Helping people out

searcher30

when you help out people and it always seems to be one way (basically you are always helping them) but this is not returned in any way then most people stop helping them in the future. Does anyone have any experience of this and how do they handle the situation rather than lose the friendship? thanks in advance

alwaysonthego_2

I can remember years ago when my friends who were a couple (now married) were struggling to eat so I gave them food lent them small amounts of money even though I was on a low wage myself but when I went through a hard time myself they were not there for me. My bf of the time decided to treat me like rubbish and I spent xmas day on my own while he !!!!!!ed off to his ex gf.

I am still friends with this couple but I think if they needed me again I would help them. Maybe you have to be a better person for it

Katyag

Ive always done my best to help people out, when my friend and her long term bf split up i took to her to my flat asap (she still stayed at home then), we drank and spoke, she cried, i hugged her etc but when my husband and i split up in July of this year she was no where to be seen! In fact none of my friends were! Well one friend i made online was, we would talk via msn for hours and that did help. But the friends ive known since school were no where to be seen, except my closest male friend.

Its shown me that these other people dont really care and i wont run to them when they need help next time. DH and i are now back together and we are having another baby, i bet when these 'friends' find out about the baby they will be all over us again!

You really do find out who your friends are when you are struggling.

mrs_mix

I had a good friend and we would do favours for each other mainly babysitting picking each others kids up ect but when my car broke down and I could'nt afford to get another right away she disappeared and wouldn't do anything to help even when I had to get to the hospital asap I had no contact with her for over a year and then she called me out iof the blue saying she had hurt her back and expected me to drop everything to go running after her needless to say I told her I wasn't going to be used and find herself another mug to run around behind her

victory

I had a friend with 2 kids, H left her. I 'took her in' ,fed her kids, babysat while she went out 'to get over it', listened to her, months of recovery followed with endless hours of crying, sadness and 100% help from me.
In one of the lengthy conversations I revealed a secret to her.
No one else knew it, never told a sole about it before, my friend repaid my help by telling her friends.
Still to this day I feel sick with the betrayal and ask why? I was unable to hold my head up as knew I was the topic of conversation thanks to her.
Nearly lost my H over it as he was flabbergasted that I could tell her or anyone such deep secrets.
Why did she do that? Why I ask often!
It has had a long term affect as now I 'sit and watch from the side lines' before I will commit to a friendship, took ages to trust either man or woman again, it had a bad effect and would never 'give' so much of me again to anyone. xxx

Angel777

I will also try and always be helpful to people, something i have learnt from my parents. However, i often see this exact thing happen to them, they bend over backwards to help family members out and when and if they need anything people just seem to conveniently disappear! It makes me feel so annoyed.
Also once i had gone over to my friends house to discover she had no milk/ bread etc as she was waitning to get paid the next day or day after. However she often spent money on designer clothes/shoes which she could not afford, anyway i went to the supermarket that night got the basics, milk, bread eggs, cheese etc about £15 and took it round.
When i needed her to be there just as a friend earlier this year she just ignored me, we are no longer friends which was due to many other things. I know that when i helped her on more than a few occassions, i dont expect her to 'pay me back' or anything but i do expect friends to 'be there' for each other.
I guess it happens a lot but thats life. It certainly won't stop me helping people in the future.

djdido2

i have this problem within my family. it can be a struggle when you wake up and realise that some people can take advantage of your good nature.

my parents went to oz to see my big sister for 8 weeks. i moved into their house with my two kids to look after my two neices (they live with my parents, long story!) i thought it would be hard with my two and two girly teens but it was really easy and i enjoyed doing it.

however i am a single mum running my own business and to get them to have ds or dd for an hour, forget it. they use excuse after excuse. yet i am the one running my mum, dad, neices etc to docs, dental appts.

my problem is i find it hard to say no. others would say i do things to please but i think its because i try to be a nice person!!