A Bank Holiday Present From Hell

beanielou

What has happenned to all the money?

Mrs_Potato_Head_2

Im very new to all this and can't really offer practical advice, just support. I can't imagine how much of a shock it all must be at the moment for you. It really is an awful sitution to find yourself in, especially since you didn't create it. Obviously there is a whole bunch of emotional stuff you are going to have to sort out, but that will probably be easier to deal with once you know where you stand financially and you have a plan in place.

Valentino246

moocowone wrote: »

She's lied to you for 7 years, fraudulently taken out loans in your name, ruined your family financially, and now you're giving up everything to protect her?

Well, it's your choice... It might even be 'the right' thing to do, but there are lots of non-financial issues here that need resolving first.

You are so right. However time will tell how this pans out. I cant service the debt on my own but once I can I think it will be over.:(

Valentino246

Its all about trust. I stupidly thought that after 23 yrs of marriage I had total trust in her. How wrong was I. She might be mentaly ill to do this and I hope she seeks help as her future is going to be so bleak without her family and friends. You go out to work and you are assured every day that everything is fine then this.

bugslet

Nothing practical to add, RAS ( as usual) has given some great advice. Please try and take some time to look at all the alternatives on a practical basis and to let all the emotional side of things cool down a little, though that's going to be tough for a long time. I'm guessing that the debt itself is bad enough, but the deceit and the breakdown of trust is a killer.

i hear what you are saying about the Sainsbury's loan, but it's worth half an hour with a solicitor to see what the probable outcome would be if you do go down the route of telling Sainsbury's about the fraud.

Norfolk_Jim

Valentino246 wrote: »

The insovency company has been used by many people here they are Jones Giles and that made me want to speak to them as CCCS outlined their charges to do this would be in excess of £10k too. Its all such a mess.

Just to be clear here - CCCS outlined that Jones Giles charges would be in excess of 10K, or CCCS want 10K in charges?

CCCS is a charity. I didn't think they made charges like that but I have heard of a fee charging debt management compay that also put themselves out with the initials CCCS. You have consulted the charity one, right?

No one else has picked up on this and I might be completely out of date but I thought I'd flag it up in any case for others who are more up to date. At the very least CCCS will give you free advice

pelirocco

Norfolk_Jim wrote: »

Just to be clear here - CCCS outlined that Jones Giles charges would be in excess of 10K, or CCCS want 10K in charges?

CCCS is a charity. I didn't think they made charges like that but I have heard of a fee charging debt management compay that also put themselves out with the initials CCCS. You have consulted the charity one, right?

No one else has picked up on this and I might be completely out of date but I thought I'd flag it up in any case for others who are more up to date. At the very least CCCS will give you free advice

I think he was talking about an IVA , they are never free

Miss_Poohs

So sorry to hear the horrible situation you're in.

Just over 3 yrs ago I discovered my husband had a similar amount of debt, all ran up behind my back.

The only difference being he took it all out in his own name and didn't invoved me in any of it - the end result was similar though, and to say I was gutted was an understatement.

I did think about calling it a day and going it alone with our son, but after many discussions, arguments and tears, he decided to tackle the debt and pay it all back.

I took out a new mortgage and changed the title to my own name - and as we stay in Scotland he signed up to a DAS (kinda like a DMP, with additional benefits).

I guess you need to stop and think what you want at the end of this.

The fraud thing is something else though and however you look at it, not the actions of a reasonable adult.

I'm 3 yrs down the line and hand on heart I can say I still do not and probably never will trust my husband with money, but at least I know what I'm up against now.

Take advice and think all your options through.

Miss P

Alibear

Not something I have experience in but I believe you really need to find out why your wife was doing this: shopping/spending addiction? Depression? Or just pretty awful money management? As someone above said, forging your sig to get a loan (esp one that large) is not 'normal' behaviour. Is she remorseful? And I also agree that you should look into reporting the fraud and she should be the one to suffer the financial consequences if the credit is in her name. Whether she should suffer the emotional consequences, only you can decide, and something you won't be able to judge clearly until you know all the details and reasons behind her actions.

I don't often post on here but I do 'lurk' a lot. There are some very inspirational people; some who seemed in the depths of dispair only to be full of positivity a couple of months later. If you can't see any light at the end of the tunnel I'm sure having a read through the board will help.

Good luck, and keep us updated.

Swans1912

Valentino246 wrote: »

Its all about trust. I stupidly thought that after 23 yrs of marriage I had total trust in her. How wrong was I. She might be mentaly ill to do this and I hope she seeks help as her future is going to be so bleak without her family and friends. You go out to work and you are assured every day that everything is fine then this.

I don't want this to sound mean... your household's finances should have been a join effort and some of your own ignorance has gotten you in to this position.

That said however I really feel for you and wish you luck what ever route you take.

You have one very hard decisions to make... a) your marriage - this will impact your future steps. I don't want to make any suggestions as its a very personal thing BUT make sure you use the FREE helplines and don't PAY for someone to do things you can do.

What the heck has this money been paying? The debt must have started someone... have you been spending too much as a family?

Don't assume time isn't on your side... things can wait weeks... let this settle.