Leaving Kids At What Age???

debtfreeplease_3

Hi to all,

Real tricky one this, live next door to sil for the last 10 years and thing have always been good never had cross words never fell out nothing.
Problem now lies is that she divorced approx years ago (he left for someone else) and yes i agree that she does need to have a life she has now got herself another fella witch is great because she really likes him, but the thing is is that she has two kids one the age of 16 (and immature with it ) and one child the age of 11 (more sensible one!) and when she goes to visit her bf (which is about 1/2 hr drive away ) she has on quiet a few occasions left her children overnight.

Now i know that this is not morally right but what does the law say on these sort of things? Is she breaking the law? or is having a child of 16 old enough to look after a younger child overnight? When she does go out the older child always has friends (girls and boys ) in the house, somes even been known to have a drink in there! But when the noise does get to much i do go in and tell them to be quiet but its not my place to tell them, i never get asked to keep an eye out on them and its never mentioned on sil behalf if the 'house' was ok. Now dh mentioned to her the other night that she should be at home more often for her kids and she just shrugged it off ssaying 'im on other end of phone if they need me' now if she does come home it may be even after 10 pm at night after the youngest has put themselves to bed.

What is everyones views on this am i just being mellow dramatic??

Rikki

I leave my 17 year old to babysit for my 11 year old maybe two or three times a month. Then I am only a phone call away and a five minute walk back from my local. I have never left my 17 year old alone in the house over night not even when his brother was at his Dads. That is just the way I feel.

bonvonnie

i personally wouldnt leave me kids overnight alone, even if the oldest is 16.
i think you have a right to be concerned, but at the end of the day its your SIL's kids.
why does she visit bf, and not the other way around?

lynzpower

The la wis an !!! on this im afraid, I used to deal with this sort of thing in children & families social work fairly regualrly.

AS i understand it, there is NO min age limit when a child can be left alone legally. However, if the police, social services or other state depts hear of it, there is usually a child protection strategy meeting with th epolice involved. ( or there was where I worked) This meeting will meet with the parents and assess to what extent the children are experiencing parental neglect.

If the child has an injury or is hurt ( say in a fire, or worse god forbid) then the parents can be prosecuted for leaving them alone however they are not acting illegally by leaving them alone.

Doesnt really make sense does it? If you are worried about them, I would be too, Id phone your local social services dept anonymously and let them know
PM me if you need more
Lynz
x

comping_cat

I was informed by social services (i was enquiring at what age someone can become a babysitter) that the law states it is illegal to leave a child under 12 in front of an open fire................ Thats it!!!!! As lynzpower says, there is no law so you can leave a child at any age. However, if something happened, and the child (or children) were young then you could (and prob would) get into trouble.

alwaysskint96

Surely it cant actually be wrong to leave a 16 year old. After allk you can leave home and get married at 16 with permission. And its not unknown for 16 year olds to have babies of their own to look after

Coupon-mad

alwaysskint96 wrote:

Surely it cant actually be wrong to leave a 16 year old. After allk you can leave home and get married at 16 with permission. And its not unknown for 16 year olds to have babies of their own to look after

I would tend to agree, altho' the OP says that the 16 yr old is 'immature' so if I was the Mum I would certainly not be happy to leave them overnight.

Not sure if it's clear from the original post whether the oldest is a boy and the younger one a girl (?).......if so I wouldn't recommend leaving them with drink in the house, and other friends around too. This leaves the younger one (if female) in some danger of sex abuse - you only need one dodgy/drunk teenager to ruin her life.

Doesn't bear thinking about.:eek:

pickledtink

alwaysskint96 wrote:

Surely it cant actually be wrong to leave a 16 year old. After allk you can leave home and get married at 16 with permission. And its not unknown for 16 year olds to have babies of their own to look after

Quite.
Personally one of the most alarming aspects of British family life today is the reluctance to allow youngsters to develop into adults. Like it or lump it there is no quick easy fix. They have to be given responsibility and learn as they go. The shrieks of dismay and avowals of loathing are par for the course.

As alwaysskint points out by law you can have sex, marry and be a parent at 16. Maybe parents who prepare their children with exposure to the realistic tasks of life are actually more responsible than those who avoid their duty as parents.

Too often kids are given too much power to demand but not give. I see so many parents who are copping out by allowing their children to hang on them instead of learning the skills of survival and self sufficiency.
Like hello?!
The telephone, internet etc does not actually exist as your God given right.
Guess what? Food costs money so the fact that you have decided to be a vegetarian after I have dished up roast beef is tough. Lets face it you could lose a few pounds.
This is the washing machine. If you press this little switch thing the round bit opens! Wow! No It doesn't iron your Howie ' Save the remote South American obscure Squirrel' T shirt. Neither do I.

I work/live part the year in countries where people of 12-14 years work hard to contribute to their families. Not in any sweatshop suffering environment mark you but in a culture where it is accepted that you work to live, provide for your family and take pride in your ability to do so.
If we continue to keep our pampered western offspring in ignorance of the road to maturity we deserve to reap the results of our weak self indulgent parenting.

pickledtink

Coupon-mad wrote:

I would tend to agree, altho' the OP says that the 16 yr old is 'immature' so if I was the Mum I would certainly not be happy to leave them overnight.

Not sure if it's clear from the original post whether the oldest is a boy and the younger one a girl (?).......if so I wouldn't recommend leaving them with drink in the house, and other friends around too. This leaves the younger one (if female) in some danger of sex abuse - you only need one dodgy/drunk teenager to ruin her life.

Doesn't bear thinking about.:eek:

Yes it does.

It should not only be thought about but discussed and addressed. This is life. There are nasty, unpleasant dodgy people around.
Teach your children how to spot them and give them some useful practical lessons in dealing with such encounters plus practical information on how to get help if they need to.

hobo28

alwaysskint96 wrote:

Surely it cant actually be wrong to leave a 16 year old. After allk you can leave home and get married at 16 with permission. And its not unknown for 16 year olds to have babies of their own to look after

Absolutely.

I would say that at 16, you can still behave immaturely but by then, they know right from wrong.

I've had a 16 yr old babysit my kids who you could class as "immature". To be honest, all she needed to do was call me if there was a problem.

Sheesh, if they can have sex, get married, fight for our country, smoke and babysit all legally, I don't see why they couldn't look after their own sibling for a while. As long as she's left them with food, drink, phone and a bit of money I can't see how the parent is doing wrong. If anything, it will teach the 16yr old a thing or two about responsibility!

HOWEVER, in this particular case, leaving the 16yr old in charge isn't working in that he/she is having a bit of a party whilst the younger sibling is still there. This must be keeping the younger one awake so can't be good for them. I'd have a word with mum rather than resort to involving social services who to be fair probably won't be interested.

Since you only live next door, could you not babysit?

patchwork_cat

Hi
The NSPCC website has this http://www.nspcc.org.uk/html/home/needadvice/childrenathomealone.htm

A while ago there was a discussion on this board about 11/12 year olds.

I think that to leave a 16 year old alone is not illegal, but perhaps to babysit an 11 year old frequently is not good parenting.

Is your SIL your husbands sister or your brothers wife? If former perhaps your husband should talk to his sister - in law relationshipe being what they are. If she is your brothers wife then tell him and he should deal with it.

Perhaps as you are next door, for the sake of the younger one, and for your sake as you are obviously worried, you should take on a parenting role or at least supervisory role.