Feeling very down

pinkcloudnine

I just feel I need to write this down. I am feeling very down at the moment. Every morning I wake up feeling like crying. My family go to work/school & I am at home on my own all day. I do work part time, eve's or weekends & 1 day in the week.Apart from going to supermarket I don't go out of the house. i am really lonely. I have no friends, all I would love is to have someone to have a coffee with & go shopping one in a while. My DH says he dowsn't know what he can do to help me, I don't want to take tablets etc. He is applying for promotion at work soon, i support him in this. however as he has dyslexia the paperwork side of things will take a huge amount of effort to do & will take up much of his time at home.I really miss DD1 who has all but left home now due to her work, DD2 is growing up too fast & DS1 is always out [as he should be] if not at work. I feel very alone, sad, & miserable. I am always cheerful at work, but inside feel empty & sad. I am scared of growing old & losing any contact with my family. All I want is some company sometimes, people never want to be friends with me unless thay can have someting to feel superior to me about. Its more than 12 yrs since I had any time out with a friend.Sorry for the long post

mummy_Jay

I just responded and lost everything so let try again.

It sounds like you need something to get you out of the house more so how about exercise classes, evening classes or a new qualification?

Or what about volunteering?
All will get you out of the house and interacting with people, so you can make new friends.

Ask yourself what you really love and go from there, if your missing your children being younger how about looking into a teaching assistance role or if you love drawing how about art classes. Find soemthing you know you'll enjoy doing and go for it.

The exercise or maybe even dance classes would give you a positive boost too.

LittleMissAspie

You sound like you feel you have no purpose now that your children have grown up? What do you do for yourself? Would increasing your hours make you feel better? Finding a hobby, what do you look forward to doing? Maybe try evening classes or some sort of course, you can meet people there too.

Do you have family time together? I guess it must be hard with 3 young adults rushing around doing their thing, but try to get together for a meal out or go to the cinema or something. Make them book it into their busy schedules

Teenie_D

Pinkcloudnine I am so sorry you are feeling like this-I know what it is like, I was going through the same last year. It is really hard to motivate yourself to go out when you are feeling like this but the first thing I would suggest is that you go and speak to your doc. I eventually done this and just speaking about it to someone really helped me. I was seeing her every week and she did want me to start taking A/D's but I really wanted to avoid this and in the end I managed to get through it without taking anything.

Are there any hobbies or interests you have or would like to try-this is a good way of meeting people, I know the idea of going to a group where you don't know a single soul is terrifying but it will get easier. Or even look at doing a night class at your local college, or going to the swimming pool or just going for a walk.

I am sorry I don't know what else to suggest I'm sure others will come along with some suggestions.

Take care and I hope you feel better soon. x

grastgirl

You poor thing! It is awful when you don't feel like you've got your own life. It sounds like during the day is your biggest problem, so perhaps some volunteering would be good. You could try the local hospital or if you like the outdoors, there might be a conservation charity you could help out with, get in the fresh air and get some exercise (which can improve your mood). My mum helps with the local beavers, which she loves because the kids are all 6-8 years old, and she can really shape their personalities.

Sounds like you're lacking in self confidence a bit as well, perhaps Paul McKenna's "I canmake you confident" could help you. It contains a book to work through and a CD, personally I only used the CD and it's really helped me. It may give you the confidence that will make you more appealing to the right sort of friends.

I would second LittleMissAspie's suggestion of having family dinner night, where they can tell you all about their week, and you can tell them about your new activity.

claireac

I was going to suggest volunteering too. How about Homestart where you support a family?? You have heaps of experience at that - I'm sure they'd bite your hand off!

I do know exactly how you feel though. I was in a similar situation a few years ago, but my children were younger, I was working for my parents, not many friends, and a horrible husband (now ex!).

I think the thing with children, is that they grow up and grow away with you, but then they kind of come back and want to do things with you. I think this is particularly true with daughters. Why not arrange a spa day with your dd?? She might find it's fun to do thinks with Mum :T.
Have you thought about herbal ad's?? I've taken St Johns Wort before now and that was really helpful - but check if you're on any other medication.

Btw, I joined a baby forum when pg with my dd (she's now 3) and they are some of my closest friends!! So don't discount "weirdie internet friends", as we call ourselves lol.

*zippy*

Pink hugs to you :grouphug: I can relate to what you are saying and felt the same way a couple of years ago. I wasn't really that bothered about having close friends when the kids were younger and kept to myself and family, but then when the kids started getting older and I had more time I really did feel very lonely and it seemed much harder to make friends.

I decided to make a big effort to meet people and tried lots of things, joining different hobby groups, internet forums, I voulunteered for a mother and toddler group and another church group, I invited neighbours around for a cuppa etc. It was harder than I thought it would be and in the beginning it just seemed I was just making more more acquaintances as people already had their social circle, but slowly i've made friends and met some lovely people.

I think there are alot of woman out there in the same situation, one group I go too a few of the woman have admitted they look forward to it all week just to get out of the house for a natter. Consider a trip to the Drs too for a check up, I found a health condition was making me depressed and once on medication I lost that empty feeling inside.

Pink if you need a chat you are welcome to pm me anytime x

Crab

claireac wrote: »

I was going to suggest volunteering too. How about Homestart where you support a family?? You have heaps of experience at that - I'm sure they'd bite your hand off!

I was going to suggest that too. Here's the link:
http://www.home-start.org.uk/volunteer/volunteer

The other suggestions are all good too - volunteer, just get out of the house. Go to the gym - not only will it help you feel better about yourself, you'll probably meet ladies in the same boat as yourself too. Don't rush anything, just let it happen, but I think just being out there will be the thing to kickstart things.

And you could start with seeing your GP, even if it's just to get it off your chest to a person in real life.

Does your husband know you feel like this, or have you not explained as fully as you have here? Maybe he'd help you out if he had a better understanding. Get him to take you out once a week, doesn't have to be expensive, get BOGOF Pizza Express deals or something, just make a little date of it.
And you can help him with his job aplication, that should speed things up.

pinkcloudnine

Thank you for all your lovely replies, made me cry even more! I would like to do some further education, I am a nurse & enjoy my work but studying isn't really practical as DH always needs help with paperwork etc. Also if I were studying in the eve he would defo not be happy. When he had a bout of depression a few years ago, [has one every 2-3yrs] he gave me an ultimatium, give up the job I was in at the time or that would be it for us. He said I had changed too much,too confident, argumentative[ I think I had found some confidence] I gave up the best job I had ever had which I really enjoyed.So now I don't talk about my work, its just something I do when he's not at home. studying would make him feel as if I want something more than him[ I do, but not in the way he thinks, a friend for girlly natters etc]. Have tried asking people round but they are all too busy etc.

Crab

pinkcloudnine wrote: »

Thank you for all your lovely replies, made me cry even more! I would like to do some further education, I am a nurse & enjoy my work but studying isn't really practical as DH always needs help with paperwork etc. Also if I were studying in the eve he would defo not be happy. When he had a bout of depression a few years ago, [has one every 2-3yrs] he gave me an ultimatium, give up the job I was in at the time or that would be it for us. He said I had changed too much,too confident, argumentative[ I think I had found some confidence] I gave up the best job I had ever had which I really enjoyed.So now I don't talk about my work, its just something I do when he's not at home. studying would make him feel as if I want something more than him[ I do, but not in the way he thinks, a friend for girlly natters etc]. Have tried asking people round but they are all too busy etc.

Oh. That kind of puts a different slant on things. I am sorry to hear he is being so unsupportive. After you support him with his depression and dyslexia.
Do you feel some resentment for him making you give up the job you enjoyed? Why on earth would he issue you an ultimatum like that? Unless you were a stripper, I can't understand it.
You sound like a purely giving lady. You need to do a little for yourself though, and not be ruled by him. You are not just a wife/mother/part-time nurse.

Don't be disheartened that people are busy. They probably are. I am rubbish for making the effort sometimes to see people. Some people have more time than others, some more inclined to see people (me, I like my little home, and don't go out loads, but that's mainly because I like it like that). You just need to find the people who like going out for coffees and natters - I stick by the ideas given of joining a gym or doing a fitness class once a week.
And try harder to explain to hubby that you just need a girly chat friend sometimes, and you want to feel better about your job, and it doesn't reflect on him at all.

mummy_Jay

Whats to stop you studying in the day, whilst he's at work? If you don't follow your heart one day your going to wake up and blame him for not having the life you wanted.

Sorry but why would he ask you to give up a job you love? I find this attitude concerning does he like you being miserable? Does he understand how unhappy you are at the moment, maybe he might not be so quick to reject you doing what you need to, to be happy if he understood how you feel?