One child in private school/one in state

Dora_the_Explorer_5

I guess the bottom lines is, when someone wins someone else loses. Only the OP knows which one of his children would be the winner and which one the loser.

Bennifred

It strikes me that the age of seven is a little young to be labelling someone academic/non-academic.

I think if I were in the OP's position, I would decide on the best thing to do with regard to the eldest child as an individual, and then if the younger appears to want to follow her then do everything possible to enable her - eg extra tuition weekly, and then make the best decision for the younger at the time that decision needs making. If it turns out that in fact she isn't as bright and therefore can't follow her sister, then you find the best solution for HER.
I do think children should be treated as individuals, and that parents should do their best to meet their differing needs if possible. Those decisions may not always be popular with the child, but as previous posters have pointed out, children are not necessarily mature enough to make such important decisions (which isn't to say their views shouldn't be taken into account!)

alwaysskint96

Well my eldest went to the local secondary school and is now in year 10 and perfectly happy there. Her sister (now yr 6) passed the entrance exam to a very good grammar school nearby so will be going there. Doesnt seem to be any resentment about it between them- eldest isnt very academic and didnt even want to take the 11+

As the old saying goes- horses for courses.

Beside your 7 byear old may well feel differently by the time the reality of secondary school comes up

sleepy

Seeing as most people on here seem to be parents I thought I'd post from the other perspective. I'm now 22 and my brother is 17. When I was 10 I really wanted to go to a specific school, that happened to be selective. I took the tests and got in. I absolutely loved my school and was very happy there. 5 years later it was time for my brother to pick his secondary school. He was less academically gifted, but a lot better at sports. He wanted to go to a specific local comprehensive, but my mum thought he should go to my school so we had the same opportunity. He took the entrance exams and didn't get in, so he went to the comprehensive that he wanted.

He fully admits that he wouldn't have been happy at my school, and I wouldn't have been happy at his. As everybody is different, it can cause more problems when parents force all their children to do the same things.

I would suggest letting the oldest take her opportunity now and dealing with the youngest when it's her time. After all, how would your oldest feel if she couldn't go to the school of her choice, if it offers her a scholarship, just because of potential future problems with her sister? (Hmm, don't I sound like an older sister there!)

silvercar

You can't compare a bit of extra tutoring with sending your child to the right school.

You want a school where you agree with the ethos, where your values are the ones being taught to your children, where the children are given the ambition to succeed and where the (all to important these days) peer pressure supports learning.

Sure tutoring can make up for gaps in teaching and improve grades but it is not the whole picture.

Dora_the_Explorer_5

Very often fee paying schools have hidden costs which perhaps wouldn't be covered by a bursary: more items of more expensive school uniform, extra curricular activities, field trips and school organised holidays etc etc. Can the OP afford these extras? Will the OP be able to spend an equivalent sum of money on the youngest at the same time as he spends it on the eldest? There may be a circle to be squared which has nothing to do with academic ability of either child.

surfsister

inkie wrote:

Wondering what your thoguhts are on this, as I am in a dilemma and don't know what to do for the best.

We have 2 DDs - one who will be in yr 6 at primary school nxt yr (and is predicted to get level 5 in SATS). We have looked into private school for when she moves to Seniors, and would hope to get either a bursary or scholarship, which would significantly reduce the cost. Feel that this would be an excellent oppertunity and that she would excel in this envirnment.

Our other daughter (7) is at the other end of the academic scale - and therefore would be unlikely to gain a scholarship, which would mean that we would have to pay all fees (which would cripple us), that is assuming that she would pass the entrance test in the first place.The other option is to go for another private school where both girls would receive assisted places by nature of my job (a minister), but again, this is a selctive school, and the younger one may not pass the entrance test, therefore we have the same problem. She is a really loving, caring and creative child, but struggles academically.

We would potentially have a situation where one child would go to private and the other the state. I feel a morally uncomftable with this - I don't want my younger DD feeling inferior by going to a different school, but at the same time its a unique oppertunity for my elder daughter.

I know what the 'right' answer is i.e. forgo the opp. for scholarship for elder daughter to save the situation of a two tier education, but what would you do - its not often that oppertunities like this come along.

What would you do?

I have 2 dd's one in private one state both happy my advice get the oldest daughter in which private school you choose then worry about the other later, anything may happen by then.

But I would definitely advise a private school as they have so many advantages I'm afraid - small classes and teach to a much higher standard.

Good luck!

surfsister

Dora_the_Explorer wrote:

Very often fee paying schools have hidden costs which perhaps wouldn't be covered by a bursary: more items of more expensive school uniform, extra curricular activities, field trips and school organised holidays etc etc. Can the OP afford these extras? Will the OP be able to spend an equivalent sum of money on the youngest at the same time as he spends it on the eldest? There may be a circle to be squared which has nothing to do with academic ability of either child.

Mst private school unless really posh expensive ones have uniform sales where you can buy second hand uniform etc. i've found no difference with expensive hols as the state school I work in iand daughter attends always running expensive ski trip etc with no diference in price to the private school my other daughter attends.

The only expensive thing I find are extras such as fencing/drama etc but daughter doesn't do these anyway.

sticher

As has been said each child should be treated as an individual and although everyone wants to do what is best for their children, academic results should not be the ONLY consideration.

I have 3 DS, the eldest being a very high achiever. His reception teacher told me he would do well whichever school he went to. I wanted him to go to a very select school, but he was adamant he wanted to go to a more local comprehensive (where incidentally many of his close friends were going). He is a very quite boy and I decided to let him make his choice and he is very happy in his school. I feel if I had sent him to my choice he would have had very few friends in our area (more important as a child gets older and wants to go out more) and not been happy. He is still doing well academically, but without the EXTREME pressure that would have come with the other school. He also has the time to pursue other hobbies (children at my choice of school have a longer day and loads more homework, leaving them little time for other stuff).

When my other two are old enough, I will let them choose their own school (with my guidance of course). They are both completely different and will want different things.

To me, the most important thing for a child is to be happy. Although obviously not the ideal, qualifications can be gained at any stage in life, but you can NEVER regain your childhood.

sticher

But I would definitely advise a private school as they have so many advantages I'm afraid - small classes and teach to a much higher standard

I don't really see that you can judge all schools from your own experience.

Very often with private schools an entrance exam is required to be passed before a child can attend. This ensures that they are only taking the more able students - who of course would be taught to a higher standard than the less able children in a state school. I would assume that the higher achieving children in a state school would be taught to the same high standard as any other school.

I would imagine another thing to consider with a private school is that many of the children would come from wealthy backgrounds and would therefore be used to doing/buying expensive things - would a child from a less wealthy background feel this difference? I know a friend of mine said she did and so didn't mix with the others as much as she might have done.