Coming to terms with a disibility

edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Disability Money Matters
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needing-helpneeding-help Forumite
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edited 30 November -1 at 1:00AM in Disability Money Matters
I became disabled pretty much over night and almost a year on I am still struggling to come to terms with it.
I try to do things that I used to do before then get frustrated/angry/upset when I can't. I just can't seem to get my head around it and still keep hoping I will wake up and be fine again

How do you come to terms with it and move on.
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Replies

  • GlasweJenGlasweJen Forumite
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    I didn't want to read and run but not sure what to suggest. Have you ever had any counselling? Some people find it easier to meet others with their condition and there's a lot of support online in terms of forums for specific disabilities/illnesses.
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  • dori2odori2o Forumite
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    I became disabled pretty much over night and almost a year on I am still struggling to come to terms with it.
    I try to do things that I used to do before then get frustrated/angry/upset when I can't. I just can't seem to get my head around it and still keep hoping I will wake up and be fine again

    How do you come to terms with it and move on.
    This is something I have been going through now and have only been able to begin doing so following some counselling sessions I have had.

    Maybe look into some counselling.It doe smake a huse gudderence being ableto speak to someone who knows nothing about you and makes no judgement on you whatsoever.
    [SIZE=-1]To equate judgement and wisdom with occupation is at best . . . insulting.
    [/SIZE]
  • Thank you both for your replies. My doctor suggested counselling but I turned it down, I just don't think it's me really. Maybe I should think again.

    GlasweJen I looked at some forums but I don't really fit in with any of them, My problems don't fit into one catergory if that makes sense.
    x
  • TheEffectTheEffect Forumite
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    People always say to me 'how come you're never angry about your disability?' and my answer is always 'I was born with it and do not know any different and therefore have nothing to be angry about'. I was born with very limited vision and am 20 now and have learnt to accept my disability. I imagine it's a lot harder for someone who became disabled over night. Sure we all have moments where we think 'why me' and get angry, but you've got to look at what you do have in life and be thankful for that, as there is always others who are a lot worse off.

    Talk to your family and friends about your disability. Don't keep it a subject that's frowned upon and 'swept under the carpet'. Your family and friends will give you the encouragement you need to accept and move on. If your feelings persist, talk to your doctor! All the best! :)

  • GlasweJenGlasweJen Forumite
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    I'd try the forum, if you explain how you don't quite fit you'll probably find another lurker who has similar issues. Sometimes it's just nice to talk to people who have an idea of what's happening, you don't feel judged, you don't have to put on the front that you put on for people who aren't affected.

    Ask for the counselling, you wont believe how good it is to have someone there who just listens.
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  • snookeysnookey Forumite
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    I think that when something happens to you it makes you stop and think . Those thoughts are not always postive and you realise that not everything in your life is under your control. If your a person who is used to being independant and doing things by yourself then its a shock when you have to ask for help.
    Trying to find the positives in your life can be hard but can be done. It may sound simple but writing down your feelings can help. I know that by having my breakdown and eventual diagnosies , that its given me time to reflect on my life. I now have more time to spend with my family, thats a positive. Iv less money but even thats not a negative as It means looking at ways of doing things differently. It lead me to this board. Iv met some really nice people through being ill and done things that I would not have otherwise ,again positive.
    Your at the early stage in your journey and by the sound of it still coming to terms with the changes to your life. It will take time and wont be plain sailing but you do come to terms with the life you have now and set about rebuilding it into the best one you can.
  • MupetteMupette Forumite
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    I thought i had come to terms with MS after a dx a year ago, (had it 10 years without really knowing)

    But recently my mood has changed, i now feel anxious and frustrated.
    I have a small group of friends who still treat me as a normal person (which i find brilliant) but they also know i have limits and won't push me unless i tell them to.

    Accepting that an illness has/will/can change your way of life, the way you do things, the restrictions you have.. all takes time.

    I moved in May last year to a new home, has a lovely little garden and i am frustrated that i can't do more, i want to be out in the garden growing things, etc..

    I've spent 2 years at home, all day on my own, I was happy to do this, but now it's not what i want, i need interaction, but scared of interaction too,

    But yesterday i did something different, i was at the hospital and made a detour to the MS Nurse, told her how i felt, ok she didn't have much time for me there and then, but said i need to come back and have a proper session with her, I told her i didnt want to waste her time, when others needed her, she said she was there for everyone,

    I think i have just spent a year wallowing in self pity, and now i want out.
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  • Didnt quite know what to say , mine also kind of happened over night also, I completely understand what you feel, I for one thought my body had had let me down ,I found I became very angry both inwards and outwards,I also fell into deep depression and anxiouty, Although mine is not an outwardly visable disability ( not trying to sound condesending) Im Epileptic.Not saying its any less or anymore important than anyone else , I must admit Ive never said why me?,but just how? Does that make any sense?

    I was offered counciling and that did help alot with both aspects aand talking to other people who have similar either have loved ones or indeed that does help

    Its funny it was not untill this happended to me did I realise how much I took for granted , but it does get better, also finding out more, ie medicines, and a good consultant , forums .

    Some days will be good others not so good, you take as long as you need,(dont put a time limit, or let people influence you) one day it will all slot into place

    I shall pop in to see how your getting on ..HTH
    Don't sweat the small stuff, Its all small stuff.
  • mary-opmary-op Forumite
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    I've been epileptic since the age of 11 so I suppose have come to terms with it -=certainly a lot better than suddenly after Christmas finding I couldn't walk ! That was a real fright.......diagnosis was osteoporisis and the only other person I knew with this was MIL and she's 90 !
    At least now I'm able to walk a bit better round the house with the aid of a frame or sticks but I know life will never be the same again, not for me or my OH and I think I feel more for him than myself. I have some dreadful days when I feel so housebound (don't feel confident enough to have a wheelchair I can use myself). I try to find little things to do and enjoy anything 'crafty' but even then I get fed up doing the same things. I've wondered about 'self help' type groups for similar thing, people I can talk to and ask how they cope with it all but not found anything yet.
    But I try and count my blessings............I've some good friends but sometimes I wish they would understand that just because I can walk about the house a bit it doesn't mean I'm able to walk into town and meet up for lunch...........my legs and back aren''t that good...........(I keep hoping though)

    Sorry..........I've rambled on about mysellf too much here.............what I meant to say to OP was to try and keep positive and concentrate on what you can do, not what you can't.
    (Think I should practice what I preach a bit more)

    Good luck to you all:)
    I would be unstoppable if only I could get started !

    (previously known as mary43)
  • KxMxKxMx Forumite
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    There are a couple of things I would suggest. It makes me feel better alot (although not all) of the time when I know I am doing everything I can to make my life easier. This includes being on top of the medical situation, seeing a Consultant, looking at meds/aids that can help. I also try to find small things I can get enjoyment out of, like favourite websites, renting dvds online which come in the post, and I found new hobby, fanmail, which I love and is very low energy which is great for me, and I look forward to the post everyday :)

    Maybe you could afford a magazine subscription for a special interest etc?
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