Overheard comment

Argygirl

I have got back together with an ex boyfriend. We agreed to split up two years ago as neither of us was ready to get married and we had been together for nearly five years then and it seemed to be expected of us.

We got back together after seeing one another over Christmas. He said that he wanted to get back together because he now realises how special our relationship was and that noone he has been with since has been so compatable with him.

We do get on really well and have hardly ever fallen out. We are both usually quite laid back, but we also enjoy the same things.

Although I still don't feel ready for a commitment, I was beginning to think that he might be the one and that i ought to think more seriously about this.

The one thing that does bother me is that he doesn't have a very high sex drive. Although he comments on my clothes and looks and we have lots of kisses and cuddles, he has initiated sex twice since we got back together and before we split up it would have been a couple of times a month. I have not initiated sex since we got together again, but I used to and usually he would be too tired. We had discussed it and he said he had never had much of a sex drive, it never seemed as important to him as to other people. When I initiated sex and he didn't feel like it, he did make me feel loved, not like a complete rejection.

The sex when it happens is good (so far as I am concerned, and he says that it is good and appears to enjoy it) and I suppose I would like it a little more frequently, but it's not an issue.

The only thing is that I overheard him talking to a friend about another girl who he was with whilst we were apart. He was saying that he was glad it was over and that she was too demanding, but he signed and said, God, she really turned me on.

I know they say listeners hear no good of themselves, but now I am really upset and don't know what to think.

Chinkle

Was the sex more frequent when you first got together - maybe its the appeal of someone new and then it wears off - happens to most of us, although not to the extent we are unhappy with the frequency. Why not have a chat with him - see if you can come to some arrangement that suits - ie would he be happy to pleasure you in other ways without it resulting in penetration.

Ultimately you have to decide how important this is to you in the wider picture of him otherwise being a good match.

Argygirl

I just feel that there is no way I would have overheard him saying that about me... I feel like I'm the sensible choice and that he was lusting after her. I don't want to be the sensible choice.

Artytarty

Its quite likely he was only making himself look macho to his friend.
I'd honestly think no more about it!
You two sound good for each other now.
I married "the sensible choice" myself and sometimes Id love a bit more excitement but Im more glad he is lovable, honest, reliable and kind and a good father to 3 so something must work!!!

naijapower

You need to have a chat with him. Sometimes a new flame ignites lust and passion hence his reference to the other bird.
However, you need to make him aware that you are the one and only true and everlasting flame. Put more effort, dress more appealing and sexy to drive him up. Trust me, it works.

At the moment, ur partner has tasted anoda fruit and is still excited from; you need to re-ignite ur own fruit to sweeten him.

I dont wish to go into so much details, but i feel like giving an true example:

A friend split with his girl friend and had a new bird in the interval. His new bird took sex to greater heights as she was more than willing to do stuff to him which his ex never did and which he truely admitted that the effect was like heaven on earth. (pls use ur imagination cos i dont think some people here will appreciate detailed description).

Eventually, the new relationship terminated and he went back to his former girlfriend. As it was, he kept complaining and confiding in me that he struggled to have sex with her cos he was yet to recover from the experience of this bird he met in the interval. Also he was scared to discuss with his girlfriend cos he felt she might be upset and feel she was being compared to some other person. she might even feel insecure in the process especially if she is unable to replicate the act of the so called interval bird.

RoxieW

I would be very upset to overhear that too but looking at it rationally it is you that he has chosen to be with.

You could confront him and have an argy bargy about it which may put your mind at rest and lead to a 'sex' discussion. it may also put pressure on a situation which you are happy to live with.
If you dont it may fester and be at the back of your mind.
If it was me - I'd have it out.

Argygirl

Naijapower - did he ever tell his long term girlfriend what the problem was? Do you think they are happy now?

Person_one

naijapower wrote: »

You need to have a chat with him. Sometimes a new flame ignites lust and passion hence his reference to the other bird.
However, you need to make him aware that you are the one and only true and everlasting flame. Put more effort, dress more appealing and sexy to drive him up. Trust me, it works.

At the moment, ur partner has tasted anoda fruit and is still excited from; you need to re-ignite ur own fruit to sweeten him.

I dont wish to go into so much details, but i feel like giving an true example:

A friend split with his girl friend and had a new bird in the interval. His new bird took sex to greater heights as she was more than willing to do stuff to him which his ex never did and which he truely admitted that the effect was like heaven on earth. (pls use ur imagination cos i dont think some people here will appreciate detailed description).

Eventually, the new relationship terminated and he went back to his former girlfriend. As it was, he kept complaining and confiding in me that he struggled to have sex with her cos he was yet to recover from the experience of this bird he met in the interval. Also he was scared to discuss with his girlfriend cos he felt she might be upset and feel she was being compared to some other person. she might even feel insecure in the process especially if she is unable to replicate the act of the so called interval bird.

I'm sorry, but I think this is really bad advice. The OP and her partner have a lot of history and probably know each other inside out, sexy undies and a copy of the kama sutra are not a solution to every sexual problem!

It seems like there is a disparity in sex drives and an issue with communication so I would suggest that seeing a counsellor specialising in sexual relationships might be a better path to take.

http://www.relate.org.uk/sex-therapy/index.html

Good luck OP, it sounds like this relationship has a lot working in its favour so I hope you can resolve this.

naijapower

Argygirl wrote: »

Naijapower - did he ever tell his long term girlfriend what the problem was? Do you think they are happy now?

They are still together and are living happily. But he never told her the prob direct or blunt. They had a long chat and part of the plan was for them to work towards making each other happy.
Since the prob was more him, he said he made a resolve to barnish all thots of the 'interval bird' from his mind and make this work.
He became more responsive and interested. Much later, some of all his sexual wishes or desires were fulfilled as they both decided to take things to a different level slowly. No reference to any past partners etc.

I know some people have made reference to counsellors but unfortunately i have not been a great fan of counsellors. This is not to say they are 'bad'.
But i honestly believe; effective communication between both parties most times solve the problem.#
I have my reasons for not liking counsellors. I have been to one before who tried to give me advise when truely she wasn't competent to do so after my checks.