brothers not allowed to see his 5 week old !! ADVICE PLEASE

emmaBZ

hi my brother has a 5 week old and and babys mum has just told him hes not allowed to see baby again ...(she blackmails him when she cant get her own way !) he is named on birth certificate as father i just want to know how he goes about getting access rights if she wont play ball ...i know he has parental responsability as hes named on birth cert... but whats his next step as shes using the baby to pi$$ him off :mad: there is no way they will settle this without court so whats he need to do to get ball rolling.....

MatthewN

Id get legal advice on this. Is there a reason for not allowing your brother to see the baby or does she give no reason?

emmaBZ

no she just being a pain in !!!!! in all fairness she 21 i think and is just being stroppy!!! one minute hes allowed to see him then she brings him over .if they argue then thats it hes not allowed to see him again ect ect

Bossyboots

He can make an application for a contact order either through the family section of the local magistrates court or his local county court. All the forms are available to download on the court service website if he wants to do it himself, otherwise he needs to instruct a solicitor who will initially write to her asking her to be reasonable and reach an agreement.

Mediation is also the preferred route and the solicitor should be able to point him in that direction.

However, if he can't afford a solicitor and doesn't qualify for legal aid he will have to do it himself. The forms are not difficult to complete and while court staff can't help with legal advice, they can help in the mechanics of completing the forms.

hobo28

Bossy's right.

I'd add that maybe give it some time for the dust to settle. Maybe she needs some time to adjust and hopefully realise the baby is better with two caring parents. Maybe for now try the persistent but subtle approach.

Court is a blunt instrument and should only be used as a total last resort.

inkie

I would also be tempted to advise the child mother that she is using the child as a pawn in a sick game, and this therefore is not reflective of being a mother with the childs best interest at heart - and if it continued that these concerns would have to be shared with the 'powers that be'. If she has any sense that that should give her the quick kick up the jacksy it sound like she needs!

hobo28

inkie wrote:

I would also be tempted to advise the child mother that she is using the child as a pawn in a sick game, and this therefore is not reflective of being a mother with the childs best interest at heart - and if it continued that these concerns would have to be shared with the 'powers that be'. If she has any sense that that should give her the quick kick up the jacksy it sound like she needs!

No it wouldn't. It would in all likelihood make her dig her heels in. The father is on the backfoot here and needs to tread carefully. She holds the stronger hand at the moment and he needs to play smart and pick his battles carefully.

RibenaBerry_2

I agree with Hobo. He should pick his battles. I might be tempted to go with the 'we both love him to bits. I know we don't always get on, but I'd really like to try and make this work so that he gets the best of both of us' approach. If she's only 21, she'll probably want nights out, etc. Once the dust has settled from the birth, free babysitting might get more appealing! If he goes to court straight away, even if he gets granted access, she can be a pain (not in when he arrives, etc, etc)

madison's_mum

is there anyone who could act as intermediary (? spelling) ie she drops the baby off & he picks it up so they don't meet & therefore argue? Plus if she's on her own with a 5 week old she is probably still figuring out what the hell she's doing (i was & i had a partner!!) Like Ribenaberry says she'll probably want to go out etc & is just doing this to get a reaction from your bro cos she knows it'll hurt him. The phrase cutting off your nose to spite your face does spring to mind!

elljay20

i LOATHE women that use their children to get at their ex'es, the idiots neither know or care that the person they are actually hurting the most is their child by depriving them of their right to a father. He needs to get legal advice as i think being named on the bc gives him the same rights as her- though not 100% but this caught my eye, if you're brother would be a good dad - then the very best of luck to him

Crazychik

elljay20 wrote:

i LOATHE women that use their children to get at their ex'es, the idiots neither know or care that the person they are actually hurting the most is their child by depriving them of their right to a father. He needs to get legal advice as i think being named on the bc gives him the same rights as her- though not 100% but this caught my eye, if you're brother would be a good dad - then the very best of luck to him

What about MEN who use children to get to their ex's !! Its not just women who do this

I have full parental responsibility of my 2 children, and no matter what I do, their needs always come first, Im sorry, But the last 3yrs has been difficult. My ex winds me up constantly, says he'll have the kids 1 min - then change his mind and wont have them.
We have an arrangement he fetches the kids every friday from school - returns 8.30pm, and the kids stay every other wk end, for 1 night. If the kids tell "daddy" mummy is going out - or mummy is doing this - he will come out with an excuse not to have the kids - to mess up "my" time.
Dont get me wrong - I dont go out drinking or clubbing, when I refer to my time, its either 4 a meal with my OH or walking the dog, or just simply shopping without the hassle of the children there. Or housework.
I remember once, myself and OH was gardening this summer, and cos my ex drove past and saw us - I received a text and said "your'e rubbing my nose in and cos of that Im bringing the kids back!" All we was doing was cutting the grass!
The relationship broke down after 10yrs - seperarted- I moved on - he hasn't, and cos he hasn't Im suffering.
Im happy for him to see the kids as often as he can, but I wont accept him messing with their heads. Saying he will have them, and then he doesn't.

We are not all perfect - and its not just the women who are to blame.