Moan about family

moneysaver12

Im fed up with my brother's attitude towards me and my dh. I am currently pregnant and will be going back to university for my second year later this year. My dh works full time. My brother seems to be under the impression because my husband works full tiime and is earning what you would class as a decent salary that we are rich. This is not the case, we like most people have rent, council tax, food, bills to pay. Whereas my brother who has two children does not work, his fiance does work part time. They live with my dad so have no rent or council tax to pay, no childcare to pay for. My brother is what you would call lazy, he is suppose to be my dads carer therefore gets carers allowance, i think that it is more his fiance that does things for my dad, my brother admits that if he can get out of doing things like housework he will. He complains about looking after his own children when his fiance is at work.


For example i am learning to drive and he said to me that i would be better off doing a course of lessons where you learn over a few weeks, as thats what he did, my mum paid for this when he was younger. I said i can't afford to pay out hundereds of pounds up front like that, he said oh your dh can pay for it, he is a high earner. My dh can't afford it either, especially with a baby on the way. Another one was when we were looking for a pushchair for our baby, we were talking about what ones we liked and my brother again said oh you can't afford it, he says it through like money is no object to us, when we can't just go out and spend money here there and everwhere. We actually got our pushchair second hand to save money. My brother seems to be able to go out and spend £450 on pgymy (sp) goats. Yet my brother makes out how poor he is. It was my mum that bought nieces school shoes, is going to buy oldest niece a new bed so younger niece can have older nieces cotbed as younger niece is still having to sleep in a cot.

Another example is as im fed up of him making comments i mentioned to him that i wouldn't be getting any help from student fiance towards childcare costs and that we would be paying a lot of money ou each week, he stands there with a grin on his face saying you can afford it, when actually if i wasn't getting my student grant/loan and a bit of childcare tax credits towards it then it would take nearly half of my dh wage and we would struggle to pay rent, council tax etc. We know that it is my choice to go to university and pay the child care costs and its up to us to pay. We don't have a problem with that as it is our responsabilty to support our child. I am trying to get my degree so i can have a career and earn a wage.

I went to my dads house yesterday to give him his birthday present and my dad said that my brother had said he would look after our baby for £150.00 a week, my brothers fiance said that my brother had actually said that he wouldn't mind getting £150.00 for doing nothing. I don't understand why my brother says these things. The nursery that we will be sending our baby to will be looking after our baby, it is certainly not a case of paying them for doing nothing. My brother says re nursery fees you will be ok, yeah we will be ok because we will cut back on other things.

I wouldn't get my brother to look after our baby, i would trust his fiance with our baby. His fiance has offered to help look after our baby when im at uni when she is not working, but i wouldn't expect her to do this, especially at its four full days and we feel that baby will be better off at nursery. What makes the comments worse is that for over four years now i and then me and my dh have been looking up untill a couple of months ago their children one day every weekend. It has gone down to every other weekend now with getting closer to giving birth. We never would dream of asking to be paid for this, also we feed our nieces, take them out etc and we don't ask them for money and they don't give us money.

My brother doesn't even go out to work and support his own children. My dad helps him out with things such as paying off his credit card, same as my sister who does work, when she needs some new glasses or needs money she goes running to my dad, only time he really sees her is when she wants something. Usually she goes to my mum too who either says she will go halfs if my dad pays rest or ask your dad for money. My dad is not wealthy he is on disablity benefits. I don't understand why my brother and sister can't stand on their own two feet when they are adults, why they expect other people to bail them out financally.

Sorry for the moan just fed up of the comments. I really don't understand my family at times.

Plans_all_plans

Hi, fair enough your brother sounds a bit of an idiot with his comments and general attitude, but at the end of the day what he's saying isn't really anything to get wound up over really. You can either deal with it in 3 ways:

1) Ignore him
2) Tell him you're sick of his comments and to shut up
3) Make out you're minted to him, as he already seems to think that anyway

jackieglasgow

I remember your other thread very well, and how upset you were about them kicking off because of your not being able to take the nieces so often. You need to stop letting him get to you, or else it will drive you nuts. What he does is his business, as is yours, yours. Don't listen to his comments, or else everytime he says something, say something in your head which will drown it out. Once your baby is born you will have less time to see him and be bothered by him anyway. Have a hug. X

kr15snw

My brother is exactly the same! Lives at home at 32 years and does nothing and pays nothing. All his wages are kept for him to spend on random junk! But CONSTANTLY comments that we should be able to afford everything as my OH is a high earner. It's SO ANNOYING!

He also thinks that I should 'hurry up and have a few kids and be a stay at home mum' as it's my job as the women to have babies and do all the housework. Theres been times when Ive popped out without OH to my parents and if I say 'oh he's at home doing the housework' I get a full on session of 'why is he doing it!! Thats your job!' and he's not joking! If I explain I work just as many hours as he does he says 'yeh but he has a real job, you just sit in your office all day'.

January20

Ignore your brother. Do what you want and tell him as little as you can about your life. If he is going to comment negatively on everything you say and do, then he doesn't get to know.

Incidentally, what eventually happened with your nieces? Did you sort the problem out?

picnmix

Have to agree with other posters - ignore him, I have an idiot as a brother have gone through years of letting him wind me up, which was what he wanted, he liked the idea of getting to me. He still winds me up, has stabbed me in the back on many occasions over personal information (one of which was a truely heartbreaking experience for myself and my DH which he chose to tell everyone about). These days he still winds me up, but I don't show it and try not to have much to do with him, it is sad for me as I would really love to have a sibling I am close to, I feel jealous of other people who have that. Try not to let him get to you and hope things improve. x

DKLS

Why tolerate anyone in your life that behaves like that, I wouldnt have him in my life.

gratefulforhelp_2

This is getting to you because you are pregnant and things are harder to shrug off I expect.

I am filled with horror at the idea of your brother looking after your baby, because he is not a grown up.

He lives with his parents and doesn't pay his way, or support his children. He is jealous of you, probably suffers unfavourable comparisons with you who ...has married and is studying and has her life together...

ignore ignore ignore.

Counting_Pennies_2

I think for your own sanity, and for the general wellbeing of your own new family you need to give your brother a wide berth.

I know only too well what it is like to have family with different views to your own and it will eat you up.

See them only when you need to, family birthdays and festive occasions and leave it at that. Invite your parents to yours or take them out, if their health enables it, and just see your brother as little as possible.

moneysaver12

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Hi, fair enough your brother sounds a bit of an idiot with his comments and general attitude, but at the end of the day what he's saying isn't really anything to get wound up over really. You can either deal with it in 3 ways:

1) Ignore him
2) Tell him you're sick of his comments and to shut up
3) Make out you're minted to him, as he already seems to think that anyway

Thankyou for your reply. I think that it is best for me to try and ignore him.

jackieglasgow wrote: »

I remember your other thread very well, and how upset you were about them kicking off because of your not being able to take the nieces so often. You need to stop letting him get to you, or else it will drive you nuts. What he does is his business, as is yours, yours. Don't listen to his comments, or else everytime he says something, say something in your head which will drown it out. Once your baby is born you will have less time to see him and be bothered by him anyway. Have a hug. X

Thankyou for your reply and the hug. I am going to try and stop it from getting to me. My dh is more laid back than me and it doesn't get to him. I need to be more like that.

kr15snw wrote: »

My brother is exactly the same! Lives at home at 32 years and does nothing and pays nothing. All his wages are kept for him to spend on random junk! But CONSTANTLY comments that we should be able to afford everything as my OH is a high earner. It's SO ANNOYING!

He also thinks that I should 'hurry up and have a few kids and be a stay at home mum' as it's my job as the women to have babies and do all the housework. Theres been times when Ive popped out without OH to my parents and if I say 'oh he's at home doing the housework' I get a full on session of 'why is he doing it!! Thats your job!' and he's not joking! If I explain I work just as many hours as he does he says 'yeh but he has a real job, you just sit in your office all day'.

Thankyou for your reply. Sorry to hear that you have problems with your brother too. I think that my brother sees housework as womens work as he expects his fiance to do all the housework and look after the children on top of her working. My brother has always been spolit by my parents and continues to be spoilt by them.

moneysaver12

January20 wrote: »

Ignore your brother. Do what you want and tell him as little as you can about your life. If he is going to comment negatively on everything you say and do, then he doesn't get to know.

Incidentally, what eventually happened with your nieces? Did you sort the problem out?

Thankyou for your reply. I would be better off telling him as little as possible. We managed to sort things out, we cut down the time we had them to every two weeks and over the pass few weeks i have cut down to a few hours on the day we have them. I found having them from morning to evening too much, it was too tiring.

picnmix wrote: »

Have to agree with other posters - ignore him, I have an idiot as a brother have gone through years of letting him wind me up, which was what he wanted, he liked the idea of getting to me. He still winds me up, has stabbed me in the back on many occasions over personal information (one of which was a truely heartbreaking experience for myself and my DH which he chose to tell everyone about). These days he still winds me up, but I don't show it and try not to have much to do with him, it is sad for me as I would really love to have a sibling I am close to, I feel jealous of other people who have that. Try not to let him get to you and hope things improve. x

Thankyou for your reply. Sorry to hear that you have had problems with your brother. Thats awful what he has done to you. I know what you mean about wishing to have sibling that you are close to. I have never been close to either of my siblings and i am so different to them. I wish that i had not just sibling to be close to but parents as well.

DKLS wrote: »

Why tolerate anyone in your life that behaves like that, I wouldnt have him in my life.

I think to be honest that if it wasn't for my nieces that i wouldn't see him very often.