Working Away

inkie

Anyone willing to share the advantages/diasadvantages/considerations etc of their OH working away.

Our situation is this: I work as a minister, we move around every so often. OH who has a v. responsible job which he loves may not be able to get another job when my appointment changes in the future. We do not know exactly where this will be, but if it is not within travelling distance of his job, then there are issues that need to be worked through. This may mean myself and our DDs moving to my next apt - with the potential of him staying behind - and seeing us at w/e 's. Is anyone willing to share their experience. We have spoken about this, and feel that it will not be overly detrimental - just wondering how it has worked for others.
TIA Inkie

ooobedoo

My dh is in the RN and I only see him at weekends, for us it's working out ok. People are so different

gingin_2

We are in a very different life situation to you but my OH has a long commute so stays in London 2 nights a week and is away for a week at a time on business 1 in every 4 weeks on average. He also is unable to see/have quality time with the children during the evenings as he doesn't get home until 8pm and leaves at 7am.

Our children are 6 and 2, I am not sure of the ages of yours but I do see it as having a very detrimental effect on the relationship between my husband and the children. My 2 year old really isn't very close to him, my six year old craves his attention at the weekend which is often hard to get. I can also feel the resentment starting to build up inside me as I am effectively a single parent during the week (and I could argue at the weekend too), I have an extremely strong bond with the children but I now find it hard to let him take control when he is at home because the children are so used to doing it "my way" which again causes problems. There is no way I can continue going on like this.

Good Luck with your decisions.

TheWhiteRabbit

personally i think it would depend on you guys, of course you want to make it work, so it will. posible disadvantage i can think of is that there might be a lot of travelling involved tarvelling time and costs... but if you and DDs have limited time with him on weekends only, you might get closer and appreciate each other even more.
Would he be resentful if he had to give up a job that he loves and not being able to find the same if he moved with you?

inkie

I think that that may be an issue WR, and so this may be the workable solution. The travelling should not be an issue really as it would have to be within reasonable travelling time anyway, and we are not a couple that live in each others pockets - i feel that it could improve our time together. DDs are 7 & 10 (and so would be 9 & 12 in a coupleof years when this would potentially happen.)

Poppy9

I've only been in this position once for 4 months when OH was on a specialist training course. He came home Friday afternoon and returned Sunday evening. TBH after the novelty wore off of not having to do his cooking, washing etc. I hated it. I felt like a single parent and iit was difficult for me managing my own p/time job especially when DD was sick. No fun being up all night for 3 nights on the trot and still having to function during the day. If OH had been home we would have shared the lack of sleep!!

Is it not possible for you to refuse to move with your job if necessary?

inkie

We agree to be moved to where we are needed - i am hopeful that this will be somewhere local where DH can stay in his job - but just planning for a worse-case scenario.

Poppy9

inkie wrote:

We agree to be moved to where we are needed .

But surely the church wouldn't be insensitive to the needs of their ministers?

My BIL is a priest in High Church of England. He has moved about a bit but not too far if it impacts on his wife's job. He just says he can't move that distance.

inkie

We go through a consultation process which takes into account things like children's schooling, dependant elderly relatives etc....the fact that some of us are married to people in secular employment is a relatively new concept within our church (previously both partners in a marriage had to be ministers), and so it will be interesting to see how it works out!;)

Dora_the_Explorer_5

Just a different take on this: the currency of love is time.

feelinggood_2

We've agreed to only work away with OH while we don't have kids and whilst I don't need to work. He takes contracts anything from 10 days to 10 years, so we never know if we are coming or going. We've done the not seeing each other during the week - lasted all of a week before he change to a 200 mile a day commute.
I know alot of contractors and thier wives - some find it not a problem to be apart, others do. Its very personal and I think the only way to tell is to try it.