critical illness of ex spouse

SAMOHT_2

My ex wife and I are very recently divorced - so recently infact that she has been unable to discharge her side of the consent order due to illness. She has now sadly been disgnosed with terminal cancer with under a year to live. I now have care of our two sons as she is unable to cope.

I have many questions about finances which are very difficult to broach with anyone in this condition but there is an extra edge with us being divorced.

We have several endowment policies, a mortgage protection policy and term assurance - to whose estate will any claim be paid, does anyone know?

In addition has anyone come across this situation where the settlement was based upon the one partner being the principal carer of the children and that now simply cant happen... i.e. a 75:25 split for joint assets in favour of wife ... can we reverse consent order as it seems to me that all i will be doing is transferring money into my childrens name following the death of my ex wife, which will come under the juristiction of the trustees... surely as the boys father i should be let to decide what in my sons best interest...

any advice would be gratefully received please.

llh189

This is a very tricky situation which can probably be handled professionally or privately, I suppose for anything privately to be sorted out it would depend on your relationship with your ex wife and if either of you have new partners etc.

Could you be reconciled, in order to ultimately make things easier for your children and their future. I am sure that you are all in shock and trying to come to terms with what the future will hold, maybe because of this the issues that surrounded your divorce could be put aside.

I would also see your divorce solicitor asap with regard to changing the consent order.

Mojisola

llh189 wrote: »

Could you be reconciled, in order to ultimately make things easier for your children and their future.

Is this possible for you both? Your sons are going to have a very hard time over the coming year. Would they benefit from seeing Mum and Dad together again?

Savvy_Sue

I can understand that your wife may have difficulty getting to solicitors offices etc, but could she have a solicitor visit her at home to discuss these things and agree what would be best?

MrsTinks

Having recently lost a relative to cancer I would say to start with - take the year time frame as a loose guide - 5-6 years ago my aunt was given a couple of years max... that was revised several times - late last year - early this year they gave her till late summer '09... unfortunately getting such a short time left made her give up fighting almost immediately and she passed away the day before Jade. So get everything sorted NOW because you don't know how fast things might suddenly go and this needs to be in order...

My view is given the amount of policies then you need to get some professional advice - if your wife is too poorly to go see them then get someone to come see her and you. It's not callous or cold to try and get her affairs in order for the sake of the children, but be sensitive about addressing it with her - she will be on a rollercoaster at the moment with drugs and emotions, coming to terms with your impending death is a huge thing and she may one minute want her children round her and the next not want them to see her like this...
Be honest with her about the money side of things and remember that as time goes by then she might change a lot - both physically and behavoiurally, this is why I am saying get some legal advice NOW because she may be in no state later to make these decisions...

Good luck

somewhatnew

Look at getting yourself co-opted as a trustee and try to insure the trust is a 'discretionary trust'. As a trustee you then have 'discretion' over how the money is distributed providing it is in your sons best interests.

Your solicitor will be able to give you advice surrounding this.

floss2

I agree with Mrs Tine - the timescale the dr's have given is no more than a general guide - it could be longer, it could be less.

The two of you really need to try & get your ex-wife's solicitor to come & visit and to talk her through the financial options to reach the solution that is best for both of you & for your children.

Has she made a will? When I divorced I was advised to do that and named my brothers as guardians & trustees in the event of both me & their father dying before they reached 18. This needs to be thought of too - you never know what could happen in 5 years time.