Messed up;

SimIsOnTheUp

Hi,

I'm embarrassed to admit, that after having fallen off the wagon last Friday, and drinking until Monday, my alcoholism and subsequent depression has got much worse.

I got through £200 in 4 days, and now I just don't know what to do anymore.

Last Friday, I'd planned to pay all my bills, do a big food shop online, and start my permitted work.

Got stressed out to hell, ended up drinking, and then carried on drinking.

Now, I have £3.58 to my name, no food left, and no money until next Friday.

I am too ashamed to call up the Social Fund for a Crisis Loan, in the morning, as I'd have to fib (have told them I'd lost my wallet in the past, when I hadn't), and I don't want to do that again.

I can start the permitted work (have informed the DWP), from home tomorrow and Saturday (telemarketing), but I have to eat, and right now because of my addiction having got much worse, I'm stuffed.

What the hell do I do?

Thanks,

Sim x

paye

SimIsOnTheUp wrote: »

Hi,

I'm embarrassed to admit, that after having fallen off the wagon last Friday, and drinking until Monday, my alcoholism and subsequent depression has got much worse.

I got through £200 in 4 days, and now I just don't know what to do anymore.

Last Friday, I'd planned to pay all my bills, do a big food shop online, and start my permitted work.

Got stressed out to hell, ended up drinking, and then carried on drinking.

Now, I have £3.58 to my name, no food left, and no money until next Friday.

I am too ashamed to call up the Social Fund for a Crisis Loan, in the morning, as I'd have to fib (have told them I'd lost my wallet in the past, when I hadn't), and I don't want to do that again.

I can start the permitted work (have informed the DWP), from home tomorrow and Saturday (telemarketing), but I have to eat, and right now because of my addiction having got much worse, I'm stuffed.

What the hell do I do?

Sim x

there must be friends or family you can turn to for help. If that fails then i don't think you have much choice other than to apply for a crisis loan. I'm sure others will be along to give you more advice.
You seriously need to look at yourself and start sorting yourself out. It can be done. good luck m8.

elsiepac

Hey Sim

I'm so sorry to hear that you fell off the wagon, you were doing so well. But of course, you've made your big step of coming on here and admitting it to us all, and as you know, that's a really positive thing.

I beg you not to go down the PDL route - I seem to remember you doing that once before? And you know it only compounds issues.

I think you do obviously need some money, and a crisis loan would be the way forward. I don't know much about them - do they understand alcoholism/depression/combination of the two? Will they not accept that as a valid reason for needing it? If not, you may need to lie unfortunately, but I don't want to encourage you to do that of course!

TBH, it seems to me that the bigger issue why you had a binge? I don't expect you to write out everything on here, I know it can be very personal, however what I'm getting at is that something must have triggered you - you were really positive as you said yourself, and had everything planned out with your bills, food shopping etc, then something happened. Something that made you abandon your good intentions and go down the route that you did. I know that in general you are really doing extremely well, which is probably why you are feeling worse about this episode. Do you have any kind of support network to help you with the bigger problem? I'm talking about professionals really; AA, counsellors, ATP team, GP even? Have you been referred from your GP at all to specialist services? I'm sure you have, i'm probably patronising you...sorry if that's the case . Can you get some kind of system in place where if you feel you might be at a point where you are going to be triggered, that you call someone, even if just the Samaritans? Better if you have family or friends you could ask to come over to distract you or better yet go to their house or a coffee shop, to remove yourself physically from the place you are associating yourself with temptation?

I know I'm not being any help today, I just feel for you so much, you're trying so hard and doing so well - regards your depression is there something that always makes you happy? A favourite film, book, song, website, anything really just as a temporary relief to the general sadness, as you do something that makes you happy more and more, even if you're not exactly laughing out loud, eventually the worst of it will lessen to bearable ache rather than an overwhelming pain...

I hope you have a good night's sleep Sim and that my post isn't offensive in any way... sending you my very best wishes and a big hug.. :grouphug:

LC x

SimIsOnTheUp

paye wrote: »

there must be friends or family you can turn to for help. If that fails then i don't think you have much choice other than to apply for a crisis loan. I'm sure others will be along to give you more advice.
You seriously need to look at yourself and start sorting yourself out. It can be done. good luck m8.

Thanks for your reply.

Friends gone, all but one.

Known him 11 years, and he won't help.

I'm not surprised though, as he only ever called / texted when he wanted to go out drinking.

As for family, theres my Dad and Aunty.
Both of whom I've not spoken to for 2 years.

Miss them like mad, and could do with their hugs as much as anything else.

Feel like I can't call them, as I don't want to worry them, and want to be sorted (as you rightly say I need to be), before I get in touch.

Re Crisis Loan people, I've fibbed to them twice before, and I don't want to do that again.

Heard a saying this week, from a fellow alkie online; How he wasn't a bad person who did sick things, but a sick person who did bad things.

Booze has really !!!!ed me up, and caused me to hurt so many people, aside from the debt stuff.

I'm now willing to go back to AA, 7 times a week.

Thanks.

elsiepac

SimIsOnTheUp wrote: »

I'm now willing to go back to AA, 7 times a week.

Please do this you need to.

Can you also get referred from your GP to specialist services? I ask because I work for private chain of mental health hospitals (I'm not medical myself, work in IT!) and a lot of business comes from NHS. e.g. at our site there is a resident ATP team andI'm sure a lot of the patients with them are referals from the public sector...it's worth a try to get referred from the GP it really is...

LC x

SimIsOnTheUp

elsiepac wrote: »

Please do this you need to.

Can you also get referred from your GP to specialist services? I ask because I work for private chain of mental health hospitals (I'm not medical myself, work in IT!) and a lot of business comes from NHS. e.g. at our site there is a resident ATP team andI'm sure a lot of the patients with them are referals from the public sector...it's worth a try to get referred from the GP it really is...

LC x

Thank You for your kind, helpful words.

I will call my GP tomorrow / today.

You're spot on regarding getting a support network in place; someone I can call.

Will probably have to call Crisis Loan people, and say I lost my wallet again. That sounds awful.

This is all so bloody exhausting.

Goodnight x

SimIsOnTheUp

I'm praying they help with money just for the next week (£30 - 40).

Will be the last time I call them.

elsiepac

SimIsOnTheUp wrote: »

Thank You for your kind, helpful words.

I will call my GP tomorrow / today.

You're spot on regarding getting a support network in place; someone I can call.

Will probably have to call Crisis Loan people, and say I lost my wallet again. That sounds awful.

This is all so bloody exhausting.

Goodnight x

Good luck with your GP and the crisis loan people. I really hope they help you... also good luck with your GP, let us all know how you get on.

Hope you get a semi-decent night's sleep, try not to worry too much for now, you have a plan in place and that's half the battle.

Just think, each time this happens, isn't it further incentive not to let ithappen again? Or at least not to the same extent? Could you make yourself some kind of sign and stick up around your home, with reminders of why you are staying sober, and a crisis pack for if you want to binge - something like a really nice thing to eat and drink (not alcoholic), a dvd that you really want to watch, something to do with your hands? That's a bit of a silly idea, I'm just typing as I think really. How about a sign to look at when you want to binge. Get pictures to put you off - us fat people have a term called thinspiration - literally, inspiration to be thin. Basically it is anything to inspire you - pictures of thin people etc. Then there is reverse thinspo, pictures of really fat people or perhaps side effects of being really fat, like nasty skin - basically anything off putting so you won't eat unhealthy. Could you adapt this in some way? I know it's extreme and probably not at al politically correct, but if you see a picture of someone in a right state due to the effects of drinking - would it not make you think, I don't want to be like that person? And thus have a positive effect?

Sorry i'm rambling again, just trying to think of things for you, but anyway, I must go to bed, was about to before I saw your first post!

Hope you get a good sleep Sim, night x

MAY1950

Hi Sim

Sorry to hear what's happening, I can't really offer any further advice than what you have been given, but just want to say I hope you get all the assistance you need.

Take Care

Sending you lots of hugs

Phelpsie001

Didn't want to read and run!!

I really really hope that you get the help that you need and deserve.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2407337

This thread may have some ideas on how to feed yourself

Gettingtherequickly

Not sure where you are, but is there the possibility of seeing if there is a food parcel place in your area. Saw this on the news the other night and they were surprised at the people who are now in need of one. If there is, at least it would put food on the table for you and more importantly for you, you would simply be viewed as someone who needs help, not someone who has no right to be there.

You need to eat to keep going.