Alcoholic Son!!!!

lemontree

My Son is 40 and for the last 3 years he has turned up at my home several times ill and destitute. Each time I have taken him in obtained librium from GP to avoid the convulsions he has had when he has stopped drinking suddenly.When he appears to be betterI have paid for flats and bought all he needs to start again.
Each time he has not paid rent and abandoned all the items I have bought including clothes. When he left last year it was with 600 pounds to set up another flat which was a lie and I never saw him for months.
I forgave him and took him in and set him up in yet another flat. He should be able to get work as he is a Tradesman.
Due to surgery and Radiotherapy I have not worked for 6 months and cannot afford to help him forever.
I have just had a call from his Landlord saying he owes 5 weeks rent which is 18.75 per week with Housing Benefit.(I paid the first 2 months rent.
I have told him that if he turns up destitute again I will not let him in the house.
Ifeel very upset and guilty but still love him as much as my other 2 children.
My Son and Daughter are angry and feel he has lied and cheated me out of thousands of pounds which he has.
What should I do now?

kenshaz

Children are forever and I understand your feelings,please realise that it is his addiction and not his personality that is driving him,how do you respond,he needs help,but you have done that before,think about your response, do not react emotionally.

I know that you are aware of the type of assistance he needs ,so I will not patronise you,all I will say is remain strong ,put yourself first and do not do anything that causes you hardship,he will say anything to feed his addiction ,you realise that, and you must not weaken,turning him away is not the answer ,that will only hurt you.

He has got to want to stop ,he will never be cured ,but he can stop,I cannot get inside his head.This must be hell for you,and frustrating.The answer lies with him. But you must remain financially secure,bailing him out helps no-one ,perhaps he needs the shock of having no one to turn to,give him your love but not your money ,and make him realise that.

Fran

Hi lemontree,

Sorry to hear you are in this situation.

There's not really anything you can "do" except make him aware where he can get help. It's got to come from him to want to give up drink. He would be better off sorting out his own accommodation etc. while "dry" as he needs to take that responsibility.

You might be able to get some support for yourself from Al-anon which offers

Al-Anon Family Groups provide understanding, strength and hope to
anyone whose life is, or has been, affected by someone else's drinking.

.

You shouldn't feel guilty though, you have done the best you can and you always will. I hope the al-anon website is useful, some areas have meetings you can go to which you might find useful.