teenage son

yorksbabe

hi, i am looking for a bit of advice concerning my teenage son. he is 17 and is currently at college. he has started going out with a girl since january.

recently he has become very arrogant and selfish. he gets ema but doesnt turn up for lessons so doesnt always receive it. he says hes not bothered whether he has money or not. his gf works at a hotel that her father is manager of and so he has got weekend work but says he hates it and prefers having no money.

all i ask is that he keeps his bedroom tidy and put things away after him. last week i got him up for college, he ran a bath and fell asleep resulting in my kitchen getting flooded, this was the last thing in a long line of things that he is doing and i was at the end of my tether and had a go at him we both knew it was an accident and it wasnt about that really but had a fallout and he is now staying at his gf house.

the advice i need is what do i do now? i want him home and i cant stop crying and worrying about him. we have had contact but he said hes not ready yet and said he might not come home at all. i just dont know what to do. his gf is very spoilt and she tells me! she also says things like he hugs my mam all the time which hurts. he has also emptied his savings account (he hasnt touched his isa, thank god). he spends his money on gf then goes to ex gf for bus fares etc!

i have done everything for him which is my fault but i cant compete with a family that has lots of money. my sister talked to him last night and he said im too strict and dont listen to him.

what do you think i should do? ive texted him to tell him i will leave him for a bit and that im at the end of the phone if he needs anything. any help would be great thanks.

Oldernotwiser

Let him stew for a bit; if you keep grovelling to him now he'll always have the upper hand!

linni

I am dreading this happening to me (and I'm sure it will!) but I think you just have to let him make his own mistakes. When he is ready, he'll be back and hopefully his gf's parents will get fed up of him soon. Don't worry about what he said to your sister, I can't tell you how many times mine have said that. You do not have to compete, and money isn't everything.

busiscoming2

He knows you love him. You can't force him to come home or go to college, as has been said he has t make his own mistakes. It is tough on you waiting at home and wondering how thngs will turn out and no one can say anything to make it easier for you. Try to let go a little and find things to occupy yourself as I can imagine you think about him all the time. I'm sure hie will realise that to have money he needs to work for it.

whitewing

I agree with let him make his own mistakes. Gosh, when I think back to what I was like.....

You may just need a break from each other. Stop crying. Be cheerful and get on with things; it'll make it much easier to get some chill out time together if you bump into each other. Blokes don't like emotional. It makes them shut off. (Sometimes they need to be screamed at though!)

yorksbabe

hi everyone and thanks, you are all right, and i need to pull myself together. its just hard because he is a good lad and has never been in trouble etc. i think i may be overreacting. i was going to put him through his motorcycle test so he could share motorbike with his stepdad but it might just seem im doing that to get him home. i think i will put that off for now. thanks again

pineapple123

Keep your chin up, Im sure it will all sort itself out but for now try not to let it pull you down.
As a mother of a teen I understand what its like, they test you and can be really insensitive to those closest, some just find it difficult to make that transition from child to adult.
Im not making excuses for them but some teens can be really selfish, hate to be told off etc and feel pressured in todays society.
My teens bedroom is a complete mess I dont go in there just keep the door closed so I dont see the mess, just recently she said my rooms a real mess Im going to sort it out.

Just think back to when you were a teen, most dont give there parents an easy time.
as for the bike Im glad you decided against it, He needs to know that he is being a pain in the bum, also I feel that this could lead to more anxiety/stress in future- I know It caused my mum no end of worry when my brother and I had one.

ancientmum

Yorksbabe, I think that there should be an exchange scheme for teenagers. You take someone else's and they take yours for a month, something like wifeswap. Teenagers are noisier and bigger versions of themselves as toddlers and know how to push all the buttons to get you riled. Sit this one out, however hard it might be, and you may find that he will come to appreciate all you have done for him. Don't hold your breath though, it could take a long time.

larmy16

Try to put yourself first for a little while - you may grow to like it and after all you are worth it!

It's a sad fact of life that our kids sometimes see us as door mats. Withdraw from the situation. My son hated to be ignored more than anything! In time you will be getting the Welcome mat from him.

yorksbabe

hi you are all right lol, he texted me last night and is asking why he cant have his tongue pierced. i have said no for now but not forever! he has snakebites already and a one of those things that widen the hole in your ear (sorry dont know what they are called), he then came in last week and has had his nose pierced (i thought it was a spot lol)

in his defence he did say he can only have this kind of thing done whilst hes at college. he wants a tattoo and i said he can have one as long as its in a place where he can cover it up. he is a level headed kid sometimes, but he has got with this girl (who has 13 piercings) and i think she is rubbing off on him.

i just feel that he is now trying to get this piercing whilst he is away from home because he thinks i will say yes to get him back home. teens are very frustrating sometimes lol