My Mum's a financial disaster.

Janey51

I have just posted about my Mum on the DFW board and it was suggested I ask a question on here.

Briefly, my elderly mother has been "persuaded" to part with £500 by my BIL so he and my sister can go on holiday. Not a lot I can do about it as my sister is severely depressed and it would probably tip her over the edge if I told her. BIL is a lying, cheating b****** who has pulled the wool over her eyes for years. I am quite frightened of him I admit but I ccould quite happily hire a hit man. Would first have to count the contents of my £2 jar:rolleyes:

Also, Mum is hopeless with money and it has taken me 2 years to get her straightish.

Someone on DFW suggested Power of Attorney but I believe this is difficult in Scotland. Does anyone know?
I have persuaded Mum to open a joint savings account with me that needs both signatures so that BIL can't get his mitts on any more. She doesn't have much money (about £3000) but its hers and I don't see why he should be dipping into her bank account.

looneyleo

What a cheeky horrible man! I think you are right in going down the joint account line with your mum. At least then you have some control. Hopefully she will agree. Sorry don't know anything about Power of Attorney but hope you can get this sorted. I'm sure your sister would be very un-happy if she knew the real truth so you need to stop the ball rolling before it gets any worse and there is nothing left of her £3000.00.

Maranatha

Power of Attorney in Scotland is designed for people who can't manage their financial affairs and other matters relating to their well being. Obviously it's based on an individuals capacity to make these decisions themselves. You would need others, like medical professionals to agree with you and it would be helpful if your mother was in agreement too, but in the advanced stages of some mental illness, this may not be possible. In the most part it is done via a Solicitor, which is right and proper. There are those who would abuse these rights if you could get it granted nilly willy. On an informal front, you seems to have made all the right moves to keep your mothers money from the evil BIL. There comes a point when your going to have to stand up to him and ignore the possibility of it pushing your sister over the top. Have you considered she might be like that because of him and his controlling ways? People sometimes have more inner strength than you can imagine. If you always act, aware of the possibility things may upset your sister, you will never get anywhere. He is literally banking on it!

patchwork_cat

I do feel for you, but your mum gave him the money and maybe if your sister is depressed the holiday will be good for her.

ailuro2

Next 'loan' get some paperwork drawn up, and a direct debit organised from his bank account to your mum's.

Make it clear if he defaults that he will get no more money, or what they get you will take an equal amount!!

At least then you can hide it away out of his greedy mitts for when your mum needs something and he's left her skint.

:mad: sounds like a right nasty piece of work.:mad:

Lady_E

patchwork_cat wrote:

I do feel for you, but your mum gave him the money and maybe if your sister is depressed the holiday will be good for her.

Only reading between the lines but I am guessing Op is suggesting there is no such holiday . Forgive me ,if I am wrong OP .

ttoli

Have much the same with an aunt in the UK, she has been forced to downsize her home,3 times now because her SONS have bled her dry, one is a bank manager with 3 houses (1m+), when i visit, She says, well they are my children and i cant take it with me!, i offer a flight ticket over to see me, she wont accept charity but cant this year because her dear little S**t of a grandson has written his car off again(Yep, Drunk) and he needs money for taxis. sorry rant over and my nephews wonder why i dont talk to them!!!

Chrismojam

My sis and I are now joint power of attorney for my mum......mainly because she just cannot manage her financial affairs at all....she has mental health problems and just has no understanding of anything other than having cash for cigarettes and a drink...paying bills, eating properly and looking after herself/finances don't come into it....

The bonus is....it has put the blockers on my brother 'borrowing' any more money off her.....he must of had in excess of £3k off her over the years......'Mum I need to borrow £600 to fix the car so that I can come and visit you..blah blah'....that's happened at least 3 times that I know of and the visits never did:mad:

And BOY does he hate the fact that we are POA!!......he had the opportunity to object...although he would have had to give a valid/acceptable reason....which he couldn't....

Fact is...me and sis are both accountants...and as such keep records for everything as a matter of course anyway.......and of course take our role as POA seriously........we keep records/receipts etc and expect others to aswell...well bro just thinks we are having a go and don't trust him...can't think were he gets THAT idea!!

Now he has accused US of ripping our mother off and taking her for a ride:eek:

If it's not too complicated to do and your mum agrees...I think it would be the best thing to do.....sadly, some people just see relatives like this as cash cows...their own little savings account that they can dip into..and never pay back.......the same people will be expecting a pay out when the inevitable happens (and ignoring the money they have already ripped off)...sorry to end on a negative....but I'm going from personal experience...

hobo28

Although I can understand why you are upset. In your shoes I'd be livid too. However, the facts are that your mother is elderly but is still able to manage her own financial affairs.

If BIL manages to persuade her to give him £500 then ultimately your mum agreed. Its their business. Unless of course she felt threatened in anyway.

I think the idea of a joint account isn't a bad one but has a big flaw. What if tomorrow she turns around and says she's decided to lend him another £500 to buy a car and needs your signature? Is it really down to you to say no? Its not your money. Is it up to you to decide how she spends her savings?

Janey51

Thanks for all your thoughts on this problem which I have taken on board.
I don't want to control Mum at all, just protect her from herself (and BIL) She has £500 a month "pocket money" which is pretty good as its just for food and frittering! The only reason I have asked her to open a joint account with me is so that BIL will know that I know what has been going on if he tries again.
If Mum asked me to get her money out I would. She is quite frightened of BIL as he is so manipulative.There is a lot of background to this story and I have been bailing Mum out for ages. My sister is unaware of most of it..she suffers badly from depression which BIL plays on. I did spend a lot bailing her out at one time but she's my sister and I love her.:D