Just need to get things off my chest I think!!

Lostandhopeless

This is the first time I've ever posted on one of these sites, I've been in tears for about an hour now and am stuggling to write this. I'm so angry with myself, it's so unlike me, I'm normally such a strong person, but I'm totally at the end of my teather.

My debt totals about £12000, it all started when I took out a loan to get a car so that I could travel to work. My TV broke so I got a credit card and bought a new TV. I could afford the payments so didn't even think twice about it, it wasn't like I was borrowing money that I couldn't afford to pay back. Eventually I got another loan to combine the credit card and the first loan into one payment.

My partner then lost his job and because I earn too much he wasn't entitled to any benefits so I had to support us both. I was still meeting the payments but would occasionally find myself having to use the credit card to buy food and support us both.

My partner struggled to find work, we lived in a small town, so moved to a city about 25 miles away in the hope that my other half would find it easier to find work. The moving costs went on the credit card because stupidly I thought he'd jump straight into a job, but he didn't!!

I now commute the 25 miles to my job. I've applied for hundreds of jobs, I've had 4 job interviews but no job offers so I have the added stress of commuting and the cost of trying to keep my old banger running.

My partner finally found a job, he was employed for 11 months but slipped a disk in his back and after quite some time off work his boss made his life such hell that he eventually had to give the job up.

I go straight from one job to the next and rarely sleep more than 3 hours at the weekends, I finish one job at 5 in the morning, go home have a shower and then drive 25 miles to my day job!! I'm exhausted.

It's not like I live an extravagant lifestyle, I live in a room in a shared house, I have a !!!! car, most of my clothes are at least 10 years old anything newer is generally something that's been given to me as a present. I eat Tesco ownbrand everything and ususally eat 1 meal a day, sometimes only every other day. There are no savings I can make from anywhere, Everything I could sell on ebay, I have sold. I make maybe £20 a month on my Avon.

My part time job finishes in May and I've just been told that I'm going to be made redundant in September from my full time job.

I just dont know what I'm going to do. I dream of one day being able to have my own home even if it's only rented, I'd like my own space. I'd love to have a family but the dream is becoming more and more distant.

I'm so scared that things are going to spiral out of control I don't know what to do, for so long now I've been like "everthing is going to be ok in the end, I'm not worried, I'm still meeting the payments so everything is fine". Now I'm thinking that perhaps I've burried my head in the sand for far too long that I'm now in such a pickle I'll never get out of it.

Well I feel a bit better now I've got things off my chest and had a vent, I can't really vent to my chap coz he already feels really bad that he's not contributing and I don't want to make him feel any worse. He is trying bless him, he's applyed for so many jobs we've lost count!! He does all of the housework and cooks and cleans so that I don't have to lift a finger when I do have spare time.

Rant over, thanks!! xxx

summerstreetallotments

You've come to the right place I think..sounds as if everything is on your shoulders...you need to consider a D.R.O. as this would release you from some of the debts..although I think these are a side effect of other things...you are not alone, I'm in a similar position...employment is hard at the moment...try to see the loss of the job in May as the chance for a breathing space..others on here will be very supportive...x

Nargleblast

Lostandhopeless, welcome to the forums - yes, things may seem really bad now but do you know what? Things can only get better from here. Your OH might not be contributing anything financially but he is contributing in other ways by doing housework and cooking - and he is trying to find a job, not just sitting there doing nothing. You are both a team and each have your part to play.

If you look at the stickies at the top of the threads list you will see one marked "First Time Posters - SOA calculator". If you click on that and type in all your figures for income and expenditure then post it on here people will be able to suggest ways of cutting your expenditure and/or increasing your income. Then, you can revise the figures taking on board whichever of the suggestions you find practical, and work out how to tackle your debts. If you look at the CCCS website (Consumer Credit Counselling Service) you can get some idea of the best way to do this that fits your circumstances. There are also similar organisations such as Payplan and National Debtline, as well as Citizens Advice Bureaus that can help you sort out your debts. Don't however rush into anything until you have all the facts at your disposal.

You can get out of this mess - might take a few years but you can and will get there. Have courage and keep posting, we are all here for you.

GeorgieFTB

I couldn't agree more with Nargle... you need to get proper help, the posters on here are experts but can't talk you through every eventuality, ok they probably could but sometimes you need to speak/speak to someone.

There is always a solution, some are more pleasant than others, on a scale of filling to root canal, there isn't a quick way out, sorry.

I really think you need to lean on your partner for support, he is contributing, the best he can, not talking to him and treating him like he's not, like he's a child or not on your level is wrong. OK that came out harsher than I wanted it to, I'm not trying to get at you but you need help and support...

Good luck and you can always rant on here!

Gx

fatbelly

Good posts here!

For further info, this is the link for your SoA calculator:

http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

and here is some info on DROs:

Factsheet Debt relief orders

sp1987

Lostandhopeless wrote: »

Now I'm thinking that perhaps I've burried my head in the sand for far too long that I'm now in such a pickle I'll never get out of it.

That is the reaction of someone who will get out of it.

People hit panic mode and realise something needs to be done, then over time find some means of doing it and some of them are on here saying how they do not owe any more money. Like people who are overweight, if they never feel overweight they will never lose any. It is only when someone looks in the mirror and thinks 'this is a health risk' or 'I am fatter than I want to be and need to sort this now' that they can begin to set the ball rolling.

Post your SOA. I'll bet someone here will be able to save you some money, even if a small amount. Plus people will be able to see what can be done.

Do you qualify for working tax credits? If you are living in a shared house and your income is particularly low do you qualify with any help with rent? Just ideas at the moment as I obviously don't know how much you earn (nor do I know the qualification amounts for the above benefits, but this lot probably will, they know everything else). When you lose your part time job your earnings may be low enough to let you qualify, who knows.

Try not to panic just yet as you are lucid, intelligent and able to type. All those things take you a lot of the way to sorting this issue.

sp1987

Plus, how long have you worked at current job (to see if you will be entitled to a redundancy payment)?

Butterfly

Hey L&G, welcome to MSE, you made the right decision to come here.....your story sounds heartwrenching and I really feel for you. I was just under £12k in debt and managed to clear it over a 4 year period, it took real effort but is definitely do-able. Firstly I want to say, please don't feel angry with yourself for getting in to debt in the first place, it has happened to all of us here and is due to lack of financial education which we've all suffered from. When you were getting in to debt, 1. you didn't know what you were doing, 2. you didn't know that it would be such a struggle further down the line. I just want to say that £12k is a manageable amount to pay off, it really could be alot worse so please take comfort in that. I really advise that you put any thought of buying a property and starting a family to the very back of your mind..... these are luxuries for many people these days (including myself!). Your focus needs to be NOW and for you to sort a new job out for yourself. Your role is being made redundant in Sept so you have 4 months. There is a job out there for you and it may actually be better than the one you're in now, have you thought of that? You need to keep your chin up and keep your head down and look for a job every day. Don't just apply for advertised jobs as you may just be wasting your time. Write to employers directly, not just HR departments but CEO's - that's what I did during the recession after I'd applied for hundreds of job ads, and I landed a job by going direct. So it can be done. Hope you don't mind me saying but why are you working two jobs when your partner is working none? Your main issue is having to support your partner as well as yourself and I'm sure he's a lovely person and as you say he's trying his best, but his situation is putting a considerable amount of pressure on you. There seems to be a glaring imbalance there between you too.... I'm sure he loves you but does he really know how much pressure you're feeling? It sounds like you're not being honest with him but I think you have to be now because YOU need HIS support. He really needs to do ANY work at this stage to ease the pressure off you abit whilst you sort yourself out. You are two people, not one, you are not fully responsible for him I hope you know that. Good luck to you sweetheart, be strong, keep the faith, you can do it x