Help please. It's all too much..How can I survive this process???

Ava8

I posted in the IVA section(22/4/10) and had great support from many, and I am truely grateful fro all of it. But now I have discovered the IVA is not going to happen. I have discovered my debt ( I thought was about £50k) is actually £63k and the marriage can't survive it. After talking for hours on end with eachother, we have called it a day. I have filed for divorce and am moving out as soon as I can afford to. (god knows when that will be though)

I have a million thoughts running through my head, where do i start? what do i do? Will I be able to survive this?

I have spoken to a BR expert's assistant and tomorrow night I am to get a call from the BR expert from Bridgewood. Should I get further advice? Who would you suggest?
I have been in a DMP with Payplan for over 2 yrs and pay £160 a month but it will be another 60 yrs before my debts are repaid and i will be long gone by then!!

I don't quite know what I want to ask here, I am so very confused. The main worry I have is that my OH will lose the home he built, I dearly do not want this to happen to him as this 'mess' was mostly my fault and that's why I have decided to leave the family home. I don't want anymore to do with the house, Our mortgage is 174,000 and it's valued at about 215,000. He has £40k debt and has entered an IVA ( his debts were a consequence of the mess I caused)

I need help, what should I be asking during my phone call, who else should I speak to for a comparison? I don't know what to do. Some tips as to how to start this would be great. I am finding the divorce and BR just too much to think about. Any advice would help to get me started, thanks in advance.

MicheH

Hullo x

You will get through this. You can get through this. The main thing is knowledge. The more you learn about bankruptcy, the more empowered you become and can take control, you really can control it, the debt does not need to drown you anymore ok,

I'm not sure who Bridgewood are but I have to say never pay anybody for advice. There s National Debtline, a free helpline who post out a pack all about bankruptcy, I used these and found them ever so helpful. There is also CCCS and Citizens Advice, they're all free and can guide you through this.

Also, there are so many knowledgable regulars here, honestly, what these people don't know about debt and bankruptcy, well frankly it is not worth knowing. They have helped me.

Your best bet is get that free personal advice, that will throw up many a question which the good people can help answer. This is the start of sorting this ok, well done for posting and make sure you keep posting no matter how trivial it seems.

Hope you're ok, hope to help somewhat, I just wish I was more knowledgable to help you with the technical side.

Ava8

Thanks MicheH,
It's just not knowing what the questions are that I should be asking. But I agree, don't pay for any advice and I have read a lot on here and i know i can prepare all the forms myself with help and edvice from others on the forum. Just feel so damn stupid and cross with myself for getting to this stage. I work and that will be my saving grace although my income is not great £15,000 but have just qualified to teach (last week) and I am looking for teaching posts now so hopefully this will help me further. thank you, thank you for replying to my post so quickly. My biggest concern is if they force a sale, i couldn't live with the knowledge that i have screwed up his life as much as mine. he really does not deserve it.

MicheH

It's getting late so not many people are on but hopefully tomorrow the more knowledgable ones will come and give you a hand or share their stories at least. Stay strong Ava

IF

Hello Ava and welcome, I know at the moment millions of questions are going round in your head but make a list of your creditors,debts and assets and as Miche has said please contact a Debt charity first. Ring one tomorrow and remember we have all been there and know exactly how you are feeling.

Please click on Blue links below.

For ‘essential’ info this is Fermi’s sticky at top of the forum:-

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1056083

These are the most used Debt charities:-

http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/index/getadvice.htm

http://www.nationaldebtline.co.uk/

http://www.cccs.co.uk/

More Debt charities also on Fermi’s link:-

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=1056083

And anything you don’t understand don’t be afraid to ask.

Best wishes
If...x

miggy

I didn't want to read & run...
I'm sorry you find yourself in such a hard place at the moment. Please do stick around and 'bump' your thread in the morning, when there will be more knowledgeable people around to help.
For tonight - try to rest - nothing's going to happen overnight yet things always seem worse when it's late and you're tired. Tomorrow is soon enough to start making a plan of action.
Wishing you all the best - you'll get through this and come out stronger.

mackenzie03

I understand why this is such a difficult time for you. I have been through divorce twice and recently had to declare bankruptcy due to the difficulties my exs left me with.
Going through divorce and bankruptcy at the same time is stressful, you will get through you will find strength and once you have received free advice from CCCS, National Debtline or CAB also you can gain excellent advice and support on this site. Nobody is here to judge you and I think that once you have advice you will find strength and will be able to see the wood for the trees!!!
You do not need to pay for advice and would advise that you make a list of questions you want to ask.
Most importantly don't blame yourself or be too hard on yourself - you may be in a mess but I'm sure it wasn't caused by you knowing that your situation would change or that bankruptcy was going to be a decision you would need to make. We all make mistakes that's why we are on this site!
Take care and seek free advice.
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Sunnylooloo

Hi Ava

Please as others have said above seek advice from the debt charities they are all there to help and never judge.

I am going through a messy divorce with huge amounts of debt on both sides (my ex is after me for more than he should but I have bitten the bullet and settled for less just to get him off my back!)

I did look in to a DMP with Payplan but I know if I did i would have ended up failing it as their budget was just unrealistic.

Since then I have entered agreements myself with creditors to help me keep on track, and hopefully when my divorce is settled and the house is sold I will be able to make F & F offers to people who will hopefully accept. If the ex does not see reason and wants to take this to court then I will have no other option but to go BR (after seeking lots of advice)


It is a very hard time for you, but please remember there is lots of support and advice out there and I know I would have been lost without the suppot I have had from this site.

I don't have as much knowledge as some but I just wanted you to know we know how you feel.

take care
LL

Ava8

Thanks again folks, but still very confused and need more help.
For instance, how does the beneficial interest thing work? I really don't wany OH to lose his house (i am on the deeds but don't want it, or even to see it again) If i thought he would lose it - i would try to stay in my DMP for the next 50yrs. I don't care what happens to me anymore, I am numb.

Who values the property and how do they work the BI out? I am just walking around like a zombie these days, and still trying to find somewhere affordable to live. Next move is to visit the local housing office and see if I qualify for a council house. I'm sure there are others who feel like they are walking in the twilight zone too. I could just sleep forever. The divorce is going ahead and it;s all gathering pace but need to save the house for him, it's entirely my fault we are here and I want to limit the damage if I can for him. Oh god, I want to rewind my life..

mackenzie03

Please try and stop blaming yourself, I know you are going through a difficult time and my sympathies are with you and your husband. I believe that if there is equity in the house you will be offered to buy the beneficial interest - I think you will be offered to buy by the official receiver this offer will be to you, your husband and any family members or friends. You will be asked to get three independent valuations on the property and you want the value given to be for a 'quick' sale, you will need to advise the estate agent that this is the value you need. You will then be asked by the OR if you wish to buy the BI which will be any equity in the house plus solicitors fees which I think are around 200-300 pounds. Just take one step at a time and speak to a debt advisor and explain your concerns about the house - they know more than I do once you have more information you will be able to make a decision that is right for you and everyone else involved but please stop being so hard on yourself.

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mackenzie03

The information I have given you is what I have picked up on reading threads on this site - someone who can confirm whether this is right or wrong will be along soon I'm sure!

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