Pregnant and really panicking!

mummytobe1

Hi everyone,

I post on the other forums quite regularly but have changed my user because I have family on here and I don't really want to post under my other name as they dont know yet.

Basically I have found out Im pregnant, about 6 weeks. OH and I have been living in a rented house together for about a year but when I told him he freaked out, told me he was biding his time and has been seeing someone else and couldnt find the right time to tell me. Basically he packed his bags, said hell pay whatever he has to pay but that will be the limit of his involvement. To say Im shocked is an understatement! I thought we had a lovely relationship I am madly in love with him and we spoke of marriage etc regularly, I feel like I didnt even know him he isnt the person I thought he was.

Any way Im dealing with it and trying to figure out what to do. work have been very understanding and my boss is a friend so told me to have the week off to deal with it all.

I dont know where I stand. I dont earn enough to cover the bills and rent on my house without his wage, I cant move home as I have no contact with my parents. I feel completely on my own now. I wont be able to support myself when the baby is born and i cant work, il have to pay for childcare when I do go back to work. Im so terrified as to what this means for me and my child. The poor kid isn't even born yet and I can't afford to eat at this rate. my wage doesn't even cover my rent!! We relied heavily on OHs wage and my wage was just to top it up really and pay for extras like days out and things like that.

I dont want to go on the council and move to a council house, the housing in my area has an awful reputation round here and I wouldnt bring up a dog in one of the council houses let alone a baby.

Im sorry for rambling Im just panicking and have no one to talk to, my friends are just saying theyre there for me and itll all work out ok but they dont realise I cant afford to live now.

If anyone has been in my situation or knows what I can do id be really grateful.

Rolandtheroadie

I understand you are shellshocked right now but read what you've written. You wouldnt bring a dog up in council housing? Would you rather go round homeless units?
Beggers cant be choosers. You need to wake up to your situation. Make the best of what you've got and get on with it.

mummytobe1

Yes I understand that I may have to go down that route but honestly, the council housing round here is the stuff you see in the newspapers, the crime is unbelievable and I feel uneasy driving around those areas which I have to do for work sometimes, being on my own with a young baby in that area, I would be terrified. Thats why Im posting, the house I live in is quite small, but its nice, we decorated it so its nice and clean and we have lovely neighbours and a nice landlord. If there is any way I can stay there to bring up my baby I will, Ill work as hard as I have to to do it.

If I know what help I could possibly be entitled to financially then I can try and match it up with my wage, maybe get a second job during the pregnancy. The ex said well make an arrangement with regards to the house etc so that could be a possibility that if i could get help with my rent then he could pay the rest.

I just dont know what to do, thats why I've posted to ask for peoples opinions/experiences.

mancitychick

You could always look at renting privately with housing benefit paying the rent/part of the rent. Even if you wanted a council home, you would more than likely be in for a long wait regardless of being pregnant. If your a low earner you'd be entitled to help with child care costs. Also you'll get child benefit and family tax credits, again at the higer rate. Have a look at entitled.com

diable

Go to bed, stop worrying and wait until tomorrow morning as the people in the know are tired and fast asleep as they have children.

elisebutt65

As previous poster said - check on Housing Benefit - also check that your landlord will accept it as sometimes there can be a delay.

You can work up until quite late - I worked right up until the last 2 weeks with a letter from my GP and then get SMP from your employer. You will also get Working Tax Credit that will help if your on a low wage when baby is born plus I think you get a bonus for the 1st year after having your child - you need to check on that though.

WTC will also contribute towards your childcare costs - mine costs £50 a week and I get it averaged over term time to £34 from WTC. WTC is wonderful as I work termtime only so they average out my salary over the year so I always get something in during the summer to pay my rent etc and I actually get more in WTC than I do in salary.

Hate to say it but you will probably be better off as a single mum than in a couple - probably get the benefit bashers out now after that sentence:rotfl::rotfl: but it's true!

Look on Freecycle for pram. pushchair, cot etc as you don't have to have new - I only had a moses basket for the 1st 3 months and baby slept in with me for most of it anyway. Apparently I used to sleep in a drawer due to lack of money and room but that was when my parents lived in my GP's house. I never bothered with things like a baby bath - sink does just as well in a washing up bowl and helps with your back as well;)

This is all depending on whether you intend to go ahead with the pregnancy though as you still have time for other options - not too keen on them myself, but Marie Stopes is always there, or adoption?

Don't even worry about council housing as the waiting lits are so long these days, baby would be at primary school before you would get anything above a B & B or hostel anyway.

mummy_Jay

I did the pregnancy thing on my own too and I remember being terrified at the beginning that I wouldn't be able to afford it or as my dad told me I might lose my job over it but neither was the case. You are very wise to be considering this all now.

When you go to the doctor and they refer you to the midwife have a chat to her about your money worries as if I remember rightly there are grants available for helping with setting up for a baby if you have moeny problems. As well as working/child tax credits will cover your childcare costs and then some (dependant on income and you do get more for children under 1 year), you will also get child benifit.

Also if you are still worried have a chat to your local CAB office they too my have some ideas.

You also need to find out what your ex is going to pay and when from but what ever he offers please work your budget out as if he's not pating just incase (as it does sound like he just wants to walk away and forget about it).

Also it may be worth having a look at the single mums survival guide http://www.singlemumsurvivalguide.co.uk/
there are ideas on there on how to boost your income, as well as support in all aspects of being a single parent. Maybe worth considering being an avon rep or something to boost your income.

But do give yourself time to recover from the shock of your OH turning out to be a 'pig', your body is changing and you will be more emotional about these things, so do take the time out for yourself.

Have a proper talk to your close friends about your finiancial worries and your OH walking out, you need the emotional support of someone who can put there arms round you and give you a hug.

The one thing I have leant from being a single mum from day 1 is you swollow your pride and accept help when its offered.

I hope this helps, just believe in yourself, your are a strong woman and you will find a way to resolve these issues.

Mollycat13

Hi,

I am sorry to hear about your situation, but it's better to fine out about his cheating than when you're heavily pregnant.

Re. finances.
If you add a few more bits of info, people on here, people will be able to do some rough calculations which will give you a clearer picture of your money situation.

How old are you? (relevant for LHA until baby is here)
Housing/council area? (in order to find LHA rates)
Current rent amount and size of house?
Your income? (for benefits purposes)

Once people have all this info, they will be better equiped to fully answer your questions.

xmaslolly76

Big Hugs Chick so sorry for your situation.

Get yourself on here and see exactly what you can claim http://www.entitledto.co.uk/ i know its a shock and you think you wont be able to live but you may be surprised at how much help you will get.

Goodluck it will all work out one way or another :-) xx

Dinah93

No useful advice, however there is another poster on here, Fitzillian, who found out her hubby was having an affair early in her pregnancy, she was devistated too, but has no retrained as a childminder, and is really looking forward to baby Alfie arriving in September.

smarties84

Hello, sadly i have no advice but i just wanted to send you a massive hug. What a massive shock the last few days must have been for you. YOU will get thru this and you will have a lovely baby at the end of all this heartache, theres nothing better than that