Dieing mum and 13 year old girl. Help

cant.cope

Ok im new here so will try and keep it short and pray im in the right place.


Ok well where do i start. My mum sadly is dieing of cancer and wont be around for very much longer. The thing with all this is the fact she as brang my sisters 13 year old girl up from the day she was born. Now with mum dieing the care for her gd is moving over to me (im 27 yo guy no partner or kids never wanted any) but im taking this the best i can and am going to do the very best for her (but what do i know about 13 yo girls) so i now feel i need to start putting things in place to try and make the swap easyer on her when the sad time comes has i know she is going to take it so bad. So what im trying to find out is im 27 work 18 hours a week (cant get anymore so trying to find a new job) would i get any help with her care such as benefits anything? I hope you all dont think im jumping the gun but i feel i need to have it all in place to make sure she gets the best care i can give her.

thanks

cattie

My heart goes out to you having to face the knowledge that your mother will die soon & also having to cope with the decision to be a surrogate parent to your niece.

I'm not too up on benefits that you could claim, but know there is something called guardians allowance & there is also child benefit. Possibly you would qualify for working tax credits too. I'm sure somebody more knowledgeable will come along to add a reply soon.

Would it be possible for you to go see a welfare rights advisor in your area who could explain to you all your entitlements & what you need to do to gain guardianship of your niece?

I hope you are going to have a bit of support from other family members too?

seven-day-weekend

I think also with having care of the child and working over sixteen hours you will be entitled to some Tax Credits and maybe help with childcare fees. Also Child Benefit and maybe help towards your Council Tax and rent (if you are renting).

I would advise a trip to a Benefits Advisor at the CAB who will be able to accurately advise you what you will be entitled to and also help you to apply for the Benefits.

I feel for you having so much sadness and responsibility at such a young age. I hope yourself and your neice have plenty of support, financial and otherwise.

Zara33

You can apply for working tax credits, child benefit, child tax credits, guardian's allowance.

You may also get help with council tax, and housing benefit. (LHA)

Also look into a funeral grant.

cant.cope

Thank you all for your comments so far it means alot to me.

Some great info you have given me about things. I will get in touch with cab and see can I get to see someone. Just need to watch my step that i dont upset mum i know she will understand im trying to get ready just dont want her thinking im taking over when she is still here. Just hard to know what to do for the best at a time like this but feel i need to start planning to make sure iv done everything i can to make sure the kid is taken care of.

As for family they say they will help but they also told mum that when she took the kid on and that help didnt come. So i just want to make sure iv got everything done that i can as no matter how hard this is on me it will be 100 times harder on her.

So if anyone has anymore info or even pointers on what i need to be claiming or doing for a 13 yo it would be great to hear from you seen i dont know the frist thing about benefits or caring for a kid

just hard to think right at the moment

mountainofdebt

Actually it may help your mum to know that you are preparing to take on your new role when she does pass on.......us mums tend to worry about how our children will cope, regardless of their age.

The other thing is is do you have any close friends that are girls / have girlfriends that could possibly be there for your niece to discuss things with that she would rather not discuss with you?

Big hugs to a lovely son and uncle.

JHWilts

Is it possible to talk to herschool as well, the teachers etc to get some ideas regards how she is doing, what she is like socially, any potential problems there? Just to get some idea of what issues you may need to try and manage before you make the move. best of luck to you however - you are stil young and that is a very big responsibility to take on board.

cant.cope

Yea iv a few girls who are great friends so i think i will find myself calling on them at times as i feel there is some things only girls can deal with.

Had not even crossed my mind to talk to the school so thats something i may look at thank you

all doesnt seem real at moment

magic57

Hi Sorry to hear your problems. You sound like a smashing guy.

You asked about your niece. Does she have any close friends that you know of? Maybe if she has the other girls mum might take on an advisory role. Talk to her about girly stuff, if you know what I mean. When I was 13 (many years ago!) I always thought my friends parents were so much cooler then mine. You might find a friendly mum who can give you some support and advice.

Someone mentioned contacting the school. I am a learning support assistant in a school and this is certainly something the school would want to know about and help you. Some schools have pastoral support programmes in place. Do talk to them.

Good luck.

magic57

By the way is your sister - the girls mum - still on the scene? Can she help?

cant.cope

Sadly no my sister didnt make it past the brith.

Thanks to all you great guys/girls im a bit more clear on what i need to look into and think about now.

Oh and yes she as some good friends does that girly sleep over thing near every weekend