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want to take my head out of sand

Hi Every1,


i'm in a pretty bad way.
i took on a loss making business last year alongside my existing one as well as a full time job.
I ended up with lots of unpaid time off with stress and ultimately got fired in dec, since then i have begun to be able to turn the loss making business arround but not enough to pay myself.


so this whole year i have had no income (trying to catch up with paperwork so i can prove no income and try and get some benefits), bills haven't been paid and the letters not even being opened.
things are on the turn with lots of big things happening, but i know i am approaching the really sever debt stage and i may loose everything inbetween now and 2/3 month time when i can finally pay myself.


i need to find all the paperwork for everything - catch up with the business accounts and i know i need to open the letters and deal with all this, but i am terrified.


I moved back home just before all this happened so my mother is supporting me at the moment which is a horrible feeling for a 28 year old having had to go home, and she caqn barely support herself as we lost my father in early feb, so she is really suffering by having me there and not being able to contribute any rent food or electric etc money.


i am just very scared, i dont know where to start with all this and i keep trying to face it but i cant quite seem to bring myself to open all the letters.
All the debts i have are from an extravagant lifestle with my ex fiance who pretty much just mounted up loads of debt, ruined our flat and all our possesions with a violent fit and then i got lumbered with all the costs. so its loands credit cards and overdrafts.


how do you make yourself deal with all this? where the hell do you start? i'm really scared not sleeping and not focusing on business properly.
«1

Comments

  • JLL
    JLL Posts: 92 Forumite
    I think you've answered your own question. You must open the letters then take it from there. I was like you hoping they would go away, but they don't. It will give you a big sense of relief once you've taken the step to open them, then you know exactly what your dealing with.

    Once you've opened them then come back on here and people with help you to take the next step. Trust me the sooner the better then you'll get a good nights sleep.
  • CH27
    CH27 Posts: 5,531 Forumite
    Do it for your mum's sake.
    Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud.
  • do you think i'll be putting things off or being sensible if i catch up with where business finances are before i open the letters?
    my thinking is that then i'll know allready how much i can hope to take out of the business to help me tackle it.
  • JLL
    JLL Posts: 92 Forumite
    i think you'll be puttin things off. The reality of the situation is that them letters tell you how much you owe. Imagine how you feel if you leave it sort your business out thinking you'll be fine then opening the letters and finding out it's worse than you thought. Rip the plaster off now.
  • ok i am in the process of gathering all the piles of paperwork and sorting into business and the nasty ones that i have to open.
    the pile is huge allready. i'm going to gather them all up and then work through them :-(

    i think there are going to be tears and i may well be here all night.

    its going to get worse before it gets better isnt it? :-(
  • CH27
    CH27 Posts: 5,531 Forumite
    Possibly but once you have faced the worst you can move onwards & upwards.
    Chin up sweetie.
    Try to be a rainbow in someone's cloud.
  • ok i am ashamed to say that i found things, tidied up to get ready and then fell asleep and have been busy with big events and then got 2 scared again to face this...... its taken me a whole day of procrastination and now is nearly midnight to work up the courage to start thinking i am going to clear office desk and try to get everything out (another big pile of letters has since arrived) and figure out how to start dealing with this.

    with dads death and everything else happened i think i may have to go to the doctors as well as sort out the business accounts in order to document my recurring depression as well as prove the business makes 2 little profit to pay bills due to bill increases and broken equipment replacement etc.

    i know posting here is another form of procrastination. but i am getting closer, and i need there to be an accountable written record that i must at least open some of the letters before i go to sleep - if i go to sleep
  • Hi,

    I really feel for you, I got into a similar situation with post etc quite a few years ago, then got too worried to open it. When I eventually did (thankfully just in time) i found letters from the Building society where my mortgage was in arrears threatening to re-possess. I was so scared, but plucked up the courage to ring them up and they were great. Came to a payment arrangement that was affordable for me and acceptable to them. I think the acariest bit is opening them, but ultimately you can't deal with it until you do. Once you know what you're dealing with it's no where near as bad as the unknown.

    Here's the cruel to be kind bit - you have a roof over your head, so what's the worst that can happen? Open it all TODAY!!! we're here for you and ready to help and support x
    Lloyds TSB Personal Loan £17,000 £961.45 £0 :j

    Barclaycard £4,897.38 £3359.29

    Virginmoney £3,000 £2299.00 :eek:
  • chevalier
    chevalier Posts: 7,937 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture Combo Breaker
    First of all put the letters into piles by company. That will mean you have lots of little piles to deal with. Less imtimidating than a big pile! Then make a pact with yourself to just deal with opening one pile today. Once you have got over the hump of starting at all, I think you will gather speed! And also try and sort out some benefit money too if you can.
    chev
    I want a job that is less than an hour driving away from my house! Are you listening universe?
  • ok ive been up all night, and have opened it.
    they are all small ammounts as far as bad debt goes but all far far beyond my reach when i sleep at the shop because i cant afford busfare home and lucky enough to be surrounded by other shops and restaurants that dont know whats going on but worry about me spending such long hours here so do things like bring me food.

    it was a good 8 years ago but i did used to work for collections for a bank and am luckhy that i remember just enough legislation to know that as none of them have yet gone to solicitors they do have to help me and have arrangements and guidlines in place to help prevent action on any1 shouwing goodwill no matter how small....

    none the less, i have just been on the phone to HFC for over an hour - explained my situation and relevant details and timeline to them, explained i am trying to start dealing with this and get a picture of things and i need to make a GOGW to hold action for 2 weeks - i was told repeatedly that the minimum they can accept is 75 squid and then he proceeded to talk over me every time i started to refer to the CCA and the fact i am calling them etc etc - he used a technique i recognise called lidbury wheras the aim is to demorralise and frighten the debtor and use fear to generate payment.
    this i know was passed down as being against the cca practices of fair treatment over 8 years ago - it was made a big no no and get the company into lots of trouble while i was still training people. i made it very clear what knowledge i had...
    only once he had forced me to repeat myself at least 4 times regarding the abuse, dads death, the mugging, the being signed off with depression and stress and then getting fired etc to the point where i was in tears did he suddenly tell me that oh well we can take a £5 gesture of goodwill and hold action for 2 weeks.

    so after 45mins of pointless lying to me before it became apparent that not only was i telling the truth but also not going to believe his adamant lies that there is nothing at all they can do unless i pay £75 he turns around and offers me what i started out offering having told them that i have no income and cant afford to eat and taking the time to explain all factors before making them the offer i know they are legally obliged to accept.

    ok i won out, but any1 that doesnt have knowledge or experience of working in collections would have been utterly destroyed by what i have just gone through, it was bad enough for me and i knew for a fact i was right, but the treatment and use of the lidbury technique and knowing i was right and being lied to and treated in ways against legislation and being forced to repeatedly recount really traumatic experiences has left me in bits.
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