help me find my mum a man !(she's nearly 70)

nottslass_2

Hi,my mum was widowed two years ago after 50 years of very happy marriage, she would now love to find happiness again and has tried a couple of online dating sites,and has made a couple of lovely new male friends,the one that she really fell for lived 200 miles away and although they still keep in touch, it never progressed to more than several weekends together because they both lived near family and didn't want to move away in their twilight years !

my mum isn't lonely,she has a great social life, she even went on safari last year on her own, so is full of adventure, and says that she dosn't feel her age (i struggle to keep up with her)Has anybody got any suggestions on how to find a man, although she does realise that at 69 years of age her options are somewhat limited.


Thanks

saxy1

I met my partner almost three years ago, through 'friends reunited dating', we are getting married in may!!

I wish your mum all the luck in the world! :beer:

victory

my mum met her partner at ballroom dance lessons! xx

Mrs_pbradley936

She should move to Florida at 70 she would be very young. Here ( I am in Florida at the moment) they still drive at 85 and have hip and knee replacement - well their own insurance pays not the NHS but I think the NHS writes you off when you are much past 70.

margaretclare

Hi nottslass

Funny that - I got to know my now DH via an online site in 1997 when we were both 62. I'd been widowed for 5 years, he was desperate to get away from what he called a 'stormy' marriage. Although he's a Londoner, he'd lived in and around Nottingham for some 20 years and most of his family is in the Midlands. He walked out, moved in with me, he got divorced and we've just celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary.

Someone in a 'Daily Telegraph' article today described falling in love late in life as 'like being hit by an Exocet rocket'. Yes, that was exactly what it was like. We were on the same wavelength from day one and we still are.

Why ever not move away, twilight years or not? Life is for living. I had all that stuff from older women at the church I used to attend 10 years ago - 'oh I wouldn't like another man in my home and my bed' or 'why can't you be content to be a widow, live on your memories'. Or even 'Well, I had the chance to remarry but......' and there are always a long list of 'buts', reasons why not in other words. Like a woman I knew who 'always wanted to' visit her mother's grave in Ireland, but never got around to it. Not even when I found out where it was, offered to arrange it all for her and go with her - she trotted out the reasons why not.

You say your mum's options are limited. They are limited only by what she wants! I would think seriously about moving that 200 miles. It's nothing with modern transport and communications.

For example, I used to go out for a drink with different guys who were only looking for a replacement cook/housekeeper and they'd make the point that 'they'd had to learn to cook since their wife died' and look hopefully at me. No romance, no eye contact, no flowers or chocolate, it was obvious what they wanted. It was so different when DH and I first got to know each other. So, so different.

Pbradley936, yes, I know what it's like in Florida, I spent a week visiting my sister at St Cloud. However, people here still drive - I know a woman who drives in her late 80s, and we have hip and knee surgery too! I don't agree the NHS writes you off after 70 - that isn't what DH and I have found at all. You have to be assertive and willing to ask questions, ask for what you want etc, but that applies at any age.

Margaret

lottee

She can have my OH if she wants !! He's only 28, so a definite toyboy if she's ok with that!! And if she's also ok with picking up after him day in day out, because I've had enough!
Seriously, you say she's quite outgoing & went on holiday recently on her own, so was it a specialist 'singles' holiday? Saga are meant to be really good: http://www.saga.co.uk/corporate/holidays/innovations.asp

Wish her luck for me, or pm me for my OH's mobile number !!! lol !!!

Mrs_pbradley936

margaretclare wrote:

Hi nottslass


Pbradley936, yes, I know what it's like in Florida, I spent a week visiting my sister at St Cloud. However, people here still drive - I know a woman who drives in her late 80s, and we have hip and knee surgery too! I don't agree the NHS writes you off after 70 - that isn't what DH and I have found at all. You have to be assertive and willing to ask questions, ask for what you want etc, but that applies at any age.

Margaret

Hi Margaret,

I only said that about the NHS because my Mother was in hospital last year and was horrified that they had put DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) on her notes! When she asked why they said they put that on the notes of everyone over 70. Luckily Mother pulled through and we all laughed about it – but had it been touch and go I would not have been happy if they did not do all they could. I think you know about the NHS from the other side so perhaps you know what to ask, my mother thinks that Doctors are one step down from God.

nottslass_2

thanks for the suggestions folkes, will suggest friends reunited to her,you never know their may be a fourth form romance waiting to be rekindled !

margaretclare, i'm so pleased for you,its lovely that you've found a man that makes you happy,i'll pass your words of wisdom on to my mum.

mind you i do think that i will be suggesting florida to her,it would be great for a money saving style holiday !

scoobydo_2

Neva mind finding a partner for a 70yr old how about one for a 40 yr old one lol

Sarahjovi

Heres a dating site that may be of interest!

http://www.sugardaddie.com/


Sarah:D

margaretclare

pbradley936 wrote:

I only said that about the NHS because my Mother was in hospital last year and was horrified that they had put DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) on her notes! When she asked why they said they put that on the notes of everyone over 70. Luckily Mother pulled through and we all laughed about it – but had it been touch and go I would not have been happy if they did not do all they could. I think you know about the NHS from the other side so perhaps you know what to ask, my mother thinks that Doctors are one step down from God.

Well, my DH never worked in the NHS but in the 25 years since he was diagnosed diabetic, he has found that many doctors who purport to give definitive advice, actually know b****r all about his condition. He, by contrast, made it his business to find out all he could and he's very well clued-up about it now. And he doesn't take what any doctor says as Gospel.

I don't know what was written on my notes, I didn't see them, but I'd be very surprised if either DH or I was automatically down as DNR when we had major joint surgery (he last September, me in December 2005). My consultant told me the day of surgery that there was a 7% failure rate and there were risks associated with surgery, strokes etc. We didn't mention DNR but I said 'well, if there's a 7% failure rate that means there's a 93% success rate, and that's the kind of odds I like'. He discussed everything with me openly and honestly, and that's the only way I can deal with these kind of things.

I did question this DNR the last time I ever did a shift on a medical ward - that was in the spring of 1998. When listening to the report being given at staff change-over it seemed that there were a lot of DNRs (they called it 'not for three twos' meaning that the call for the 'crash team' was by dialling 222). I asked who had agreed to all that - did the people concerned know, and I was told that it would have been discussed between the patient's consultant and the family, implying that the person themselves would NOT know or have been consulted! The patients were quite a bit older than 70 though, and all suffering from medical conditions e.g. heart, strokes, those kind of things.

DH and I have decided that in the event of e.g. a major stroke, neither he nor I would want to be resuscitated to face life as a 'vegetable'. We've both enjoyed our life too much for that. However it would have to be a decision that WE would make i.e. I could speak for him and he for me, but no one else should decide it.

I think your Mum had every right to question what she saw written and to demand an explanation. Not something I would want to laugh about! I would have said 'I'LL be the one to decide that, I WILL, not you, not someone else!'

Grrrr!

Margaret