son wants to live with me

tomdickharry

as i said, my G/F had to appeal because of not enough places available,
her current school at the time was not much further than the 1 she wanted to change to, but because of buses, it meant 2 each way.
if she had to appeal then it obvious the schools full already.
besides, there is another 3 or 4 near by too, but if it does get this far, prefer the same

miamoo

I dont think you should let him choose at 12 personally. Kids have very different criteria choosing things than adults do, and sometimes its based on computer consoles etc.
Kids can be cruel, and If he doesn't get his own way at home he always has the 'I'm moving to dad's' card to play. He can't go back and to between the two of you, it will ruin his education.
Also things move on, he probably has a rose coloured glasses on, of what his 'old life' was like, the truth is his friends will have moved on, made new friends he might have similar problems if he comes to you that he's having now at school.
Also his mum would be heart broken I should think, surely if you speak to her about your concerns of bullying at school she could sort it?
You sound like a great dad by the way.

jack*tigger

There may still be a space at the school. Kids move in and out at random times of the year. My sons class lost 5 kids in 1 term a few years back.
It might be worth having a chat with the local school or Education Authority. See what you can do about having him over temporarily. This won't be a unique situation so they must have some idea of how to handle it.

You also need to sit down with your ex and your boy and see what arrangement you can make that are acceptable for all of you. (But mostly for your boy!).

smartpicture

Rather than assuming, why don't you do some proper research and ring the school and / or the LEA and ask what would happen? Then you would be making a decision based on what you know, rather than what you guess to be the case. There was a girl round here who moved into the area and all the local schools were full so she was not allowed to go to school for 5 months until someone else moved out of the area! I know that sounds ridiculous, but that's what happened. Even if the LEA can't tell you for definite, they should give you some idea so you can look into travel options etc.

Also, you should be talking to the school he's at and trying to sort out those problems now. Teaching him to face up to problems rather than running away from them is one of life's great lessons, and if his mum is always the one dealing with the difficult issues then of course you seem like the easy option. If the issues can't be resolved, you can think again, but surely that should be the first step.

tomdickharry

i'd only be asking "what ifs" if i rang up schools, it could be 3 months 1 year or not at all?
so perhaps id be best waiting until it happens.

he still has friends here who he knows, along with his cousins on his mums side, who he'd probaly end up at school with,
he plays football there but he'd be welcomed back to the team he was with here.
He has video games at both homes so thats not a reason to argue on,

i dont think there's a "big" problem at school re bullying, then again,
its been along time since i went to school!
but i'm a believer that if you're happy at home, then you are at school and vice versa.

my ex and i do get on fine, but this could ruin that,
we havn't spoken much in the past week,
id rather give her time to take stock of the situation,
i dont want to be seen as pressing her into a solution but i dont want her to brush it under the carpet hoping it goes away.
all i want my son to be happy wherever he is, and the sooner the better for his sake

jack*tigger

tomdickharry wrote: »

i'd only be asking "what ifs" if i rang up schools, it could be 3 months 1 year or not at all?
so perhaps id be best waiting until it happens.

It doesn't hurt to ask.
And then you'd have proper facts not guess work. Maybe there isn't a place at a local to you school so you would need to tell your boy that. Or maybe there is.

You could use the answers to the school question as a base for a trial. E.g. "There is a school place and the school are happy for son to be there for the summer term - let see how it works out". Or "There isn't a place this year so why don't we see how we can improve life at mums until a place becomes available".

tomdickharry

jack*tigger wrote: »

It might be worth having a chat with the local school or Education Authority. See what you can do about having him over temporarily. This won't be a unique situation so they must have some idea of how to handle it.

never heard of that, might be worth a few calls about.
not too sure if its a good idea yet, but its an idea to think about, ta

Errata

I think you need to have a discussion with your son about why he wants to live with you. You think 'new bloke' is ok, but what does your son think - and feel ?
Is 'new bloke' being overly strict or heavy handed? Is there now a clash of personalities now that your son is becoming mature?

tomdickharry

Errata wrote: »

I think you need to have a discussion with your son about why he wants to live with you. You think 'new bloke' is ok, but what does your son think - and feel ?
Is 'new bloke' being overly strict or heavy handed? Is there now a clash of personalities now that your son is becoming mature?

he's not a "new bloke" now, they've been together 3 years, sorry if it read that way,
and i dont think he's that strict with him, just basic rules
and my son says he's ok too and thats good enough for me,

his son though, he doesn't like him,
and i dont think its an ideal situation in any home for a 17 & 12 year old to share a bedroom.
my son says he's unhappy there for a few reasons, school, no real mates, though he does play out,
he misses me, friends, family.

ive explained to him that he would miss his mum in the same way too,
but he thinks the +'s would outweigh the -'s
thats my wording but the general gist of what he means.

Errata

I used your term 'new bloke' but I did I realise he'd been around for 3 years.
Have you been able to discover why your son doesn't like the 17 year old ? Having to share a bedroom with someone he dislikes must be horrendous for him, apart from the total lack of privacy.
Is he being bullied or teased too badly by the teenager? Does the teenager have some habits or behaviours your son is finding difficult to live with?