needing your father in law to be's approval?

fly_dragon_fly

hey all

me and my partner have been engaged for 6 month and when we got engaged we got a card from the father in law but nothing on our social network page.

his other son has just got engaged now and on his daughter in law to bes social network page he has always put comments like favorite daughter in law to be and i am proud to have you as a daughter in law while i have never recieved that and feel like i am just a weight pulling his son down who has a son that isn't his sons

when i said that this has upset me my partner just told me to stop being so stupid and when i cried he just told me to stop it again.

sorry to rant i'm just upset that i am not even really considered when it comes to his dad while this other lady is although there is only 2 years age difference her being older.

diable

Maybe his laptop crashed and he hasn't had time to update all the social networking sites. How much time have you given him?

vaio

don't want to be harsh but your man is right when he said "...........stop being so stupid"

It matters not a jot, ignore it and enjoy your life & engagement

.

fly_dragon_fly

he's been given about six months.

thanks for the advice though x

Susan_Frost

His other son has only just got engaged, maybe fil did not know how to use these social networks six months ago. I dont, though I've used a computer for years, hence my name not a nickname on these posts. I'm not that savvy with it all.

How is fil when you meet, does he treat you both the same? Or are you saying it is not just a lack of a post on the internet, but he treats you differently, less favourable all the time. How does he treat your son? Is he welcomed into the family or not?

Your marrying his son, not him, and he wants you and your boy.

You dont need his dad's approval, but I know it is good to feel accepted.

If this is the only indicatation you are not wanted then I think you are over-reacting, but if he is unkind and speaks unkindly to you or your son then that is different.

However much fil approves of both his dil, you will both still have a different relationship with him. It does not mean he does not like you. It just means you have different interests, different personalities. Are you friendly and outgoing with him? Smile when you see him? Talk to him about what he has been doing, his interests, etc.

Dont treat it as a competition, you have got your man and he's the one you live with.

What about his mum?

Good luck

fly_dragon_fly

he's polite when we meet just dont really have anything in common with him but then i am 30 years younger although i always make a effort to smile and take a intrest in what he says.

he's been on the social network site longer than me and i'm the only one who makes postive comments when he is down and sad i just dont bake cakes like the other person and make cards for every birthday.

just me being insecure i guess.

thanks for the advice susan frost

SugarSpun

fly_dragon_fly wrote: »

i'm the only one who makes postive comments when he is down and sad i just dont bake cakes like the other person and make cards for every birthday.

It sounds like he prefers the other DIL's real world interactions to your internet ones.

Perhaps spend time with him outside the computer?

Susan_Frost

Hey, sounds like the other dil may be insecure as well. Unless she does it for everyone, does she feel she is in competition and has to bake cakes to keep well in?

Your doing fine, just she does things which are more "visible". He probably appreciates the talking when he is down more than you realise.

Abbafan1972

Why do people's lives revolve around social networking sites?

Mojisola

fly_dragon_fly wrote: »

me and my partner have been engaged for 6 month and when we got engaged we got a card from the father in law but nothing on our social network page.

his other son has just got engaged now and on his daughter in law to bes social network page he has always put comments like favorite daughter in law to be and i am proud to have you as a daughter in law while i have never recieved that and feel like i am just a weight pulling his son down who has a son that isn't his sons

Doesn't anyone else think that this is very insensitive of him? My Dad always calls my sister-in-law his favourite daughter-in-law but he only has the one.

I'm not surprised this has upset the OP. However, there's very little you can do about it, dragon. You could have a word with him about it but may upset things further. As Susan asks - does he treat you differently when you are with him?

You may have to grit your teeth, remember that you're marrying his son and not him, and try to ignore his hurtful behaviour.

belfastgirl23

Why can't he have a favourite? As long as you get on ok with him and there's no friction, if you don't have a lot in common witht him that's fine, all you need is to be able to be nice to each other. Maybe his other DIL has more in common with him, that doesn't have to be a reflection on you. And perhaps he's being a little thoughtless in pointing it out but I do think you are being oversensitive too. Let it go.