Seperating/Divorce from Husband

Beebo

Hi there,

sadly I have decided to seperate and possibly divorce from my husband. He is an alcoholic and often has bouts of say 30 days where he doesn't drink, then WHAM. It's been like this for about 6 years, gradually getting worse. I still love him but I know that I have to start living my own life.

We both own the house, but I pay all the bills and mortgage. My husband occasionally contributes, but really it's the odd contribution and nothing substantial.

We moved into a house 1 year ago and are still in the process of renovting. I would like to keep hold of the house initially, I think ending my marriage would be enough of an emotional upheaval without having to buy somewhere else /or rent.

Where do we stand in terms of the law?

I know that I could buy him out and seeing as i already make all the payments, this shouldn't be a problem, and i could also rent out one of the spare rooms on a short term basis. I don't think he would want this as he still believes we have something worth fighting for.

Could I be forced to sell the house even although he doesn't contribute? Can I 'throw him out'? he isn't physically abusive, but certainly emotionally.

Could I be made to pay him an allowance, given that I already support him by paying the bills and mortgage? He does work in a freelance capacity but work is a bit sporadic.

i'm going to make an appointment with CAB but can't until mid august.

Any help or advice would be appreciated.

p.s we live in scotland so not sure if that makes a difference.

Thanks

smileykylie_2

Hi did not want to read and run - I am not sure what happens in these situations but someone who does will be along soon.

But I have just separated from my husband as well fortunately we only rent.

You might want to post on the house board as well.

good luck

celyn90

As far as I know, spousal maintance is very rare these days and tends only to be required in cases where a party has given up work for the other person (say, to raise a family) and as such is in a position where they cannot support themselves. As your husband is capable of working but chooses to freeelance, I would think he would be expected to do so and I doubt very much you would be expected to pay him an allowance.

Beebo

Thanks Celyn90 that's a big relief.

zzzLazyDaisy

I am not an expert on scottish law (the law in E & W is different) but two scottish friends who have recently gone through divorces have told me that, under scottish law, a house in joint names is valued at the time one partner told the other the marriage was over - even if the divorce and/or actual sale and distribution of the proceeds doesn't take place until some years later.

This might not be so important now as it used to be in times of rapidly increasing prices - and could even work to your disadvantage if houses prices fall.

To be honest, in my view, you'd be better seeing a divorce solicitor for a half hour consultation - even if you have to pay, you will at least know where you stand.

yoni_one

Unfortunately I have no idea how Scottish law affects things for you, however the emotional abuse you are experiencing is a form of domestic abuse and as such you can access professional support and information from Women's Aid.

Your local office may be able to give you full information re your rights or at least sign post you to the most appropriate agency.

If you want to explore this route and speak to someone in total confidence you should be able to find your local office through this link http://scottishwomensaid.org.uk/info-for-women/local-womens-aid/group-finder

People can sometimes be put off by contacting a refuge thinking that they only help women who are wanting to go in to one, but most of them are able to provide outreach support too, and by telephone only if that is preferred.

I'm sorry that you are sad things have worked out this way but you have made a strong decision and you do not need to go through this alone.

Best luck for the future. xxx

MagsyB

Hi Beebo

I was going to post very much along the same lines (except I live in England!) but did a search first and found yours.
My OH is upstairs comatosed were he has been all day to the extent he is crawling to the loo because he cant walk!
He gave up/ lost his job in March and his driving licence in January. So I'm the main bread winner and also his jailer - he is sober if I stay at home and watch him all the time but I have to go out to work - and walk the dog etc in which time he goes to the local shop - sometimes at 9am to buy vodka!
Anyway - I just wondered if / how you have pursuaded him to leave? Mine blames me for his drinking because I 'keep going on' (I know that I should expect this as he isn't going to blame himself!). He says that he doesn't blame me for wanting nothing to do with him but he wont go! Which is no surprise because he would have to take responsibility for himself if he did.
In the meantime I sleep in the spare room if I can get any sleep because he is up most of the night having slept all day!.
Anyway I'm sorry for hijacking your thread but its 'good' to know that there's someone else that is in the same boat because its lonely!!
Good luck Beebo
Magsy x