How do thrify ways affect childrens attitude to money?

warez22

Hi there,

I have 2 young children, one aged 5 and one aged 9. We dont have much money and have some debt but are slowly but surely paying it off. This is mainly due to some pretty harsh cost cutting.

I am proud of the way the debt is coming down, but a comment made by my father in law has made me think.

I have a brother in law who has 3 young children, much the same age as ours. He is in a much better position financially and my father in law made the comment that 'his kids pretty much get what they want'. This comment was made in the same conversation as saying that he worried about me and the kids.

My BIL gives his kids PS3s, Nintendos, WII etc etc.

My kids, if they want something like that have to ask for money for their birthdays, club it together, and then get a secondhand whatever it is.

Now, my question is, are my kids suffering in any way because they dont get these things and dont get many treats?

We eat all homemade cooking, make jam, forage for food, do homemake baking for treats, etc etc.

We go on holiday occasionally through the sun vouchers. We are going to London this weekend coming for a birthday treat to see the Lion King, but that will be all she will get, everyone is contributing.

They know that they have to ask whether we have got food in the cupboard before they ask for it.

Do you think my kids will grow up learning the value of money, or feel deprived that they didnt get all the things that they wanted, like my BIL's kids?

I like to think the former, but would like other peoples opinions on it.

Thanks.

hot.chick

I think you are showing them that if you want something you have to work for it, not that expensive items are handed to you on a plate coz you want them.

Thats my opinion for what it's worth....

the real world doesn't just give you things coz you want them - unless you card everything, and we all know where that gets you eventually..... HERE!!

lol...

surley it's part of a prents job to teach children things that will serve them in life as well as give them love and all that goes with it, being a good parnt isn't about how many expensive toys you can buy them???

(as I said my opinion - I don't have children, so it's not something I know much about - but I was one once, and I wasn't just brought every toy I wanted, we saved and I didn't feel deprived, I know the value of money and have always been a saver and have always been able to manage my finances)

Mojisola

warez22 wrote: »

Do you think my kids will grow up learning the value of money, or feel deprived that they didnt get all the things that they wanted, like my BIL's kids?.

It depends on their personalities. The people I know who had a very difficult financial time as children have reacted different ways - one spends money like water because he feels he missed out on so much as a child that he wants everything now; a couple of others realise that they appreciated what they did have as children, whereas other children had no concept of the value of anything, and they still budget carefully.

All we can do when bringing up our children is work within our means. If you don't have the money to spend out on them, you can't do it.

warez22

My oldest daughter, bless her, is quite proud of the fact that mummy makes everything and is aware of things like additives, etc.

BIL's kids live on chicken tonight and crisps and chocolate bars.

So hopefully that is where I am excelling (I hope). Hard to not let the green eyed monster not get hold of you though when they are trotting off to Japan or wherever.

Funny thing is when I was young I had everything I wanted and it took me a long time to get out of the mentality that you have to have everything NOW. Otherwise, obviously, I wouldnt be in debt!

Rainey_LB

I think you are teaching them the value of money.

Mine have to wait for Xmas/birthdays and sometimes save up themselves for things they want (they are 8 & 6). My 8 year old is now very aware of the value of money, how you have to work for it.

There is nothing wrong with home cooked food, in fact it is probably much better for you, mine love to make cakes etc. I also think its good manners that they ask before they take things from the cupboards, we do have an open fruit bowl though.

The thing is as well, there is always something else they will want, where do you stop? So you stretch yourself to get the PS3, Wii, DS.....then they want the 42" TV Jack's got down the road etc.

hot.chick

it's funny Hubby is one of the had mostly everything he wanted as a child and it guenuinly upsets him when I tell him I didn't go on holidays as a child, he had at least 2 overseas holidays per year...

since we have been together he is now credit card free for the first time since he was old enough to have one,......lol... I tell people I have fixed him... he's now intent on paying off the mortgage

no one taught him the value of money or how to budget etc...

he gets it now - but he's nearly 40, and if I hadn't shown him that there was a different option to carding everything he would still be doing it....

meals, shopping, petrol, it would all go on the card and minumim payments made....

I'll always remember my mum making lists for her weekly budget, £30 bills, £25 food etc..... I knew about budgeting for a very early age.

As for how your children will react to this in later life I can only go by my own exp as explained in the above...

LilacPixie

I think it depends. I had a very different upbringing to OH. My parents very comfortable, large home and we wanted for nothing within reason but pocket money had to be 'earned' by doing chores, andthen that birthday/christmas money had to be half saved with the remaining half we could then spend if we wanted. If we wanted something myparents considered non essential like tapes, game boy games, or something bigger like a cd player outwith christmas we had to use our half of spends money not savings, savings were for important things not tapes, cd's or games. By 22 I used my savings as a house deposit

OH on the other had had very little, zero money about ( funnily enough lots for his fathers 'hobbies') christmas and birthday were low on ground present wise, he never had a party so any money he did get he spent on what I would term to be rubbish. He hit 18, went to university access to lots of credit and OMG did he go wild. He is now 27 and still has over 20k left despite me paying the vast majority of costs to leave him more cash to clear his debt.

I think you need to strike a balance between having lots and the value of money. I am aiming to follow my parents lead in nice clothes, nice holidays, but not 100% everything the kids want so they learn value of money.

heretolearn_2

The more they get handed to them on a plate, the less they appreciate it, and the less pleasure they get from what they have. Everything your kids have will be treasured by them, everything those kids have will get boring quickly as they are always thinking of the next thing. Your kids actually get more fun and enjoyment out of stuff, so they are certainly not 'hard done by'.

You are also helping them see that you have to work for what you want, it isn't dropped into your lap by a magic fairy.

It sounds as though your kids also get plenty of special treats and trips as special memories to treasure. You aren't exactly keeping them on bread and water or being mean with money just for the sake of it! I think you've got the balance just right.

spaghetti_monster

During my childhood money was very tight and Mum was very organised with budgeting and everything. Now, later in life I think those early lessons/attitudes are deeply ingrained and I now live in a OS/MSE way.

But actually when I went to university I almost immediately got into debt and spent more than 10 years crawling my way out. One of the main reasons was that although I saw Mum budgeting and getting by in a family context and learning the value of things, I wasn't so prepared to deal with the long term planning when you get a big lump sum (student loan, grant) and then dealing with cheque books/credit cards/overdraft limits etc etc. Also I was not living in a family context - I was a student and then young free and single and focussed on my career - many of the situations and issues around money were not familiar from childhood.

Anyway, I will be bringing up my child in the OS/MSE way (expecting my first). I think then that children do then need a bit more education later to prepare them for dealing with all the issues surrounding money when they're older.

And I agree with you warez22 - your BIL sounds materialistic and that's not the way I'd want to bring up my child.

spaghetti_monster

During my childhood money was very tight and Mum was very organised with budgeting and everything. Now, later in life I think those early lessons/attitudes are deeply ingrained and I now live in a OS/MSE way.

But actually when I went to university I almost immediately got into debt and spent more than 10 years crawling my way out. One of the main reasons was that although I saw Mum budgeting and getting by in a family context and learning the value of things, I wasn't so prepared to deal with the long term planning when you get a big lump sum (student loan, grant) and then dealing with cheque books/credit cards/overdraft limits etc etc. Also I was not living in a family context - I was a student and then young free and single and focussed on my career - many of the situations and issues around money were not familiar from childhood.

Anyway, I will be bringing up my child in the OS/MSE way (expecting my first). I think then that children do then need a bit more education later to prepare them for dealing with all the issues surrounding money when they're older.

And I agree with you warez22 - your BIL sounds materialistic and that's not the way I'd want to bring up my child.

hot.chick

I have a friend in her late 30'd who always had everything given to her, cars, holidays, credit cards paid, even some of her household bills....

She actually said to me once 'well if they stopped bailing me out maybe I'd have to actually sort myself out'

I guess she just never saw the need coz the bank of mummy and daddy never closed it's doors to her,..

it used to make me a little bit jealouse, but now I'm proud to have worked and earnt everything I have, and no one can take it away from me... her parents feel they can interfreer in her life a bit because they are so invoved in it finacially...

each to their own I guess..