Are you happy saving money?

martafdz

I would consider to ask your mum to live with you. You will spend less, and if she can keep her pension this would be enough for her own spendings and even to help you out if needed. You have said your mum is old and living in another country. If she eventually gets ill, you will probably travel a lot, stay there (with more expenses) or pay for a nurse to go and take care of her. If you are helping her with money, your mum should understand that this is a strain for you. I don't know the expectancy of live in the country where your mother lives, but my grandmother is healthy at her 85+. Are you going to pay that amount for 20+ years? how much is that in total? 60,000 pounds? you will need to increase it as cost of life increases. What if your mum needs some new prescriptions? Not trying to make you feel worse. I just think that the solution is in her moving to UK. You might then also get the help of some benefits for taking care of her. And I think that taking care of her is far better than just paying some "wage" off. I think it's somehow wrong that your mum expects you to pay this amount from now on. :-\ Even if she does not live with you, maybe you can find a flat near your house. If you think how much you are paying now for rent, and you increase it by the 300 you pay to your mum, I bet you can get a flat/house with some extra rooms for that price in the same area.

Beside all that, I do agree that you need a treat. You can either put yourself a small limit per week and have some small treat every week guilt-free; or you can open a savings account and put that amount and wait some months to get yourself a bigger treat. A nice moisturizer is a treat for me, so I save 10-15 pounds a month and buy a nice cream every now and then. Or some nice shoes. Or going out for a great meal once a month. See how much you could spare, even if it is 20 pounds a month. Think of things you can buy that you like for that price, and have it as a treat. Or the other way, think of something you want and divide the price by three months, per example. You can save this in a moneybox every month, and wait for you treat day.

caevans

Amalis
No wonder you are getting depressed by your situation. It is incredibly unfair that you are having to send such a substantial amount of money to your mother. Does she not have any assets? I don't mean to be harsh but at 64 years old she is not 'old' (by today's standards) and could live (hopefully) for a very long time yet. She needs to be considering how to make money to support herself for potentially the next 30 years and should not be relying upon her young daughter to help her. I don't know what your family situation is, but if you decided you wanted to have children, would you be able to do this as well as support your Mum (not to mention your OH's family?). It seems like there is a lot of pressure on you both, and I question whether this should be nipped in the bud before your Mum really starts to rely upon the money every month. I do understand in some cultures children take care of their parents so this might be a tricky situation for you and your partner.
anyway, just my opinion, but it sounds like something has to give for you to be happier. And yes, material possessions don't make people happy, but if you work hard why should you not treat yourself???

Dinah93

Amalis, my suggestion would be try to make yourself a bit extra to use for treats. I do the £10 a day challenge (well, I do £20, most people do £10) which is on the DFW board, if you did this this would entirely cover the money sent to your mother, and you'd have a bit extra for you too. I know it would require some of your time, but maybe you have a skill that is worth something (selling jam on the market, teaching sewing classes, crafting things to sell on etsy?) so you would actually enjoy making a bit extra.

Personally I love saving, I want to be able to stay home with my kids when I have them, so I see economising now as having the life I want eventually and the 5 years being a bit tight now will be very worth it for me in the long run.

As for the Armani/Next thing, I'm afraid I'd walk into either and think 'what a waste, I'd rather have a meal out/weekend away/that's buy the door of my first home' and walk straight out again! We are not short of money, and put over £1400 into savings a month now we've cleared the debt, but I don't want to fritter it away on disposable material goods. Experiences like holidays though, yes I can see your point and I wouldn't want to miss out there either. Maybe you could do the £10 a day challenge to save up for one?