partner ill...need leave from work ?

CFC

stuckinmyflat wrote: »

my oh had this same surgery on the other foot in march, i was called at 11am the next day whilst i was at work( was lucky enough to get day shifts for the swine flu response centre), after being told he was not going to be discharged until that evening, i explained i was not able to come get him until the evening. i was promptly told that they needed the bed and he was being dressed and sat in the waiting room to be collected. he sat there for 3hrs (because thats how long it took me to argue my way into leaving work to get him) as for ambulance transport well there was none and the hospital is 30 miles from where we live.

after getting him home (and having to drag him up 2 flights of stairs) he was in extreme pain, he was taking morphine. he was so wired i had to control his meds..........etc there was no way he would have coped himself. i had to call an OOH gp out 3 times in the first 48hrs

clearly you havent had the experience of greater glasgow and clyde health board. they do not provide help.

and on a side note i highly doubt ur friends foot op was as extensive as my OH, unfortunately he is having all of his toes broken and reset with pins, his arch dropped, his heel and ankle broken in a few different areas , and all the tendons in his toes and back of his legs tightened ( he has CMT)

If it turns out differently to 'the organised plan' then you cannot be refused unpaid dependent leave while you arrange for care. Eg, if the expectation is that he will arrive in the evening, and be ok with a pile of sandwiches and a kettle and urinal bottle during the day, but in fact is off his head on painkillers or the medical situation is worse than anticipated, necessitating care that was not foreseen, you're looking at asking for unpaid dependent leave that effectively cannot be refused. You cannot be sacked etc for exercising this right.

I suggest you have a close look at this page
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Employment/Employees/Timeoffandholidays/DG_10026555

I'm not sure about CMT but if it means that your partner falls under the DDA it may be worth ensuring that your HR department is aware of this in relation to any leave requests that involve caring for him.

stuckinmyflat

to be honest its just sheer stupidity, but thats nothing new when it comes to nhs policy. The first time he had surgery i wasnt prepared didt arrange enough leave, and had to leave work on a moments notice. this time i do the right thing, make them aware as soon as i can, and im penalised for it....as i said ive know about it to long to qualify for special leave, but not long enough to give my work adequate notice ! so as usual nhs employees are stuffed around by management, is it any wonder that absenteeism is rife, in fact had i really thought it through i could have phoned in sick for a week and been fully paid, seems honesty counts for nothing.

ceridwen

stuckinmyflat wrote: »

i cant leave him in the hospital , there simply isnt enough beds..they are already threatening to turf him out in the evening after the surgery. i cant afford to pay for a carer. As for getting someone else, i am trying to arrange this but is proving difficult as friends and family have lives and jobs too (most of whom work for the NHS, so also work irregular hours).

i made my employer aware that i was going to need this leave a few months ago (told them a rough idea of the dates), however my partner didnt actually get his surgery date till last week (fri) and i told them that day.

Well - they are trying to have it both ways then. Can't you get your Union onto this - and get them to point out, whilst they are on the subject, that O.H. WILL be left in hospital if THEY dont provide a suitable carer for him (ie you - by letting you have the time off you need). Tell them THEY are the ones to make the choice of which of those two options it will be:
1. Keep him in hospital - thus ensuring the bed isnt available for anyone else
OR
2. Let you have the leave you need.

Make it VERY plain to them that those are the ONLY two options THEY have and its up to THEM to choose which of those two options they are going to take. Take OH's keys off him (so he cant get back into the home) and let them know that "Here is where I stay" is his stance - backed up by a newspaper reporter doing an article on "No wonder the NHS hasnt got enough beds - THEY have caused a bit of bedblocking here by their intransigence in not letting one of their own staff take leave to be a carer" accompanied by a photo of you sniffing into your hanky tearfully saying "I'm being penalised for being honest - if I'd just skived off for the week saying I was the one that was ill then there wouldnt be any problem....I WANT (sniff) to have my partner home and care for him (sniff)".

But then...I'm capable of being quite "ruthless" with employers if they are being stupid...so that is what I personally would certainly do...

stuckinmyflat

ceridwen: u are ruthless.....i like it, im waiting till 9am so i can phone HR and try and sort this out, otherwise ill be down to my GP and get a line for stress, as im wired out my head with this.

im sure ill b bashed for that "why should the taxpayer pay for me to be off sick", so before this happens i will just remind everyone i offered to take UNPAID leave, but im being left with no choice

Sambucus_Nigra

Your mistake is giving them an opportunity to say no.

Asking 'can I?' means one of the answers can be 'no'.

Asking 'which one?' means they have to talk you through the options.

Try.

'I need to take x days leave, due to my OH undergoing a major operation, he is being discharged on yday and I need to be with him for z days and intend to be back at work on yday. What leave does this encompass and how to I book it?'.

stuckinmyflat

well im sticking to my guns no matter what, am counting down the mins till 9am lol, when ill b straight on the phone to HR, then my union, i thinks 6days is long enough for them to sort out leave, and i certainly not leaving my partner on his own after this amount of surgery

Sambucus_Nigra

stuckinmyflat wrote: »

well im sticking to my guns no matter what, am counting down the mins till 9am lol, when ill b straight on the phone to HR, then my union, i thinks 6days is long enough for them to sort out leave, and i certainly not leaving my partner on his own after this amount of surgery

You don't have to.

Don't ask them for the time off, ask them which leave you need to book and how to book it.

and calm down before you call; speak slowly and don't fly off the handle.

stuckinmyflat

cheers for the advice ,will do. dont worry i never fly off the handle on the phone, a perk of being verbally abused by patients for years lol

DKLS

I really wish mgt would realise what effect their mealy mouthed decisions can have.

I realised a long time ago that !!!! happens to staff, family die, people get ill, accidents happen you name it it can happen, I have found that being flexible and try to accommodate staff where possible you get so much more back.

stuckinmyflat

well that was imformative....... NOT , ultimately im not entitled to dependents/carers leave for two reasons they said my oh is not classed as a dependant, and secondly its not an emergency.

Hr have no authority to override a managers decision ! so basically they were no help what so ever, i was advised to attend work on fri, and sort things out at a later date when my own manager is back from annual leave?

omg i cant quite believe how useless they are......infact im thinking of giving david cameron a call and telling where they can make saving in the nhs (get rid of most of the managers and hr staff...they dont seem to do much anyway)