My mother wants to find her daughter she gave up for adoption. Please help.

statusquo1

Hello all.

When i split from my ex wife i moved back in with my mam and during 1 of our late night chats she said she had something to tell me.

When she was just 15 yrs old (1955) she fell pregnant. Dont want to go into details because its upsetting.Due to the relative times a girl of that age falling pregnant brought a lot of shame on the family, and even though she didnt have an abortion she was forced to give the baby up for adoption. Both her sisters knew what happened but they said she had to say she fell pregnant off a boy from school so as to stop a huge family rift/fight.

Anyway she said that about 10 yrs ago her daughter turned up at her doorstep wanting to meet her but my mam was frightened that my dad,my brother and i would find out so she said she was sorry but didnt want to get to know her.

My dad died soon after and now she regrets not seeing her but she doesnt know her full name only her christian name and where she was given up for adoption. My mam is now nearly 66 and she dearly wants to meet her daughter and i would love to meet mt sister.

Any ideas? Thanks in advance, Colin.

AnnieH

Ah Colin - big hugs. That must have been a dreadful shock for you, and your poor mum has been carrying this alone for all those years.

All I can say is that the Salvation Army are very good at tracing people and to give them a try. Also you could try social services and explain the story and they might be able to put you in touch with certain adoption agencies or know who the right people are to contact.

Good luck x

singlehouseholder

My boyf was adopted, when he looked into it, it was going to cost in excess of £500- he was given to a catholic church agency as a little baba, don't know if that has any bearing. He decided against looking, using, I felt, the cost as an excuse. Think he was put off after he read the letter sent to his adoptive parents about his biological parents circumstances, i've seen it and it wasnt worded very nicely...
good luck, let us know how you get on...

Dora_the_Explorer_5

The Salvation Army have a tracing service, look on their website for more info. Also, the local council's adoption team will be able to give your mum information, advice and more importantly, support.

It must have been quite a shock for your mum when her daughter turned up, but the reality is that the daughter may now feel doubly rejected - once by being put up as a baby for adoption and once by being rejected as an adult by your mum, so your mum would probably need a degree of support if her daughter rejects her advances. The adoption team will be able to talk through all the potential outcomes with your mum.

wigginsmum

I would suggest your Mum registers on NORCAP. I'm adopted and registered with them as my first action when I decided to trace my family. In the end I did all the tracing myself using the Family Records Centre and Friends Reunited (ended up emailing a half-sister who didn't know I existed!), but my details were on NORCAP saying I'd welcome contact if my birth mother happened to read it. Contacting the agency that handled the adoption would be a good move too; does your Mum have any of the paperwork still?

Hope it works out for you all.

charlies_mum

Try going onto Genes Reunited , you would need your sisters name and you could ask if anyone knows her whereabouts. I think membership costs £5.95.

Good luck

sockospice

Before trying NORCAP (who are quite expensive), check out this website

http://www.adoptionsearchreunion.co.uk

It explains the process of how tracing works, and how to go about it.

To singlehouseholder, your boyfriend shouldn't be charged anything for tracing, as an adopted person. He too can find out more information from that site. Or, there is a national helpline for people affected by adoption - 08000 568 578 (they're called After Adoption)

statusquo1

Thank you everybody for your kind words and ideas. I was very shocked as you could imagine. Ive asked my Mam if she knows her name but she only found out her christian name. She was registered for adoption in Liverpool but she doesnt think it will exist now. My Mam also didnt explain to her daughter why she gave her up. I too think she will feel twice as hurt but we would both like to try again. Thanks again . I'll keep you updated but might take a while. Colin

statusquo1

Ive just spent an hour scouring the net and found a site ancestry.co.uk. My mam said she had the birth in preston, lancs so the baby must have been registered there. So i entered the name which she called her and my mams maiden name and found her! She was registered at preston and it gives me the book number and log number. Now we know that she has changed her name from Kathleen to Gillian but we dont know anything else except she lives/lived in Leigh nr Manchester. With this info is there anything else i can find out? Thanks

AnnieH

Well you've come a long way in a short space of time, Colin. Good luck with the rest of it. I know a man who found his long lost son (who was also adopted) through 192.com. I think you have to pay for the service, but I believe it is very good at tracking people.

Maybe the Salvationa Army could help you. With the information you already have, although limited, it may just hold the key to finding her.

Good luck and well done

mountainofdebt

would it be an idea to initially write to the daughter (when you've found her of course) and explain the reason for the second rejection?

I know this is probably saying the blinding obvious but at least then it might just change her mind about meeting your mum so that she can explain the rest.

(Just had another thought.....does your mum know what the surname of the couple were who adopted her? If she does then what about friends reunited? Or puting an ad in the local paper ?)