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Question on morale for fellow job seekers
sims22
Posts: 73 Forumite
This is probably slightly off topic for this forum but I wanted to the views of people in the same boat as me and let off a little steam.
I have been unemployed since the middle of February and have applied for in excess of 150 jobs including 3 unsucessful interviews (and one telephone interiew). I am doing everything I can to find work and would accept a job at half my previous salary in a second.
Despite all my efforts and willingness to find a job, I am finding that family members and friends occasionally throw the situation in my face. My husband especially was very supportive when I found out about my redundancy and about supporting us both financially but several times a week he will say something like, "One of us has to work" or "I'm working very hard to have to support us both". My husband makes a six figure salary and so we're not going to starve but when I suggested going to the cinema yesterday I got a very short reply of "when you get a job we'll be able to go to the cinema".
Friends who are employed will say, "It's ok for you but we have to work". They don't even realise how ungrateful they sound to someone that would willingly do their job without complaining.
Every time I see my mother in law she starts conversations with, "Haven't you found a job yet".
I'm probably being over sensitive but it's strange that it's the people who I would normally turn to for comfort that are leading me to be depressed. It's getting to the point that I try to avoid seeing people at all.
I have been unemployed since the middle of February and have applied for in excess of 150 jobs including 3 unsucessful interviews (and one telephone interiew). I am doing everything I can to find work and would accept a job at half my previous salary in a second.
Despite all my efforts and willingness to find a job, I am finding that family members and friends occasionally throw the situation in my face. My husband especially was very supportive when I found out about my redundancy and about supporting us both financially but several times a week he will say something like, "One of us has to work" or "I'm working very hard to have to support us both". My husband makes a six figure salary and so we're not going to starve but when I suggested going to the cinema yesterday I got a very short reply of "when you get a job we'll be able to go to the cinema".
Friends who are employed will say, "It's ok for you but we have to work". They don't even realise how ungrateful they sound to someone that would willingly do their job without complaining.
Every time I see my mother in law she starts conversations with, "Haven't you found a job yet".
I'm probably being over sensitive but it's strange that it's the people who I would normally turn to for comfort that are leading me to be depressed. It's getting to the point that I try to avoid seeing people at all.
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Comments
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I am in the same boat and get this from my family too! It always seems to be those that have either never had to work or have never been in this unfortunate position! People seem to love to make you feel like a second class citizen! You have my sympathy!0
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Sorry to hear that you are feeling this way.
My reaction to your husbands comment about "When you get a job we'll go to the cinema" was unprintable. NOT very supportive of him....and I was thinking "Mean so-and-so" in stronger language than that...
As you say - since he is on a 6 figure salary you are hardly going to starve.
Hmmm.....well with the level of salary hubbie is on then it hardly seems appropriate to urge all the saving ways advocated on the Old Style Board on this Forum - ie all the shopping round/making from scratch/grow your own - as, in comparison to those sort of salary levels, not many £s would be saved....
..:think: - I'm trying to think of some way you could visibly "earn your keep" so to say in other ways whilst waiting for a suitable (or half salary even) job to come along. If people could see that you were doing something else visibly useful with that extra time you currently have - then maybe they might "get off your back" (note: no I dont mean have a baby - which seems to be a frequent female way of reacting to this type of situation. I would not advocate having a baby for wrong reasons - and I'm feeling a little nervous on your behalf about his unsupportive reaction so far...so please dont put yourself in that situation to find a way to "have something to do with your life" - NOT a good idea).
1. Are you good at cooking - but have maybe previously only done fairly basic meals that can be fitted in on top of a workday? Maybe there might be a way to "up the ante" on that and start turning out meals with high "Foodie appeal" and if hubbie is eating a lot better perhaps he might not complain so much?
(On from that - if you were good enough at it - then perhaps you could charge people you know for catering for them - luxury homemade ready meals to put in their freezers?)
(I am guessing that the people you know are also pretty wealthy??..so could afford this).
2. Take up suitable voluntary work - then you will indeed be working and visibly making a contribution (so perhaps they will stop griping - even though you wouldnt be paid for it).
I guess you have to work out in your mind exactly what their problem is with this. Is it:
a. That you arent fetching in the salary you usually do (presumably a pretty high one too?...)
OR
b. That you appear to have all your time free to do what you want - and THEY don't (ie the green-eyed monster of jealousy).
Taking either of my suggestions up might possibly deal with the griping if the cause is b.
If the case is a. (ie less money coming in) - then you have more of a problem and all you can do is keep plugging away applying for jobs and making it quite plain JUST how many you are asking for.0 -
Looking for specific comments I could helpfully make:
1. I see that you are a solicitor - could you maybe make that voluntary work I was suggesting giving free legal advice to socially-deserving causes? (I know, for instance, that there is a group of lawyers fighting cases on behalf of the environment - ie using the law to fight against anyone trying to spoil the environment). Possible win:win situation? - you help out a deserving cause or two and maybe you get noticed for some paid work by someone? (hopefully not the opposition - trying to "buy you off".......)
2. I see it looks as if you and hubby have recently bought your house - so, understandably, there is the pressure of a new mortgage weighing on you both. Also - I noted the comment about a basement flat. Have you got a self-contained part to your accommodation that you could maybe do up and rent out? (now that would bring in a noticeable contribution to the household income - if not at the level your salary normally does).
EDIT: ......or maybe combine both....as in a free legal advice surgery for worthy causes using that basement flat as your premises for this......? You would probably be wanted so fast by so many people that you could/would have to pick and choose what to take on - and at least you would be free to only take on the cases where the person/cause was morally in the right....rather than having to stick to whoever-could-pay (regardless of whether they actually had moral Right on their side).0 -
Thank you for all the advice. I have considered working for free to increase my experience.
I am a fairly newly qualified solicitor hence the poor job market. There are many jobs out there but mostly at the mid and senior level. Plus most firms had a recruitment freeze in 2008 and so there are lots of people in the same boat as me going for the same jobs.
I got a redundancy pay out that meant I could focus on full time job hunting for a while and not get distracted with voluntary work etc. I don't know if thats the wrong attitude but seemed sensible at the time.
I am infact also applying for Paralegal and Legal Assistant roles as well as solicitor roles.
The basement flat is a seperate property that is currently rented out. We have considered getting a lodger in for the spare room in our house and it's probably time to seriously look into that. It's not ideal but will surely ease some of the pressure.
After posting this thread yesterday I also looked into temp work and will look into that more thoroughly tomorrow when I can make some calls.0 -
CAB always appreciate solicitors doing shifts and it is a great way to improve your CV for employers. In y last town, solictors put their new starters on the CAB rota for min 6 month to broaden them out.Debt free 4th April 2007.
New house. Bigger mortgage. MFWB after I have my buffer cash in place.0
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