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Son's birthday on 25th December!!!

135

Comments

  • jackieb
    jackieb Posts: 27,605 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Combo Breaker
    I have to agree with everyone else. You say his mum spoils him but that's not the point. You don't need to spend a fortune. A little effort goes a long way. I can't believe you didn't even get him a card. You could have made a little voucher IOU promising him a special day out and put that inside a card.
  • Probably a bit late now but you have a computer, couldn't you make him a card with a picture of you on him together on it??
  • thesaint wrote:
    Merry christmas all,
    Am I a bad dad? It's my son's 9th birthday today, and I have not bought him a thing for it, no presents, cards, nothing. :o The problem(with me) is that I HATE shopping with a passion. I am due to pick him up at 2.30p.m. to spend the rest of the day with me and my side of the family. He is presently at his mums where he will be spoilt rotten. He won't want for anything, so that doesn't bother me, He won't be bothered himself(If previous years are an indication). It's not that i'm a scrooge, I have no problem spending the money, it's just choosing things that I hate.
    I usually take him into town on Boxing day to get some accessories for his birthday haul. Should I be concerned? I just hate it when my Aunts, Uncles, Cousins e.t.c ask me what i've got him.

    Is it only me?

    I honestly cannot understand why people who have kids, could have an attitude like that? You and your partner/wife brought that little boy into the world and I honestly believe that as parents you should try and make him as happy and loved as possible. His birthday is a celebration of the day you and his mum brought him into this world. It should be recognised regardless of what day of the year it is.You dont say if you even bothered getting him Christmas presents either. I hope you did give him something - anything!

    Do you want your boy to grow into a man and look back on his childhood and think my dad never gave me a birthday card? Is that how you want to be remembered by your son when your gone?

    The good thing is by posting on here you are thinking to yourself that it is wrong. You should speak to your son BEFORE his birthday and ask what he wants, then check with his mum that she isnt getting him it for Christmas. By making an effort with your son you will have a better relationship with him in life. You should be showing your son what a good dad is and then if he is one he will have learned from you.
  • My parents never celebrated my birthday. They never celebrated Christmas either. Big events like this were ignored. Never mentioned. It was just treated as any other day. As a child I just grew to accept it. We're Chinese and used to live in a small town. There were no other Chinese people there so I just thought that Chinese people were like this. When we got older, my siblings and I would buy each other presents and cards and also buy our parents presents and cards. We learnt this from our friends at school. It wasn't until I was in my early 20's when I went to work in Hong Kong that it hit me that Chinese people do celebrate birthdays and Christmas. Since I've realised this and acknowledged the fact that my parents just can't be bothered a huge gap has grown in our relationship. Especially since I had my little boy 2yrs ago. The love I feel for him is so overwhelming. It makes me terribly sad that it seems my parents don't feel the same for me. By all means they might do but they don't show it. Not by actions or words. In fact, I have no memory of ever hugging my parents or of sitting on their laps or of them giving me a kiss. Because of my upbringing I don't get excited about special days. Since having my son I have made an effort to recognise these days though and to celebrate them and to make sure my son and DH knows how special and loved they are.

    Your son might not show he's hurt but I will bet anything that he hurts terrribly. It doesn't matter what excuse you have. Your son will just view it as indifference and rejection. He will feel unloved by you. That he's not of importance to you.

    I sincerely hope that you can manage to make the effort from now on. Surely it's not that hard? The bottom line, in my opinion, is whether you WANT to do it.
    Dummie
  • Just wanted to add that it's my son's birthday today (Boxing Day). As usual, my parents hasn't said anything even though I spoke to them only yesterday when I called to wish them a Merry Christmas. My parents live abroad and NEVER call me. It's expected for me to call. Since DS was born 2yrs ago they have never asked about him. My in-laws on the other hand call every other day. They always ask about us and we have web cam conversations at least once a week so they can see how their grandson is doing. They sent over gifts and cards for Christmas and his birthday and are sad that they cannot physically be here with us. We will therefore have a party with them via webcam so they can 'join in' with our celebrations and sing happy birthday to him. It's sad. My son doesn't even know he has 2 sets of grandparents.
    Dummie
  • Danni
    Danni Posts: 345 Forumite
    My daughter is 3 today (must be a popular time for birthdays) and the thought of her daddy not giving her a present shocks me. I absolutely hate shopping, but still make the effort to go out Christmas and birthday present hunting as the look on my daughter's face when she receives a gift is worth all the effort. She has lots of family on her daddy's side, and although they all spoil her rotten she still gets a lot of presents of mammy and daddy, and if we were ever to split up that would continue. Even a card with some money in would show you cared, but you sound as if you can't be bothered.
    Purple Penguin Power!
  • This thread still upsets me. The whole thing is about "doing the right thing" even if you don't enjoy doing it or find it hard. It's about being a grown up and taking responsibility for the more important things in life.

    If you still haven't bought him a card, it's not too late. Buy a nice one and get him something - it will mean something because it's from his dad, not because it's a big present
  • thesaint
    thesaint Posts: 4,324 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    Wow,
    I didn't expect any different I suppose, but I guess most of you were right to say what you said. Firstly I must say that he wasn't bothered at all, I know him well enough to know when he is hiding things, he wears his heart on his sleeve.
    I'm sorry, but I don't know how to quote peoples responses.

    K60sav, I know where you are coming from. I fought for over a year to see him reguarly. There is no question of him wondering if I care about him, plenty of hugs and kisses from a 9 year old boy is rare these days. He stays at my house twice a week, one of the days I take him to a swimming lesson and then to football practice, the other day is a family day. I do take him on holiday with me(Twice to the U.S and twice to the Caribbean) so we spend good quality time together. I don't mind taking him shopping on Boxing day because he can choose whatever he wants.

    Glenstan, Your idea wouln't work because all our family always go to my Grandmothers and everyone is opening presents e.t.c. so although he is made a big fuss over, it's not his day. If his birthday was any other day it would work excellently.

    Tustastic and jackieb, your idea's are also really good. We do the theme parks, parks, library, roller skating, ice skating e.t.c quite often, but having "dad vouchers" would be special because he could choose for himself, I will be doing that with him.

    We had a great day, he was up 'til about midnight when he zonked out on the sofa exhausted. He has just woke up, so after he's watched "The Simpsons" we are going to get dressed and go into town to spend, spend, spend.

    Merry Christmas to you all.
    Well life is harsh, hug me don't reject me.
  • People place too much value on the material. There are plenty of dads who don't bother spending any time with their children, don't contribute financially or emotionally and generally don't care.

    It sounds like you didn't give him either a Christmas or a birthday present, but he had lots of other gifts from family to open? If it's a regular thing that daddy takes him shopping for gifts on Boxing Day then that sounds fair enough to me.
    May all your dots fall silently to the ground.
  • looby75
    looby75 Posts: 23,387 Forumite
    saint have you ever sat down and asked your ds if he minds not having a card from you on his birthday? Personally I think what you are doing, making a big fuss of him on boxing day is a good idea, My birthday is at the end of jan and imo it's still to close to christmas lol so I would hate to have my birthday on christmas day. At least your way he gets 2 special days.

    I think the reason people have been so tough on you is because in your first post you said you couldn't be bothered to go shopping, but your last post explains things a bit better.

    Hope your son has a good day and gets lots of bargains, and you both don't get squashed in the boxing day rush lol
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