A Bank Holiday Present From Hell

snookey

Im really sorry to hear of your situation. Iv had to deal with my oh gambling and stealing from me . Its not about the money but the fact that the person you trust most in the world has done this to you and your family.
All I can say to you is to do whats best for you and not whats best for your partner.

greytdog_2

what about a DMP - its another option. How many kids do you have? could you downsize to cover the initial issue then work on what cuased it and where the money went once the heat is over.

DVardysShadow

Valentino246 wrote: »

House is worth £260-£270k with a £152k Mortgage on it. There are no other assets, as she managed to spend all savings in our savings account worth around £15k. We only have one car a 3 yr old Corsa 1.2 and she has given that to logbook loans. So we can wave goodbye to that as well.

A lot of asset stripping.

RAS wrote: »

Hi

1. You need to sit down with her and do full credit checks on her (all three).

2. She then needs to do a Subject Access request for all the accounts where she has debts (should show where the money has gone).

3. Do SARs for your joint accounts too.

4. For safety's sake do credit checks on yourself incase there is other stuff she has opened without you knowing.

I suggest you might put the house on the market, one option being that she goes BR once it is sold and you pay the joint debt from your equity.

However, I really do think she has been stashing some of this money somewhere (possibly with family?)

The one you have missed, RAS:

5] Go to the Land Registry site and download the register of charges for your property - just to see if there are any more surprises lurking. You might as well get to the bottom of it

crm

Valentino246 wrote: »

House is worth £260-£270k with a £152k Mortgage on it. There are no other assets, as she managed to spend all savings in our savings account worth around £15k. We only have one car a 3 yr old Corsa 1.2 and she has given that to logbook loans. So we can wave goodbye to that as well.

Hi there, this is something Im going to point ouit and forgive me if Im off the mark here, but if there is £85k of Debt and your house is worth £260 - 270k and your mortgage is only £152k then that means that in theory your house has more than enough equity to swallow the debt and you would still have 23k equity left, why dont you just remortgage the house? that would save you losing your house and wrecking your credit ratings etc.

frugalzzz

OP that is just awful! I have a neighbour who did something very similar to her dh to the tune of €45k. He forgave her, took her back but it was a terrible time for them.

What did she spend the money on? Has she said?

Valentino246

iKennett wrote: »

I don't want this to sound mean... your household's finances should have been a join effort and some of your own ignorance has gotten you in to this position.

That said however I really feel for you and wish you luck what ever route you take.

You have one very hard decisions to make... a) your marriage - this will impact your future steps. I don't want to make any suggestions as its a very personal thing BUT make sure you use the FREE helplines and don't PAY for someone to do things you can do.

What the heck has this money been paying? The debt must have started someone... have you been spending too much as a family?

Don't assume time isn't on your side... things can wait weeks... let this settle.

We can survive quite comfortably on what we both earn. Shove in a few 39-415% Aprs in there and BANG it all goes to hell and this is what stated it. Borrowing to hide it from me until this and now.I shall have my revenge. It wont be pleasant.

23skintoo

Valentino246 wrote: »

We can survive quite comfortably on what we both earn. Shove in a few 39-415% Aprs in there and BANG it all goes to hell and this is what stated it. Borrowing to hide it from me until this and now.I shall have my revenge. It wont be pleasant.

none of that makes sense, survive quite comfortably and then your last two sentences, really?

paulc19

Dear OP
I have sympathy for your terrible situation.
However, don't be fooled! 85K of debt doesn't just happen through high APR. This is your personal affair but if you want my advice you must push her for the truth, i smell a rat here. This has all the hallmarks of a gambling addiction. I speak as someone who has f***ed up my finances through gambling in the past and it all reads so familiar. AND guess what? If you bail her out and she doesn't address anything (presuming this is a gambling debt) it will happen all over again. Get statements of all the debts and find out what she has been spending it on, it might be the smartest thing you'll ever do.

P.s. I haven't posted on here for over a year but i just felt compelled to comment. Good luck.

Valentino246

What I meant was that with our wages and withought the debt we could have survived comfortably. the bit on revenge is based on my feelings at that time. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.

Valentino246

Thanks so much for your kind words and advice. I assume you mean getting statements over the last 4 years or so of all transactions? from her and our bank accounts?