Just been told my maintenence will stop...

melt71

My ex husband has told me that he has been made redundant (again) and will therefore be stopping his maintenence payments for our daughter until 'further notice'

I have just mortgaged myself up to the hilt by him out of our ex marital home, so that me and my daughter will not be homeless (as I can't afford anywhere else to rent in the area). We have been seperated for 6 years and the divorce finally came through 1 year ago - the court order that ordered him to pay set monthly maintenence runs out today!

He got a £30K payout from me for his equity in the house and this only went through approx 6 months ago and yet he is saying he wont be able to pay me as from Dec (it's too late to stop his payment for Nov luckily).

I work the maximum amount of hours that I can whilst my daughter is at school plus I get a small amount of tax credits each month. I can't increase my income with a second job from home or I will lose the equivalent off my tax credits. The amount I earn just about covers my bills, food and petrol. I never buy any luxuries, I already shop at lidl and cook from scratch. I will have absolutely nothing left over for my daughters birthday and I haven't even begun to worry about Christmas yet!

I honestly don't know what to do, I've been through hell and back to raise the mortgage to buy the house off him so that I can finally get some security for me and my daughter and now this happens, 6 years of hell and £7000 to solicitors and on mortgage fees and it seems he can still control my life.

To add insult to injury on the same day that he tells me this bombshell, he dropped my daughter off in his partner's brand new car!! The bloody cheek.

Does anybody have any ideas of how I can get through the next few months without going into debt?

mrs_deadline

What an absolutely maddening situation to end up in - I'm practically gnashing my teeth just thinking about it. Especially, what the heck's he got planned for the 30 grand that takes priority over supporting his own child?!? Ahem...

Well, as he unfortunately won't be working and can't afford to help out financially, no doubt he'll be happy to be a good dad in other ways, e.g. taking on an EQUAL share of childcare responsibilities 'until further notice'? Then at least you wouldn't be limited to working school hours and it could be your best opportunity of landing the better-paying job you really need for the long term. Or even just for the next couple of months (lots of seasonal work to be had this time of year, shops, post office, etc.)

elisebutt65

Can't CSA do anything - esp as he's got a 30G lump sum he's obviously just sitting on???

My Ex hasn't worked in over a year as he's disabled and says it's cheaper for him to sit at home on his a*se than pay out for his son!!

sarahlouise210

Plus....did he get redundancy pay ????

Prudent

Poor you - I can really hear your frustration. You need to make an application to the csa immediately. It takes them time to process it and he maybe back in work by then. They have to write out to the non resident parent within 28 days (which they invariably don't), and your claim because active from that date, so all money can be back dated. If they do not write out to him you will be able to claim compensation from them to cover lost child support (I have a three piece suite bought from my compensation money!).

You will be entitled to 15% of his net income for one child. This will be reduced if there are other children in the household. Savings generate income, so put in a covering note with your claim. Even if he is on unemployment benefit he will have to pay £5 per week. Not a lot, but will pay for a bit of your shopping.

Consider asking your mortgage company for a paymnet holiday or reduced paymnets until this is resolved.
I need to go to work now, but will add anything later that I can think of. I have been in really difficult circumstances as a single parent and come out the other end in good financial shape, so want to encourage you. Don't let him control your life because you loose your own joy in life. It will only be bleak for a time.

Good luck.

melt71

Ok, i'll reply to each question as I go along;

No he didn't get any redundency this time as he's only been there since July(!). He seems to always take high risk sales jobs - gets a great new car and all the other perks and then gets made redundent quickly. He has had previous redundency money but he's apparently spent it all.

I believe that all of his saving are in his partners name - his financial adviser used to advise this as it avoids paying tax at a higher rate if she earns less (he used to do it with me). This came to light when we did our financial disclosures for the court documents - I told them everything including what colour underwear I was wearing and he 'forgot' to mention about his 2nd bank account and his pensions. I had to remind him via the solicitor that I was aware of the savings account and the pensions!! Did I mention that he is a compulsive liar?

I would rather avoid going through the CSA if at all possible as my friend has been going through them for 6 years and has hardly had any maintenece at all for her little boy.

Plus, what is the point if the savings are in his partners name? They are not married and therefore the CSA won't deduct any money from her will they?

He has my daughter every other weekend for 2 nights plus for 2 weeks in the summer holidays - I take time off for all the other holidays or take my daughter into work with me.
He also has a daughter with his new partner, she is now 3.

Regarding childcare, I have given up a long time ago getting him to take 'equal' responsibility for childcare either during a working week or during the school holidays. The lions share falls to me and to be honest, I am perfectly happy to do it, I love spending time with my daughter and don't want to have to rely on him for anything (except the maintenece payments that are due to me).

My mortgage is a self cert 'special' mortgage, it is not from a standard high street building society. As it was a fixed rate for 2 years I doubt very much that they will give me a mortgage holiday, but I can ask the question.

With regards to working longer hours, I already work 30 hours a week and it's quite stressful as it is juggling this, the responsibilities for my daughter and everything in the home. I really don't want to change jobs as I work just around the corner and can therefore maximise my hours by starting at 9 and finishing 2 minutes before my daughter comes out of school. The money is also very good compared to other office based jobs here (Dorset).

I felt mad about this at first and obviously worried about how I would cope, but now I just feel sad that my daughter's father who claims to love her so much is such a waste of space What a nobber.

Lady_S

melt71 wrote:

No he didn't get any redundency this time as he's only been there since July(!). He seems to always take high risk sales jobs - gets a great new car and all the other perks and then gets made redundent quickly. He has had previous redundency money but he's apparently spent it all.

Didn't this alert you to something though? surely if he has a history of doing this then it was going to constantly happen?

melt71

Lady_S wrote:

Didn't this alert you to something though? surely if he has a history of doing this then it was going to constantly happen?

Meaning what? I shouldn't have bought the house? If I rented I would have been paying over £120 per month MORE for a smaller property and I would still have all of the same bills to pay. I didn't even have the option of moving back up north as the house prices up there have sky rocketed!

I don't really understand what you are saying to me - I have cut back on pretty much everything to keep a roof over our head. What else could I have done?

I mentioned the maintenance to the solicitor and she said that I could go through the CSA to ensure that I get it once the court order runs out. It was only after speaking to my friend about the CSA did I realise just how inept they are.

melt71

Also, although he has been a complete slimeball to me with regards to the divorce and all the lies he tells - he has NEVER done anything that would make me suspect that he would suddenly stop his maintenance payments for our daughter. I believe that he does love her. Only problem is he is extremely selfish and doesn't think how his actions affect people, including our daughter.

Lady_S

Never mean't anything nasty, just if he is someone prone to being made redundant as you say I personally couldn't have put myself in a position where I relied on his payments knowing that if he was made redundant they would stop.

melt71

Lady_S wrote:

Never mean't anything nasty, just if he is someone prone to being made redundant as you say I personally couldn't have put myself in a position where I relied on his payments knowing that if he was made redundant they would stop.

I realise that you didn't mean it in a nasty way, but I haven't really 'put' myself in this position - I was in this position as soon as we split up really. My income, although quite good for the area, just about covers my outgoings. As I say, I bought the house off him at a reduced rate (because of my share of the equity). This means that I now pay less each month than I would have done if we had moved into a 1 bedroom flat! The money that I would have got from the house sale would have run out within a couple of years as I would have had to have used it to cover my increased bills/rent and once it ran out I would REALLY have been stuck.

He has been made redundant 3 or 4 times in the last 4 years I think, he quite often doesn't tell me - however, he also changes his job frequently for 'better' jobs. I only know this when he turns up in a posh company car!