Friendly divorce

Valleyman_2

My wife and I have decided to divorce in 2007. We have been separarted for 12 months. We are extremely friendly and have put off getting divorced until now because we did not want the courts to become involved and create an environment we didn't want. We are to toss a coin on New Years day to see who is to file the papers. We know we have to put a reason on the papers for the divorce, the reason for us is that we simply don't love each other anymore, there is no one else.
What I wanted to know is can we decide what we want to do with assets. We both have pensions and jointly own a house. I will be signing the house over to her along with all contents. I am established else where. We have 4 children whom I see every day. We know each other well enough to say that this will not change.
We want to do aas much of the divorce ourselves. At what point, if any, will will be "told" by the courts to get legal guidance/advice?
Thanks and a Happy New Year!

alwaysonthego_2

Have got no advice, but isn't it refreshing for a couple to put their feelings aside and remain friendly for the sake of their kids. Good luck and happy new year

Mrs_pbradley936

I think the rights of the children will be put before your own and your wife's concerns. As long as the Court is happy with those they should not interfere too much. They tend to get involved when money for the children is in short supply and one parent thinks the other can contribute more than there are doing.

looby75

where do you live? if it's in England you have to be separated for 2 years before you can get a "no fault" divorce otherwise you can only divorce on certain grounds such as unreasonable behaviour or adultery where one party has to accept the blame.

Valleyman_2

pbradley936 wrote:

I think the rights of the children will be put before your own and your wife's concerns. As long as the Court is happy with those they should not interfere too much. They tend to get involved when money for the children is in short supply and one parent thinks the other can contribute more than there are doing.

My wife doesn't do paid work. She is a full time mum and therefore I have maintained them to continue that way. We both focus on the children and their needs are paramount. We didn't want this to change and so were avoiding the courts until the papers needed stamping so to speak. I pay for everything which isn't a problem as far as I am concerned. What we didn't want is the courts saying we should divide the property/children etc thinking they are acting in someone's best interest or simply going that way because that's the way other divorces go.
It may read "mad" but we are both excited by starting the New Year by this step forward for us both.

Valleyman_2

looby75 wrote:

where do you live? if it's in England you have to be separated for 2 years before you can get a "no fault" divorce otherwise you can only divorce on certain grounds such as unreasonable behaviour or adultery where one party has to accept the blame.

We thought as much, can we go for a simple break down?

kathyd_2

No advice I'm afraid. I just wanted to say how civilised both you and your wife are being.

I have been happily married for many, many years but I would imagine it would be very difficult to remain on friendly terms if the circumstances leading up to the divorce were different. Nice to see parents not using their children as 'pawns'. You both deserve to find happiness in the future. Good luck.

Valleyman_2

kathyd wrote:

No advice I'm afraid. I just wanted to say how civilised both you and your wife are being.

I have been happily married for many, many years but I would imagine it would be very difficult to remain on friendly terms if the circumstances leading up to the divorce were different. Nice to see parents not using their children as 'pawns'. You both deserve to find happiness in the future. Good luck.

My wife worked in a solicitor's office many years ago and saw many couples using the children as pawns and not talking to each other I'm not sure how much solicitors contribute to creating this situation .

Bossyboots

Valleyman wrote:

We thought as much, can we go for a simple break down?

No. You have to provide evidence of why the marriage has broken down and there are only five acceptable petitions.

1. Two years separation and the consent of both parties
2. Adultery
3. Unreasonable behaviour
4. Desertion
5. Five years separation.

As for dividing the assets, you are free to divide these as you please. However it is vitally important that you have this agreement drafted into a consent order that is approved by and sealed by the court. I would suggest you get the order drawn up by a solicitor so that the wording is correct. This need not cost very much and you can simply present a solicitor with the terms of the agreement to be drawn into the appropriate order. You would be advised to seek full financial disclosure and your wife (or you if she approaches a solicitor which might be the better option as if she is not working she might qualify for legal aid) would be advised to seek independent advice. You do not have to do this although you will probably be asked to sign a disclaimer to the effect that you have been advised to do this but chosen not to.

The court can ask for fuller details of why the settlement is fair to both parties by calling the couple to court but usually an explanation at this time is sufficient for the order to be approved.

If you do not have an order sealed by the court and later on have assets, the other party could be in a position to make a claim against them.

Although you can do pretty much everything you need to yourselves, an appointment with a solicitor to advise you specifically on your position would be very wise.

CFC

Bossyboots is right.

Easiest way is to draw up the financial agreement between yourselves, then both present yourself to solicitors and let them know that this is the agreement. It's their affair to get it all rubberstamped by the court. This will be 'on the nod' unless it looks to the court on the face of it that one party is being extremely foolish or has been badly advised, in which case questions may be asked.

The fastest way to divorce, if you both want one, is for one party to claim unreasonable behaviour or adultery, just making up some farrago of nonsense and the other person not disputing it. Providing there is really good feeling between the parties, this will have no effect other than to speed things up. There is no 'punitive measure' in divorce settlements so it will make no difference to the way that courts look at the financial settlement or the care of the children.

Unreasonable behaviour:

A few paragraphs are normally sufficient and in a case where a marriage has in fact irretrievably broken down it is unusual not to be able to find some instances of unreasonable behaviour which will suffice for the purposes of obtaining a divorce. It is important to understand that the courts are not too demanding about this - particularly where the parties are agreed on a divorce.

• Unreasonable behaviour is behaviour by the respondent which means that the petitioner cannot reasonably be expected to live with her / him any longer. There is no legal definition of unreasonable behaviour but it includes such behaviour as physical and mental cruelty to you or your children, verbal abuse, financial irresponsibility, drunkenness or transmission of certain sexually transmitted diseases. Controlling behaviour can also be considered unreasonable, so can refusing to pay the housekeeping. Staying away for days on end despite requests to come home could be considered as unreasonable.

• Usually, there will have to have been a number of incidents. Each incident in itself does not have to be serious. A long period of trivial incidents may well be considered sufficient to justify a divorce.

• You should provide a detailed account of the behaviour which you consider has led to the breakdown of the marriage. It is helpful to include approximate dates and places of incidents. This enables the respondent to understand what is alleged and helps the district judge decide whether the behaviour was unreasonable.

• If you have continued to live together for six months after the last incident of unreasonable behaviour, this may be used to indicate that you can be expected to continue living together. It may result in the divorce not being granted.

Becles

It might be nice and friendly now, but what happens when things change in the future?

I had a nice friendly divorce and didn't bother with a consent order. However some time after divorcing, my house price had risen rapidly while ex had spent a fortune on high value electrical goods, foreign holidays and other luxuries, and ended up thousands of pounds in debt. His solution was to try and force me to sell the house as he wanted the equity from it to repay his debts. Luckily my solicitor managed to persuade him this was a bad idea as I would be entitled to claim a share of his inheritance when his wealthy parents die, so we had the consent order drawn up so he cannot do it again. If either party has some sort of financial windfall, think about how the other party will deal with this.

What happens if either party moves on? I married again last year, and now I'm expecting new hubby's baby. Ex is not happy about this and is being difficult at the expense of our boys. Think about how both of you will deal with things if a significant change happens in the other persons life, as things can turn nasty there.

Sorry to put a dampner on things, but you must consider these things. I didn't and thought everything would be nice and friendly forever, but I was sadly mistaken. It is important to look at the "big picture" and protect yourself for every eventuality, however good or bad they may seem.

Good luck with it all.