when my OH dropped DD off after the xmas break, a man answered the door..... we didnt know who he was.
It turned out it was her new BF (of 3 months) and he was spending the week there to get to know her kids.
We had not been advised of this and had never had any contact with this man.
Needless to say I was so angry and emailed her to say this (I would have lost my temper if i said it in person).
She emailed back saying she understood and that her BF would not have any contact with my DD until his CRB was through and we had met him.
All sorted I thought..........
Then I picked DD up a few days later he was there. Again I was fuming so I grabbed my daugher and left. I emailed her once I calmed down asking why he was there when she agreed he wouldnt be.

Anyway, she emailed back giving me 4 weeks notice to end the contract saying I am out of order for feeling like this!! :mad:

A few people have said I overreacted whereas others have totally agreed with me. Views please?

catz747

I don't have kids but I agree with you. I wouldn't feel comfortable if there was suddenly a stranger there where my kids were being looked after & then to be lied to is a bit much.

Bossyboots

Surely she is in breach of her registration by allowing this man to have contact with the minded children without a police check. I don't think you are over reacting.

In your position, I think I would have to report her to the council. You gave her the opportunity to do the right thing. This man may not be a risk to children but if she cannot respect parents' feelings or the rules then I wouldn't feel confident with her having the care of children.

tevangelynne

i think you have over reacted its up to her who she spends time with . as long as your child isnt alone with nhim .. im sure you dont pay her that much to decide who she spends the day with sorry

Rachie_B

:eek: you are NOT out of order

anyone over 16 in the household needs to have a CRB check when you are a registered childminder

TBH i would be glad she has ended the contract as i wouldnt be happy with some guy being there whilst she cared for my daughter and other children

I hope you find someone better this time

tigerlily

I dont have any children but if I did and trusted someone to look after them I would not tolerate this. To have the childminder introduce someone who would be in contact with the children with out the CRB check coming through and without prior warning to the parents is irrisponsible. I would be furious.

Alleycat

To be honest, I don't think I would have flipped out but I still would have had some concerns and reservations. I totally understand how you must be feeling as you do not know him from Adam and at the end of the day she has a responsibility towards your and other children she childminds to keep them safe. I would assume there would be something she has signed with Ofsted regarding this sort of issue?

I know she has already given you notice, but would you be able to arrange a time to sit down and discuss the issues regarding her new boyfriend soon? It may be that you can come to an understanding over the situation and even if you do not want your child to continue there anyway, it might give you some time to find an alternative childminder?

Rachie_B

tevangelynne wrote:

i think you have over reacted its up to her who she spends time with . as long as your child isnt alone with nhim .. im sure you dont pay her that much to decide who she spends the day with sorry

what ?!!! but she is supposed to be WORKING

childminding is a job like any other

JonathanA

We've got kids and I would certainly want to know who was in close contact with them. I think you're right to be concerned. Had your childminder contacted you in advance, explained the situation and suggested that you meet with the BF before leaving your child, would you be in this position? I suspect not. However, she didn't, and whilst the guy is probably perfectly decent, you don't know that with any certainty.

I think you were right to raise the issues and I think she is being a little shortsighted in terminating your contract. Stick to your guns, after all this is your child and you need to make sure she is safe at all times.

kit

Rachie_B wrote:

what ?!!! but she is supposed to be WORKING

childminding is a job like any other

Thats my view too!
She says its her home - I said when she has my child its her place of work.
I work in an environment where I need a CRB and I would never take anyone in to that environment without a CRB..... and that includes my partner.

emmamcr

Ultimately it isn't a case of right or wrong, but that she, as a self employed person can do as she wants, as long as she meets OFSTED requirements (such as him not being unsupervised wth your child, even with a CRB check, unless he is registered as an assistant). Legally he needs a CRB check if he lives there when she is minding, but he does not need a CRB check as a visitor, as long as he is supervised. Answering the door or staying for a few days is not a breach of OFSTED terms.

I suppose it might have been better to calm down and then contact her in a more friendly way, sorting out something mutually acceptable. While I can see your POV, I can also see hers, being a childminder is a difficult job as it combines homelife and work, and I think clients have to accept there can be crossover. Childminders aren't nurseries or nannies, and I can't see that you have a right to say who lives in her house, if you entrust your child with her I imagine you have to trust how she runs her household...if you don't then you will probably be better off elsewhere.

Good luck with finding some childcare